Theme 13: Zool - Week 4

And here we are: the last post for 2016. Been sick for the past couple of days, so much so I couldn't do much of anything - and this morning I thought I'd have to cancel tonight's plans because I felt like that much crap. Well, kinda cleared, and though I'm not feeling great, I'm at the least feeling functional. I can type, which says enough XD (seriously, yesterday I couldn't even game - you know you're really sick when you're a gamer who can't game <<).

So, as I still have lots to do, I'll just share what I came here to share XD happy new year y'all, and welcome 2017! Be good @.@

Theme 13: Zool - Week 3

First of all: merry christmas to everyone! Hope it's been a good day ^^ we basically just sat around and chilled after a great evening at the inlaws', with my parents... so, Sunday was Lazeday. I spent 12 hours on FF15 without realizing. Only when I went to save because I was going to bed did I see I'd gone from 48 hours to 60. ... I guess it's a good use of a holiday << XD;

Now, with the end of year fast approaching, I've been debating with myself what I'll be doing on this blog that'd be worthwhile. This year I'd picked characters because I'd wanted to share more about them, but also about what they mean/represent to me. Along the way I worked more on stories, world building, and with the goal in mind to get a story published next year I set forth on an editing quest that is taking me back to the very beginnings of the planet because of course. Seriously, I'm figuring out little details that are important in the long run but have nothing to do with the story being edited, such as where predators come from XD but everything ties together and it's not just a good (dare I say great? <<) story I want to provide, but a breathing world. And it's come to my own attention that there's still a lot for me to determine and understand before I can successfully edit a story... so, here's to many more weeks' work. XD

For now though, it's time for a moment I've been waiting for for months (not even close to kidding XD): week 3 of Zool. Because boy oh boy do I have a lot to say about that one.

Zool Origin Story

This takes me back 15 years, if you can believe it. I was still young (in number) and a fervent roleplayer. We (=myself and my ex-RP-partner, further referenced as 'we' if need be) had been roleplaying for about a year I think. Came up with more plot-centric ideas, and our major plot involved beings we referred to as 'demons' way back then. It'd started with one (Gyrah, I think her name was), that represented anger or wrath, and along the way we created more. There was no real rhyme or reason to their existence - we basically based ourselves on certain negative emotions and ran with it. My ex-partner one day created a really cool character named Sylnic (the things I remember XD), who was the incarnation of despair... and I don't recall how it all worked into the plot, but somehow, we needed another demon to save the day and it became none other than (you'll have guessed it) Zool.

Now, I've had a thing for death, as an entity, basically since I was a little girl. Here's my inspiration:

I was a really weird kid

The end result had nothing in common with the card save for an aspect of his personality-of-then, and that was a sort of twisted form of chivalry. Because, as things evolved and got away from us, we discovered that he and Sylnic somehow had a bond and god damn was he overly protective of her. As we delved into this bond, we built their relation, and as I learned more about Zool, I understood why it was there - and that's basically because it was, period. There was something exceptionally strong there, so strong in fact that, as things evolved in dark ways and Despair began to give into her own power due to Zool's absolute impossibility to feel certain emotions like love (and my ex-partner's indirect demand he do), it became clear to me Zool wouldn't be able to exist without her. And indeed, when Sylnic died, I lost him. I believe this was the singular moment when we's friendship started to end, at least on my side, because it's not that there was a need for Sylnic to die: my ex-partner was just tired of having her. It upset me a great deal, because Zool is a lot of things to me, and the greatest he has been over the years is a pillar of strength.

Through his arrogance and determination, I started to find these things in me. When I was feeling down, which was often at the time, he made me feel better. He was the character I went to when I needed strength, somehow gaining a sort of 'reality' to me that none of my characters (at the time) had. In a sense he was the purest of them all, because he was the only one who was not influenced at all by our plotting and scheming. He went his own way, decided what was right and wrong, to the point I think he really frustrated my ex-partner << but, what I believe she failed to understand was that Zool had his very own life. He made his own decisions. I just expressed them. All of my characters have kept the majority of the backstories I got for them over 10 years ago... whereas my ex-partner kept changing things, wanting to redo scenes I felt were right, always nitpicking and basically never ever satisfied with what she had, to the point of twisting her own characters (and mine, at times, which was very upsetting as well). Zool never gave in. Even when I lost him, he remained true to himself: unyielding.

When the roleplay basically died due to disinterest by my ex-partner (who'd found herself a new friend and basically threw me away), I made the choice to keep everything we'd built, and I changed things around. I gave everything reason and purpose to exist - and am still in the process of further expanding history. The world has become fully my own, though I still find here and there baseless roleplay elements that I either alter to fit into the world's logic, or remove entirely. When I started writing my stories and evolving the character's backstories, I had to keep a few characters not my own because my characters were attached to them. One was related to Nalyn, the other to Eglen... and, you'll have guessed it: the last one to Zool. I could not have a Zool without a Sylnic. So, with this in mind, I asked my ex-partner at the time if I could use her characters... and what started as a cordial exchange became venom spitting on her part (because of course everything is my fault e.e). That is the day I decided I'd had enough. Honestly, I'd wanted to maintain a friendship (or semblance thereof) with this person because I needed her characters. Yes, not nice on my part, indeed. I did care about ehr, a long time ago, but my friend died and was somehow replaced by a hideous thing. And I decided I did not have, and did not deserve, to be treated this way. I walked away. I had no issue creating a new character in Nalyn's life, nor in Eglen's (though I realize I largely kept the previous character's personality, so I'll be fixing that at a later date... it was after all my first big story, years ago!)... and, as miracles are wont to happen, that is the day Zool yielded. There's no way for me to explain this without sounding crazy, so here goes: that day, he realized the pain this was causing me; he perhaps also realized things would never again be as they'd once been. ... and he allowed me to change his backstory. Nearly everything has changed - including him. Whereas he'd been a straightforward, nearly mindless man with unyielding determination, he gained a semblance of humanity when I created the new character and placed her on his path. 

And as she has evolved to become her own character, completely independent of any old backstory, so has Zool evolved. He is still unyielding and absolutely certain that he's right, but now he is a true part of the greater world. He's more than what he once was. And he has way more of a personality as well, which makes me very happy :)

Zool is that one character that is special to me. There are many of my characters I love and enjoy, but he's the one who's had the biggest impact on my life. I used his unyielding nature as a cane in the past, and whenever I feel uneasy now, he's still the one I 'call' to who makes me feel stronger and more certain. So, one could say he's a part of me I simply didn't know was there to begin with. He's the one that makes me think everything will always be okay, because no matter what happens, he always gets up. Always.

And that is 'all' for Zool XD as you can see, there was a lot to say for him. I've seriously been anticipating this post for months XD. Kinda sad it's done, but exhilarated as well because it concludes this year quite well :) (and so fitting I managed to make him theme 13 << XD there are no coincidences). It also feels good to talk about these old sores. All I want to say is: wherever you are ex-partner, as much as I have been upset with you, as much pain as you have caused me, I will always care about the friend you were to me. I know I've caused you a lot of pain as well (*cough*Kassandra*cough*), and will always regret it. I just wish you'd been able to get past your negativity and allow yourself to be happy, and to see me for who I am, and not the person you remember. So, het ga je goed. But I'm closing the book on these old pains so I can move forward.

Go year of transformation 2017 go!

Exceptionally, the final blog will be next Saturday, as it is the 31st. Concluding the year with an unfinished cliffhanger ;) and next year, I'll start something I've never done: the 365-day challenge. Which will be for me to draw something every day. It'll mainly be anatomic studies and whatever I feel like drawing on a day, so expect wips, doodles, etc... but it's what I need in order to improve. It's gonna be hell for me to stick to that schedule, but I want to at least try it XD so we'll see how it goes.

Until next week for the last blog of 2016 ;)

Theme 13: Zool - Week 2

The end of year is in sight. With every passing day, I feel more stressed - not so much because of the family reunions and whatnot (and gods the food and I'm trying to lose weight noooooooo), but because of that ever-growing feeling that I'm making a mistake going for that course. I remain adamant to be a helpful little pinion in this grand machine that is the world; however, I can't deny that all I want to do is sit at this very computer, and write. It's gone beyond hobby and passion: it's basically a career choice. And the only career I will ever be able to fully embrace is this.

But hrghn, financial stability... e.e

Anyway. My own dilemmas aside, I've been thinking about what I'll be doing with this blog come 2017, and the answer is I don't know (surprise surprise << XD). It's been a blast doing this weekly character blogging, and though I still have characters I could write about, I don't want to repeat it. I did enjoy the monthly themes, so I'd like to do something similar... just with unrelated subjects (although, knowing me, characters will pop up anyway << XD). I dunno. Ideas are slowly forming. Guess we'll see where this'll be going :)

And we've come to week 2 of Zool. As per usual, here comes some writing :)

This story needs a crapload of editing, but I share it for two reasons: one, I adore Haneyra's bravado and how she dares talk to him, and two, herein is shown something quite peculiar about Zool, but that makes sense in the much grander scheme of things. Also, bit of a show of power ;) because that is FUN. XD

(also, no, they don't like one another. Long story that still needs to be written. Oh man is that one gonna be tons of fun. :D; )

Theme 13: Zool - Week 1

It's almost the end of the year! Still so much to do! And as the year comes to a close, like every year, I am starting to think about what has passed and what is yet to come. At this point I feel completely torn - torn between the desire for financial stability that will come, for at least a year, by attending the course starting in February, and the absolute need to pursue my true career, writing, despite the financial uncertainty this would bring.

What would life be without compromises though. XD

As this fiery passion burns away my desire to be part of 'normal society' a little more every day, rationale reminds me that now is not the time to throw away what we have at last started to build. Rather, now is the time to build upon it, and find a way to unite the 'socially non-acceptable work' with the pursuit of financial stability. At this point in my literary evolution, I feel I can say at last that I am good at what I do, that I do have things to tell, and that there's no shame in seeking to subsist financially through my craft. After all, I want to offer something worthwhile. The positive comments I've received thus far are an encouragement to keep striving for better. At some point though, I'll have to make a choice, and as I know what that choice will be, it better be viable when the time comes.

I have stated before that I want to give back what I've received. This is true. What this giving back entails, however, becomes clearer every day.

So what does this mean? Well I'll be selling out XD not. Concretely, I'll be doing some huge editing work on several stories, starting with the one I think will be most interesting for readers, and it'll get published online eventually. I have ideas for an app that may or may not be feasible. I want this to be a complete experience, one that keeps getting invested in. After all, this is my life's work :)

2017 will be a hard year where I'll have to juggle opposing needs, all the while paving the road towards the future I have pursued for many years now. It is the year of Death - of transformation; a cold, dreary year to be sure, but one from which will sprout something magnificent, as long as I keep the soil fertile.

And this said, let me introduce the last theme for this year, most appropriate to start the renewing cycle of XIII,

Zool

Myes he still needs some work, but oh well.

Who is Zool?

Ah, the question I hate answering because TMI XD

Well, to put it simply: Zool is the incarnation of Death. Nothing more, nothing less. He is the absolute end at the road, the one who sends the dead on their final journey. He is a fair and impartial judge, and takes no side except for his own - because Death knows everything, and Death is never wrong.

Yet Death is not without flaws. As a sentient being, Zool is one to make decisions for himself, to decide on the right course of action. Because of his implacable determination, Zool is seen by some as an arrogant bastard, sometimes even as a fool (for only fools never change their mind). Yet Zool always goes his own way, no matter the cost, as he not only believes but knows he is always right - even when he isn't.

This stubbornness will come at costs too high to pay, even for him.

Zool and the Novel

Oh, the things I have planned for his grand entrance X3 because yes, he will be in it. He has to be (and not only because I love him to itty bitty bits (and he hates me oh so much << XD)). Zool is a pivotal element in the story, one I need to conclude what will be a dire situation. Beyond his appearance in the story proper though, Zool is a pivotal element in the world itself - because of his status, and because of his personality... and even because of the few people he's acquainted with.

In this world, even Death is capable of changing. Granted, he does so in minor ways (in his perspective, he doesn't change at all, ever), but they are notable enough to change the greater master plan that is life itself.

There are many forces at play here, all of which vying for existence. Centuries of struggles, of evolution, of construction, all to come to a halt once the house of cards loses its foundations. Life is a question mark that leaves all of its answers open. Whether he will be an answer still remains to be seen. What is known, however, is that there is no life without death, nor death without life.

Hopefully this was cryptic enough for you ;)

Today I feel that special kind of numb you feel when life decides to be a special kind of rollercoaster in not even a week's time. I feel stuck in place. I need to talk. I just have to wait until the half I need to talk to comes home, which means several hours left of numb stagnation.
And yup, that's why I'm here << I'd rather get it out and get creating (so expect this post to disappear once its purpose obsolete).

Monday was a good day. Went to the next town, got things in order to start the course - for which I am excited again, especially after talking to an old lady at the bank XD I just randomly started the conversation myself. It felt good. And she was very nice.

Then we had Tuesday. Tuesday was the breaking point. Don't want to get into details, so let's just say my other half made a mistake he'd made the week before, after promising not to do it again. You'll seldom see me upset - but I'm the sort to be then short and cutting and keep to my own corner. The mistake in itself isn't the issue: it's the breach of trust this has induced. Needless to say Tuesday was a terrible day. I'm still a bit angry today, but mostly because of Wednesday.

I'd wanted to talk about it on Wednesday, but then it didn't happen. Oh well, there's today (and today it does have to happen because it's the source of the numb). But Wednesday, ah Wednesday, it was a different kind of upset, at a different person. The frustrated sort of upset when someone projects their fears and uncertainties onto you and don't accept your truth as reality.
And being told by said person they won't be coming for New Year's because they made other plans, with the excuse that nothing had been official yet - even though they'd proposed themselves, maybe a month prior, to do the same thing as last year. I don't mind sudden changes of plans for good reasons (because life); I do mind half-assed excuses when I know the change is not one you want, but one you think you have to make. I'd seriously considered hanging up yesterday, as this occurred through phone. At some point, I got angry (and thus audibly short, but I kept being nice).
The absolute worst part of the conversation was the moment when I realized these people I care about, who are a year older than me, are basically dead.

And that leads to the feeling that has been the issue for me this week (the upside of being a writer and thus deep into psychology is that, eventually, you get to apply all you learn to yourself): I feel alone. I feel the kind of alone that you feel when you realize, hingsight aiding, how much you have evolved over the years, but also how adamant you are to keep evolving and learning... and seeing people around you not do the same. It hit me with other half's mistake, but really beat me up yesterday on the phone when I felt the psychic death dripping from every word and protective laugh of the person on the other end. I don't want to advance alone. Not that I can't do it - rather, what I want is to lead people along onto this path.

When you care about people, you want the best for them. I don't claim to know what is best for another, though. However, I'm not one to ignore intuition (and coincidences), either. One half I can help (if he opens up to being the best him I know he can be, because oh so much untapped potential); but I can't help the dead. It's a horrible thing to think and to say. Frankly, I want to cancel tonight's plans with them. I don't feel in a position where I can deal with this feeling. I still feel numb, as though I can't decide which way I'm supposed to go. Part of me wants to cry it out. The strong(?) part of me just wants to seethe. And the whole of me is thinking: what now.

Chances are, in a few days, I'll reflect on this and realize it's been a positive breaking point. Once you decide to live your life the best you can and seize every opportunity to improve it, even the bad stuff doesn't seem so bad - because you look through it all, at the core of the problems, and seek a way to learn from it and make good changes. It's become a way of life (I don't dare say second nature, even though it really feels like it). I just... wish I knew, right now, which way to go. I need to talk. That's really the main thing right now. I need things sorted.

Gods it's gonna be a long day @.@

Theme 12: Kassandra - Week 4

So today I'm not so much upset anymore as I am feeling depressed. At least I'm functional, and able to bring you the post (which, yes, was supposed to be on Monday - RL came first).

Last week of Kassandra, and today I bring you a little scene that had huge repercussions in the long run. Also, Rated R for graphic violence and loud cursing.

You have been warned.

Theme 12: Kassandra - Week 3

So. Friday was my birthday, and I got the best gift ever:

Arrived on the day itself, which is basically OMG considering this was a preorder placed months ago.

You know what made it all the better? Discovering, as the DLC code didn't work, that I'd gotten it four days early <<

... I've squeed (and gloated, it's true) so much I got on bf's nerves I think XD but seriously, what are the odds of a game you've been anticipitaing since the demo to be sent out to arrive on the exact day of your birthday, AND actually be sent out early?

So: happy birthday to me XD thank you, company who must've made a mistake. For me, you did things so perfectly it's simply amazing XD

(and let it be known the game is good. Suffering a bit from open-world syndrome (as in, you lose track of the story doing sidequests), but it gets reminded to you with the most amazing cutscenes I've ever seen. And the characters are FUN. I was sold by the intro because I laughed so much. I can't remember a FF ever making me laugh. XD)

This said, I did get some creativity done last week, got back on my Wii Fit (because I do look fat <<), and with December promising to be a filled month, I'm feeling kinda stressed. So, trying to distract myself from time-angst, gonna do some more creativity, kinda hoping to get an idea for chapter 3 of the story (and I've had ideas for 2, which basically means cut out some parts XD)

For now though, here is week 3 of Kassandra. Likely the most interesting week regarding her.

Kassandra Origin Story

Kassandra is definitely my oldest character. I've had her for close to 20 years, if I recall right. My first ever character was a Vampire named Nocturna whom I had commit suicide for a reason I forgot. Then I created Kassandra - and, in a way, all hell broke loose.

Back in them days, I was severely depressed (bullying'll do that to you). Broken individual with little personality (all I really had was a great love for games, which remained). I met someone online who became an incredibly close friend, and we created a chat RPG together with two more friends, and went on really random adventures. The friendship with her is what perdured for a few more years, and eventually died in what I can only define as verbal bloodbaths.

Fact is: we were both broken individuals. Though it brought us close at first, I think it is the reason it tore us apart eventually - because, as I worked on getting my issues sorted, I think it created issues on her side, as I was less online, less attached dare I say... Things deteriorated over time, moreso because she only wanted to roleplay with a single of my characters (which is Eglen) while I had tons more I wanted to roleplay. But she didn't seem to care. Understandably so as, before this all happened, I'd made her life hell roleplaying a whole lotta Kassandra. Those weren't good days. Basically, I put every negative emotion, every hate I had of the world (and certain people) into her, resulting in a character that was near well evil incarnate. These are days I regret. In hindsight, I completely understand how the friendship broke... I just wish she'd told me the truth. I still don't know the truth. I can only make assumptions based on observation and certain facts. I suppose the sad fact about it all is that she still hates me, after over 8 years... and I'm like: okay *shrug*.

The character I'd created to express all that pain has not changed much over the years. She is still evil, vindictive, manipulative, overall horrible. The difference is that there's a whole solid background explaining her personality now, complete with very deep wounds. She's the character I hate to love, and perhaps the one I know best for having her so long. Her personality greatly remained the same. She's still the one I turn to when I feel like crap, and writing horrible stuff with her at the forefront always makes me feel good. One could say she represents the worst in me, as she always has - it's her reason for existing after all! No other reason than that for her existence. She's devilish fun to write XD what makes her evil more interesting is that it has very strong reasons to exist - and those reasons make her far more human, and broken, than she'd ever admit she is.

A broken character for a broken individual - a humanly flawed character for a humanly flawed person. She and I have in common that we like to get our own way. She'll just get it with far more violence than I would XD

One may wonder: why keep such a character? I've personally never asked myself the question, though I've regretted ever creating her a few times. In time, with age, as personal pain became but a background noise, I dissociated the character from myself. She came to stand on her own two feet, and decided she was going to remain who she was. Certain bits of her background I kept, and adapted, which made for a character with far more depth (and personal issues). There are honestly some parts of her life that make me feel bad for her, despite how horrible she is. She wasn't born evil, even though she'd deny that. But then, she's the sort of evil who doesn't find herself evil. She relishes certain evil deeds, and they make sense within the past she no longer remembers. Whenever I write her, all I can feel is how broken she is... and that nothing, and no one, will ever be able to mend her. Too many betrayals. Not enough capacity to be good.

In that way, she makes me very sad. I guess I'm the only one who cares about her - well, me and her son. And she seriously doesn't understand why.

And that is all for Kassandra :)

Theme 12: Kassandra - Week 2

IT'S ALMOST MY BIRTHDAY.

That is all. << XD

Seriously, my mind's not keeping up with much anymore XD I think the upcoming holidays have started getting my brain all hyper and wee and as I'm tired, I'm just... semi-wee. Working on getting a more regular sleeping schedule again, banishing sugar (got a bit sick recently), and I need to get that Wii Fit going again.

That's all for life. Onto the writing!

Decided to share a special little something today. As I've said in week 1, Kassandra is a Vampire. The worst kind of Vampire, basically. But she wasn't always the monster she became. Like every other Vampire, she used to be a person - the awful kind of person, that is true, but she's known a precious few moments of respite, of care, which she did not know how to handle.

Awful as she was, there was one person who cared. Unconditionally.

Theme 12: Kassandra - Week 1

Of course I caught a cold that annoyed me all weekend long.

Weeks bleed together and I forget what exactly I did... Just remember it was a lot of writing, and even a lot of drawing. This week is themed RL because on Friday I have to go to Bruges to get news on that nursing course, so knowing myself I'll be mostly out of the creativity zone (on top of still being somewhat sick). And next Monday to the unemployment office... e.e

In the meantime though, we keep making strides forward. Bf has been wanting to create an app to put my stories on (we'll see if that ever happens <<), and I've just spent what seems like the entire week commenting on another's work XD but it was worth it. So much so. Really friendly writer who paid me back in kind (best comment EVER), and who gave me so much love and appreciation for my comments that it just... made me melt. ^__________________^

I guess that was mostly my week XD this week I have some RL reading to do, and then we'll see.

For now, dernière ligne droite! And second to last character theme :)

Now, I debated with myself who I'd talk about this time. I had a few choices, and the one I ended up making was perhaps not the best one (especially plot-wise, I'm gonna be walking on eggshells here XD), but considering I'd started making this blog to also speak of my oldest characters, I can't NOT talk about her.

So without further ado, I present to you...

Kassandra

Who is Kassandra?

Chances are she'll be the last thing you ever see.

Kassandra is a Vampire. She has been alive for quite some time, and has been a force of destruction nearly her entire life.

The depths of her soul are a thing born of horror. Kassandra lies, cheats, kills without hesitation, torments and tortures for her own pleasure - and oh, pleasure she has. Nothing says 'day well spent' like screams of agony obtained with your own hands. For all intents and purposes, Kassandra is an incarnation of evil - the sort of villain that appears one-sided and devoid of any real emotions.

But Kassandra has a different kind of darkness in her heart. One that has been with her longer than she can remember. This darkness feeds on her own fears of solitude; and because Kassandra has never learned to cope with loss and anger, she lashes out, sometimes incomprehensibly so - even to herself. This hunger for connection led her to making bad choices, one of which being the man who would become the father of her child... and abandon her.

Kassandra and the Novel

Her place in it is still pretty much up in the air. You'd think she'd have a place of choice, right? The problem is that someone so evil can really make a story sinister and gorey XD; but she'll be in it, even if through mentioning. Because her son often thinks about her. Even though he hates himself for it but, sometimes, he misses his crazy, tormenting mother. As said during his week: he has a very distorted view of what love should be. Just as Kassandra does. Love is something tainted by violence and hatred. By bloodshed and consuming despair. But to Kassandra herself, 'love' is something she doesn't understand, something that is intricately tied with hatred. I daresay she's incapable of love as we understand it, but not incapable of attachment. And it is this attachment that may lead her feet into this story, whether I like it or not.

Theme 11: Ayden - Week 4

I feel like I got so much done last week, I can't begin to enumerate everything XD let's just say we're going forward in many ways.

Week 4! I should have enough year-time left to fit in two more characters, one of which is already decided. The one for next week, however, is still up for self-debate XD I do want to stay in theme, but that may be hard. Anyway. Issues for another day.

Today I pick a scene that happens as Ayden and Richard found themselves enroled in a great plot to strike down the Emperor's bride-to-be, Lady Misa. Things, however, did not go quite as planned...

(note: the dark-skinned women are slaves.)

Theme 11: Ayden - Week 3

I feel like my week has been uneventful o.o all I can say is I'm almost through watching Sailor Moon in its entirety. 3 episodes left to go! I really enjoyed the three first seasons (especially the third one with Haruka and Michiru e.e), 4 was boredom incarnate, and 5 is globally okay. The first episodes were great with Nehelenia, and I really enjoyed the 'plot' regarding Usagi's faithfulness towards Mamoru. And the plot twist a couple of episodes ago that gave all of the episodes and her dilemma fist-to-the-gut feelz. I'm just happy to finally have seen it, the way it's meant to be seen. It's an achievement XD and I did do some writing if I recall right. Kinda forgot. Ah well.

So here is week three of Ayden.

Ayden: Origin Story

Basically all has been said in week 1: I created Ayden while searching for information on what exactly happened to that Human Empire that it suddenly drafted new laws that would (or, should I say, should) lead to a genocide, to put it simply.

See, here's how things work for me while figuring out things: I get a first idea, and I'll run with it. I do so because, generally, the first idea is also the right idea. I can get it wrong and have to rework my ideas, but that will usually happen if I really try to make a plot happen. When I don't, things happen far more naturally and work out for the better as well. In the case of the Empire's corruption, I got an idea on what was happening fairly easily; but, as I worked on chapter 2 of TAoS, I realized that my 'global view' was no longer enough: I needed to know what was truly going on. So I took what I knew with almost certainty, and started asking myself the questions: why would this happen? How would this character get there? Who were they? What is their background? What does it mean in relation to their evolution? Would they make these choices? Etc...

It may seem easy to write, but it really isn't XD there's always a lot to keep in mind. And that's how I got stuck at the very last scene of Ayden's rise to power, that led me to having to figure out a couple more characters, that led to figuring out an event of sorts, that led to needing to understand another character, which I got wrong so I had to make changes that aren't done yet... andsoforth. The good thing about all this that it's made me really good at thinking and applying logic XD the bad thing is that I'm still stuck because I don't know enough about the world-time I'm working with and I really don't want to go there XD (but I fear I will e.e)

So, basically, Ayden came to exist because I knew the kind of character I globally needed: which was a Necromancer. That's usually when a character will appear in my mind and say 'I'm the one you need'. And we work from there.

And that's it for Ayden's story XD

Theme 11: Ayden - Week 2

Lots of writing this week. Two pieces uploaded to my site, which you can find links to on the right side of the entrance :) and... that's basically my week. XD I've been trying to get into writing pseudo-chapters for the novel. It's been a total blast. I'm sure I won't use everything as it's written, but it's helping me build on ideas and thoughts and character interactions are making me giddy. XD

Anyway. Week 2 of Ayden! And to stay in the zone, I decided to share one of the turning points in Ayden and Richard's 'relationship', for lack of a better term. Much happened between then and now, which I won't detail :) let's just say that fate has a way of bringing people back together...

Theme 11: Ayden - Week 1

A week of insomnia, nightmares to go crazy over (dreaming my cat had gotten horribly mauled: he was missing the top of his front paw and had literally no face anymore and he still moved. Like a zombie). Chronophobia kicking in with birthday nigh and novel still a distant dream, on top of society demanding I be useful to them (understandably). So much time to do everything, so little progress, and I'm going a little crazy over here trying to keep up with everything. I grow more and more in need of a complete break from the world.

Anyhow. This theme, we're going to breach a topic I've skirted about for quite some time now. It is one of the main topics of my story, namely the 'death' part. I hadn't originally planned on discussing this topic more in-depth, but it'll be a nice conclusion to this character-filled year, having started it with life and Aneskia :)

So without further ado I give you...

Ayden

He makes my arting life so easy :°)

Don't you hate it when people purposefully hide a character's appearance so to make them more 'mysterious'? I do too. This isn't a cover-up: Ayden doesn't have an appearance because, technically, he's a dead man's soul.

Who is Ayden?

Ayden was, and is. These two lives aren't the same anymore, as the Human Ayden died when his soul escaped his body and possessed his sister's corpse instead.

Back up, rewind.

So, who was Ayden? He was a Human like any Human, with a strong interest in alchemy, and a failing body that made living all the harder. He had always been a recluse, always hated that he was weak while his sister Kristin had been strong and beautiful. And, one day, Ayden had had enough of his life and tried to kill himself.

That is when the Whispers spoke to him for the very first time.

Ayden was not the same after this encounter. He had experienced something, an existence beyond the veil of reality - a quiet peace he'd long to reach again. But the Whispers had frightened him; though he wanted to cease living, he was afraid of attempting to die. He did not know what was going to happen. Thus begun an obsession that brought him to Korinda, the Human county reputed for its shady dealings and even shadier people, and eventually led him back home, where he would eventually kill his sister, and take over her body.

Who is Ayden? He is what is called a Necromancer - a living being transmuted by the power of death, risen through death into a new existence. In death did Ayden find peace... and, eventually, a new purpose that would befall him after his very first encounter with the Vampire Richard...

Ayden and the Novel

Well, to cut this short: he won't be in it XD not in the first volume, anyway. So, why am I mentioning him? Because Ayden is the cause of the Empire's corruption - and, ultimately, one of the reasons that the story will take place. He was created as I sought explanations/backstory to the fact the Human Empire gets corrupted at all... and, from there, things evolved. Ayden became a very real personality, albeit flawed, and has even taught me a few things about Necromancers that I hadn't known.

Though Ayden has no direct role in the first tome, his presence by the Emperors' sides has shaped about three centuries of Human history, culminating in the creation of laws that forbid any and all magic-users to tread Empire grounds... and, as can be expected, it didn't take long for laws to become monetization methods.

That is how, one day, the Human town of Farren will be the theater of a lone girl's flight...

Theme 10: Richard - Week 4

I dunno if it's the coffee or the weather or just some crap on mobile gaming or not sleeping well all weekend, but I've been feeling very negative these past few days and I don't understand why. Not quite, anyway. Some I can guess. Other, I'm not so sure of. I have this feeling change is afoot and it's making me panic, but at the same time it's not like I get the feeling this change is bad. Maybe it's just the change of season o.o wouldn't surprise me.

Just been very fed up with negativity (proof is: I dreamt about my previous manager, that I basically got mad at him for all the crap he's pulled since I was there and that he broke into tears explaining why he changed so much... wishful thinking I guess), everywhere I've seen it. And it's making me negative in turn. Like in math, two negatives make a positive << except not really. So, trying to cut back on everything that occupies my brain in a bad way. Then, I get some inspiration for novel-related short stories (as in, chapter-ish stuff), and I'm thinking: that's what I should be doing. And drawing. And all the good stuff in life. Mmm I want some incense too e.e

Anyhoo. Last week for my dear Richard! As I gave you a glimpse into his pre-Vampire life in week 2, this week I turn things around. A lot. Because I can't mention the Vampire Richard without speaking of the singular encounter that would change his entire life... I have been avoidant of the topic for quite some time, but now I feel it has to be breached, and what better way than to give a glimpse into next theme's own personality...

Note: some topics and overall theme are not meant for all eyes. The fact is that the novel will have really hard moments and topics, as well as much nicer ones. So, consider yourself warned, for this is rated R for some language/implications and several violent, gory moments.

Theme 10: Richard - Week 3

Myes I'm a couple days late... Sunday I had a dinner with old colleagues (which was an absolute blast, so glad to have seen them again <3), yesterday unemployment office and then the day just sorta... flew by. Had a lot of ProjectComment to catch up on (still do, two comments x.x), have my art for DPSchool to continue, a job to apply for... There was this goddamned fly attacking me (just got the creature outside, so happy e______e), and I do want to play some Diablo 3 because I don't have this season's rewards yet << (kinda stopped playing because my Diablo partner'd stopped too :/). Plus I'd been under loads of stress because of an obsessive kid that is too damaged for words - first time I ever had to write any game support for harassment. EVER. But I did. And the stress is all but gone... But this encounter did make me doubt whether I was made to help people after all...

And then I told myself: seriously, one kid is gonna break you? One little bullier whose own life is a clear trainwreck? You can't help everyone - and there's no shame leaving behind the people who wrap themselves in negativity when all you want and seek is positivity. So, I also removed my previous manager from my Facebook after wishing him a happy birthday. It hurts me because I had so much respect for that man. So much. But he's had 5 months to get back in touch with me. I would've liked being able to explain to him how dead I was feeling inside because of that job, and that I couldn't go on just for the colleagues anymore... but I never got a chance. As he cut the contact, I waited for him to try and rebuild the bridge. It didn't happen. And as I am taking steps forward in life, I needed to let go of some weight.

So I made the decision to follow a nursing course starting sometime at the beginning of next year. Today I'm in full doubt about whether I made the right decision XD but the fact is I need to help people, period. That's it. That's my life's course, aside from writing. And I got compliments from the unemployment clerk saying I was consequent and 'a gift as a workforce for any firm' - literally. I could've cried. It was so out of the blue. The modest part of me had trouble accepting the compliment; the selfish/self-aware part was saying: finally, someone who realizes it AND says it! XD

So yeah. Life changes coming once again, hopefully this time without any health issues XD it'll be a ten month course, again in Bruges. I'm probably gonna be happy to have a driver's license, because I can't do the train thing again. I can't. I'm panicking at the idea of having to. So, yeah... next year is still far away, so for now:

It's time for week 3 of Richard!

Richard's Origin Story

Richard is a fairly new character. As I think I've mentioned, I've been working on figuring out my Human Empire and how it got corrupted, as I need this information to write chapter 2 of the novel. It has led me greatly astray, lemme tell you! Fact is, I know who and what is at the helm of the Empire - what I didn't know was how it happened. That is how I created a new character named Ayden Ryall (who I will not be speaking about... not yet anyway <<), who I know will end up in the higher spheres and be an influence of destruction. The problem was to figure out how Ayden got from point A to point B... and, as I figured his life out, I realized he must have met a Vampire at some point. That Vampire was Richard.

What started out as a somewhat random character soon grew into a personality, and I had to write his own entire life story out to continue Ayden (this happens a lot to me << XD). While writing things out between Ayden and Richard, I slowly got the feeling not only Ayden, but Richard had played a role in the Empire's corruption - not as direct a role, but still an important player. The story led them to encounter the assassin group Atrophy, and eventually one led to the other... At present I still need to write the exact way Ayden entered the higher spheres, and I got stopped from a lack of understanding of the Emperor, so I'm writing his life story now XD I still don't know what Richard will plan to do with Atrophy, but I think this'll create interesting possibilities for Book 2. :)

So that is Richard's origin story: created at random, became interesting to me, figured him out... and now I'm hooked on him XD; I like too many of my (evil) characters. But, well, even evil characters have layers and reasons for being who they are...and that's what makes them interesting. :)

Theme 10: Richard - Week 2

Been feeling a bit under the weather these past few days. Even now, writing feels like... omg, fingers moving but what's happening! XD so yeah. Not all here. But that's okay! Because today is easy-blog-day ^_______^

Week 2 of Richard! And I thought it might be nice to give a glimpse of his Human life, to compare it to his current-ish life in two weeks. His lifestory is mostly unedited, so forgive any linguistic weirdnesses o.o

(also omg for once it's non-sad stuff. Like, holy crap. Amaze-balls. XD (my brain is so sick, I swear. XD;))

Theme 10: Richard - Week 1

Thought I'd forgotten something yesterday XD too busy watching debates and then writing. I'm almost done working out how the Human Empire got corrupted. I gotta say it's been one hell of an unexpected ride, during which I created seven or so new characters (complete with background info because of course). The worst was that moment when I got four new ones at once. I had to quit the story to go and write their individual stories XD

No background story however got as long as that of this guy...

Richard

Need to finish his hair sometime. Man was I so glad with this pic. << still kinda am :)

Who is Richard?

The short of it is: Richard is a Vampire who rose from being the leader of a tiny guild of mercenaries, to influencing the entire history of the Human Empire. He was of course not alone in doing so. The reality is that he had never intended to become involved in anything beyond assuring for himself and his subordinates a comfortable life. One encounter changed his life forgood.

Richard is the sort of man who cares about very little beyond the scope of his own little life. He does not connect with people, not really, and even when he reluctantly accepts to spend time with some, it will always be with an ulterior motive in mind. He is not a man of his word, nor does he care: in his eyes, no one is to be trusted, so what difference does it make if he chooses to break any half-hearted promise he may make.

Beneath deceit and lies, there are but few consistencies, but they have affected him for the many centuries of his life. Richard does not like women; for good reason, as the Vampire woman who turned him treated him like her own personal lapdog until the day he managed to take her by surprise and kill her, breaking free at last. Killing her, however, did not satisfy a deep part of himself - the part that still conjures recurrent dreams of inhuman screams, the only sound capable of reminding Richard that even he has a heart.

Richard and the Novel

Whether he will appear in it is still up in the air... If he does, it won't be in the first one (because ambitions << XD). So why am I talking about him? Because, as mentioned, he has influenced the history of the Empire, and that this history has ramifications that, in a way, set the entire story in motion.

I won't delve yet in the reasons for his creation, so let's just say: I don't yet know how important Richard truly has become. I'm still writing the story involving him (42 pages and counting), and am just about to reach the one point in time that completely changes the Empire's fate. Yes, he has a role to play in it. In fact, it's his own idea I'm about to write out. Like seemingly always, it's gonna involve killing << XD I just don't know yet how the scene will play out. ... I'm actually really curious to discover it, so here we go. XD

Theme 09: Aeva - Week 4

Finally caught up on ProjectComment's comments, still have a journal and a note to reply to... Been pretty depressed this weekend due to a job interview not succeeding for no apparent reason. When a fellow candidate tells you the winner may have already been picked even before you do the interview, and after a basically perfect interview you're 'not selected' to go to the next round, you've got reasons to wonder whether the person was right. I've heard more than once that certain exams are just there for legal reasons and not to find candidates. Added to the fact I got the distinct feeling one of the jury really didn't like me (and I don't even know them!), it makes me wonder. I can call tomorrow for more information, and even though I just want to close that chapter today, I think asking for a reason is pretty valid on my part.

The upside of this is that my mind is more and more focusing on what I should really be doing with my outside life. Ideally I'd like to find a job that allows me to work with depressed teens. Why? Because I was a depressed teen; I'm 35 now, constantly blooming further; and it literally hurts/drives me mad whenever there's news of a teen committing suicide because of bullying/reasons. But especially bullying. I have no idea how to even find such a job - what I do have though is lots and lots of experience getting back up the hole. I think that even seeing a person like me, to make them understand there's life beyond the darkness that can be school and that a beautiful life can be waiting for you, is something necessary when you realize bullying is a rampant disease. I don't want to be stuck at a desk; I need to make a difference. That's what that experience is all about.

This said, Today I should be going to get my official driver's license << I seriously can't wait to have that itty bit of plastic. TOTAL ACHIEVEMENT.

And now, for week 4 of Aeva.

And I have no idea what to share. Seriously. I've got nothing more. I really need to get more written about Aeva, but I've been working on another part of the world <<

So I thought I'd say a little more about the Wyr.

As mentioned, there are three great types of Wyr: the wairs (large felines), the bears, and the wolves. Few and far between are anomalies such as Eglen, which I think is related to the fact that Elven blood, especially Elshir, reacts differently to the presence of what I shall call the 'Wyr gene'. Most, if not all Wyr are Humans. Within this race there are still distinctions: some are more beast than man, and vice versa. The beast-like Wyr have lived in the Malmernian country for ages, long before it was ever colonized by Elves fleeing the growing Empire's laws on magic and otherness; the Human-like Wyr spent their days amid Humans, some (but few) of which remaining still in the Empire. They are the ones who would hide and protect Elves and other non-Humans and know how to conceal them (and themselves) from the wairs used by certain patrols to snif out non-Humans.

Before getting to this point though, the Empire was often overruled by Vampires.

During a few centuries, there was a literal plague of Vampirism breaking out. Each city, even each village, harboured at least one Vampire. Unlike what many thought, not all Vampires were mindless killers; in fact, many were decent citizens. Though they do require fresh blood in order to ensure their longevity, Vampires can easily subsist on any type of meal they find enjoyable. They'll be easy to spot should they broadly smile (incisors and lateral incisors sharpen during the transition), but are otherwise far more Human-like than the collected Wyr, who stand out due to their lack of (strong) emotions.

Not all Vampires were nice people though. Some, curious of the Wyr power, decided it would be interesting to try and drain the Wyr to obtain their shapeshifting abilities. This resulted in monstrousities, and in a war between Wyr and Vampires waged on Humans grounds.

The Wyr were not keen on battling Vampires, but they would protect themselves to the death. During this long-lasting war that terrorized the Empire, certain Vampires rose about their brethren to protect both the Wyr and the Humans, and try and return a semblance of normalcy to their homes. Despite these noble goals, Vampires were still seen as monsters, as murderers, and killed no matter what side they were on. In time the Vampire population dwindled. The Wyr did not forget those who had aided them, and still provided shelter for those Vampires whom they sensed were no threat to anyone beyond their natural survival requirements.

The beast Wyr of Malmern had it far easier. They lived as animals, in a barren place rife with life for those, like themselves, who knew how to find it. During the civil war opposing two of the Empire's races, the Humans and outnumbered Elves, said Elves fled to Malmernian and colonized the barren lands to create a country where they could live free, and in harmony with all other races. In time the beast Wyr of Malmernian started walking the capital, Malmern's streets... and involve themselves in the workings of this city that they would see become corrupted by greed - a greed they would make use of. Though not in charge of politics in any way, the Malmernian Wyr have found ways to influence the politics of the city without making themselves known. Few know of their presence - and most who know of them, such as other Wyr like Aeva, see no reason as to why to divulge their presence. Though Aeva doesn't agree with all of their practices, some which she deems 'too Human'. As some Vampires are more man than monsters, so are some Wyr more cruel than survivalists.

And that is all for the Wyr aspect of things... Next week I'll dive into the other racial half of this explanation ;)

Theme 09: Aeva - Week 3

I feel like the week's been long... Had a job interview Thursday, yesterday did some ironing while bf read (24 pages in one go cuz he's awesome), today had lunch at the parents', tomorrow I'm expected at the unemployment office and then it's off to try and get my driver's license and I'll be called back for a job and we may go to his parents'... Just, o.O. I guess not as long as it's been stressful. Looking forward to it being Tuesday XD

Oh and I wrote a lot. 14 or so pages on Friday, and about two each other day. I'm this close to figuring out how my Empire got corrupted and what that meant for its inhabitants. .. and I created five more characters, four of which important, all of them requiring background info I had to figure out immediately because they were created all at once. My brain fried that day. XD

Unrelatedly, I had a weird nightmare last night: the sun was overheating and was going to destroy the planet; the only way to conjure some clouds was to sing Within Temptation songs. I kid you not. I remember singing Stand my Ground and Where is the edge, and a third one I forgot. There was more to the nightmare, with some kind of living (and walking) plant being the culprit and when you sang next to it, a vine-like extension protruded that had to be destroyed to stop the overheating. The creepiest part was being in the street (to my parents' apartment because OF COURSE THE WORLD MUST END THERE e.e) and seeing this flaming wave of heat approaching the planet and destroying everything in its path. Interestingly enough, running away was possible, but all the buildings caught fire (including my parent's apartment, which was horrible). I swear, my brain is insane. INSANE. It really enjoys making me feel like crap. XD;

Anyway, here we are for Week 3 of my dear Aeva, where I delve a little bit into the reasons for her creation...

Aeva's Origin Story

As has been mentioned in previous entries, my world kind of took a life of its own when I started writing the defunct Journal of Erjin and things got away from me - as in, what started as a random blog to share ideas through a character's PoV became the journal of a 'real' person, who one day ran into some bad people... Everything started from there. Many ideas intertwined, old characters suddenly got a chance to express themselves again, and I ended up with quite the gathering of old (and important) characters ending up in Malmern - with good reason to be there. I had already gotten some idea of Malmern when realizing Kristofa would've ended up there, but it all hit higher gear when I wrote Erjin's encounter after asking and answering myself the question: who do I have who could be anywhere in the world, and would have a good reason to help someone else out of the goodness of their heart? (PS: I love that guy, even when he's an ass << XD)

So several events later, the Lady Nadieja decides not only to release an admittedly monstrous man whom she deems innocent, but to give him certain rights as well - a choice that will make her popular among the commoners, and will have dire repercussions on the mid-long to short term (but that is a story for another time). Logic aiding, we figured she would not release only one 'criminal', if only because she sensed that Devon may be somewhat of a loose cannon with laudable but lawless principles... So Nadieja released a few more, each one a criminal by life but an innocent by Malmernian law (and in her own eyes)... Aeva was one of them. The second one, in fact. And Nadieja asked of her to keep an eye on the aforementioned Vampire, just in case. It was a request, not an order - and when Aeva first met Devon, she decided for herself that Nadieja's request was valid. She sensed a dangerous quality to a man otherwise affable, even likable (and liked indeed by every person he had ever, and would ever, help). It may just be this request that saved Devon's life the day he got stabbed with a Moonsshine dagger, which has a brittle type of blade that possesses the effect of slowing down bloodflow - and thus the healing ability of Vampires. Aeva is the one who got him to the Healer's Guild, where he was treated, and survived. And this is an event that will have more repercussions as well, but that is also a story for another time ;)

All in all, it can be said I created Aeva due to Nadieja's logic. She helped me think about the type of creature she'd logically give a free pass... A Wyr condemned to death for murdering a guard out of self-preservation was one of them. Aeva's personality quickly built from there. I'll also admit I'd thought she could be a love interest for Devon (because his solitude makes me so sad at times), but I quickly came to realize that was so not gonna happen, on either side - and that even friendship may not occurr because they have very divergent opinions on basically everything (which makes their work relationship all the more interesting I think XD). I doubt they can even agree to disagree, as Devon does often think he is right, yet he is smart enough to realize Aeva's methodical approach to issues can be beneficial to the parties involved (but, I do feel there'd be an irrational reason for his defiant stances, so I'll forgive him). This said, Aeva does not care about being hated or liked: her opinion is hers alone, she forces no one to share it or defy it. She will do what she thinks is right - not because she thinks she is always right, but because she follows her natural instincts. Should she happen to be wrong, then she will accept potential repercussions, whatever they may be. And, yes, she had accepted that she was to die for the murder of the guard: even though she had acted out of self-preservation, she understands Malmernian law may think her a criminal.

As said, Aeva's personality has quickly grown, and it's become quite strong. I also diverged from the 'origin story' XD but it relates to it. This personality is her origin story, it's the reason she ever got created. That she would become as important a character, however, I never saw coming. Though, when terror and madness will fill Malmern's streets, they will be glad to have a loyal friend on their side who knows no fear and will be capable of rational thought.

And that is all for Aeva for this week. ... I love that woman. But then, what character of mine do I not love XD even the bad ones. Oi. XD

Theme 09: Aeva - Week 2

T'is Monday again, the day I try and catch up with all my responsibilities. It'll be an interesting week as Thursday I have a job interview, and next week Monday my driving exam that I really really need to pass or I won't be driving by end September anymore. So yeah, totally no stress << XD

In the meantime some writing has occurred, not so much drawing. Trying to find some balance between the two while still going forward with both. There are not enough hours in a day to do everything. XD

And, I've gotten my hands on the Final Fantasy X remaster and I have to say: I am enjoying that game far more now than I did 10 years ago. Okay, they clearly made huge adjustments to the facial expressions (coming from PS2, it says a lot!) and the music remaster is to die for... but the story itself hasn't changed. I guess I have. Or, rather, the story now speaks to me in ways it couldn't way back when because I didn't have my own stories planned out. As death is an essential component in them, it only makes sense FFX has drawn me in like never before. I'm also less prone to quit when a boss kicks my ass several times in a row << XD (Seymour Flux made me quit the game way back when). Now I've reached Zanarkand and a plot twist I recall not having quite understood the first time around (the blend English voices/French text wasn't exactly helpful)... and it already reminds me of the ending, and that I am so going to cry at the end. Again. XD (though so many moments make me cry... I swear, it really has drawn me in like never before).

And I wonder: will I ever be able to write a story as compelling? Will I ever get it done? Whichever stage I finally reach, I want to at least be able to say: I tried. But rather will I say: I succeeded, and I'm not done succeeding.

And so we reach week two for Aeva, which means: writing! :D now, I looked through my files and found only one worthy of sharing. I decided to share the entire (incomplete) thing, even if the starting character isn't Aeva... but the fact is they will deal with one another on a regular base. As this writing dates back a few years though, parts of it may have become obsolete, but the tone and character depictions remain in my eyes correct.

As for the scenes themselves, they happen sometime after Nadieja's meeting with Seres and the subsequent danger Erjin encountered, only to be rescued in more ways than one. As you can see, yes, I've started lingering about a specific place in my world XD I guess I just like it there. Next month I will take us to the Empire, but shh, still a couple weeks left to go ;)

Theme 09: Aeva - Week 1

Doesn't happen often that I get so fed up with someone I simply block them - in fact, it hasn't happened in my 'more mature' years, and the list of FB blocked people was 3 people long - one dating back 5 years ago, another from about that same time, and a third who was spam. I think.

Yet today I had to block someone again. It's a weird feeling for someone who's all about trying to make people understand my points and discuss problems... but what do you do with someone who simply. Refuses. To. Listen. There's so much to say, so much negative, that I'm gonna stop myself right here. I don't like giving up on people since it goes again my need to be helpful - at the same time, that exact need is unhealthy. At some point, you have to be capable of saying enough is enough, and to move on.

It's an important lesson to learn when you like to help people: sometimes, you just can't. Sometimes, only mistakes can make a person learn and grow, and this growth will have to happen beyond your control. I noticed I was starting to take over that person's bad habits, which is really weird for me since I'd though I'd stopped being a sponge... Apparently not. So, lesson learned.

Moving on! Had some trouble determining which character I was going to talk about next, and I figured since we're still in Malmern, why not stay there. So I picked one that'll be fun to talk about because I get to introduce another race :D...

Aeva

New pic ftw! :D

Who is Aeva?

Aeva was born somewhere around Midri, one of the three towns surrounding Malmern. Midri is home to many an alchemist and experiment, to shady dealers and dealings, and the Elvin town most socially apt Wyr call home.

Aeva is one of the Wyr race; the Wyr are majoritarily Human-looking beastshifters. Called werewolves and werewairs in olden times when the Wyr and the Vampires waged a long-fought war in the shadows, the Wyr are not the bloodthirsty beasts some Humans depicted them as. The Wyr are both Human and animal; most are either wolf, wair or bear, with matching personalities - wolves are social loners, wairs territorial and caring, and bears strong and cunning. They are neither bloodthirsty nor primitive, and Aeva is an excellent example of the Wyr's intellect.

Aeva herself was born wolf, raised wolf, and taught by a paranoid father to use her 'Human half' only to avoid detection. She was still young when he attacked Midrins and was caught, hung in Midri's outskirts by a hind paw, and skinned alive. Wolf Aeva saw this with her very own eyes, frightening her into her Human form... but her eyes never reverted from their animalistic yellow shine, making her stand out immediately in a crowd. An alchemist found her and decided to keep her - in the beginning as a pet, later on as a full-fledged apprentice with unfortunately little understanding of the craft... but give her tools, and she could fix his apparatuses with relative ease.

This interest in machinery is what led Aeva to one day attend the Dogren festival in Malmern - a grand festival where the Dogren, a race of Humanoid mountain people seemingly carved our of rock itself, showcase their inventions and grant the most interesting of requests made by the Malmernian. There she ran into racist Honorary who stirred up trouble, and Aeva turned wolf and attacked one of them... leading her to be arrested and thrown in jail, where she would have awaited an inevitable death sentence for being a 'threat to society' (a laughable notion to be sure, but one the Malmernian would eat up in those dire times), were it not for one Elvin woman who saw past appearances and decided to not only release her, but offer her the opportunity to become one of many hands of justice...

Aeva and the novel

Aeva's role is as of yet undefined; she is still in construction phase, so I've yet to discover the depths of her personality. She, like Devon, will play a part in the protection of Malmern's innocents, and I have sensed already that they won't get all too well along (I've speculated that he has been in the thick of the Vampire/Wyr war in the past, and that he's seen enough of the Wyr to feel uncomfortable (and I'm sure there are more personal reasons but he's telling me to leave him alone << XD)).

Aeva has no qualms with anyone, even not with the people who do her harm. She does not hate, nor does she judge by appearances alone. This makes her an invaluable asset in the grand scheme of things, as she may be one of few voices who will take Aneskia's defense once the going gets rough and events start piling up. She does believe in the greater good but to a certain degree - she will always try and see beyond the obvious, to think of all possible ramifications, quite as her master has taught her with alchemy: never stop at what you know, even if the unknown may kill you.

I haven't said much about her involvement in the story huh XD still working on it... but I wanted to present the Wyr, who are basically my take on werewolves :) kind of happened naturally, as I already had a Wyr years ago, but I just didn't know it yet. In those days I just called him a gargoyle and thought: hey, shapeshifting, cooooool XD defining the Wyr happened as I started working on the world's history, and discovered certain events that happened tens of thousands of years ago. ^^

And that is all. For now. << XD

Theme 08: Erjin - Week 4

Today I feel overwhelmed. Been up for an hour, feel like the world's too much to bear. Interestingly enough, this feeling occurred after I shared a personal post by someone I watch on DA - wondering how people on my FB will react to it, if at all. I'm always the one wondering how people will react because I always feel like I'm supposed to be a specific person (and by 'always' I mean, whenever I feel out of sync with myself); or wondering whether people who can relate to the post will be upset over it. I don't know. I think I simply think/feel too much. Like everything, it'll pass.

Other things worthy of mention:

- I got a cool drawing idea for Nalyn last night; I think that's what I'll be doing right after I try and decrease my DA backlog;

- I made a Tumblr; it'll likely serve about the same purpose as the Facebook page, except with less random/unfinished writings, and more cat photos.

And here we are at week 4! This week, a continuation of Week 2, and an encounter that changed Erjin's perspective of the world and some of its inhabitants...

Theme 08: Erjin - Week 3

So many things thought, so little able to say.

I've been suffering from "de-synchronization' lately; what this means is that I don't feel in sync with myself, and that I feel as though I react in 'wrong' ways (like being overly talkative, not thinking my words through as much,...) because of it. It may seem like a silly problem from a distance, but what it does is affect every part of my life and make me be someone else than me. As such, everything I enjoy (especially writing) has been a struggle I'm barely willing to undertake... Even needed a prolonged break from ProjectComment because I was losing my grip on things. I think a blend of current world/national events and a multitude of projects has made my inner circuits fry. So, I just try and keep going forward and listen way more to my wants than what I know I need, since they seem to balance themselves out anyway (as in, I can have a hunkering for a really good burger, but at the same time I'm eating less and feeling disgusted by fries). I can never explain why I'm the way I am... so I won't try to. Just go with the flow and, more importantly, trust this is but a faze (because that's exactly what I know it is). Usually, feeling like crap means there's some evolution afoot.

And we're on Week 3 (noooooooooooo), which means actual thought has to go into the post (aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh). Which sucks for me right now XD (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee) but... well, let's try and make this worthwhile anyway.

Erjin's Origin Story

Thing is, I already mentioned in Week 1's entry how and why Erjin came to be. There isn't really much more to say about her origin story, since that's basically it XD

However, I can say more about her secondary origin story; as in, why did I keep this blog-centric character and how did she evolve into an actual character whose existence has many ramifications relating to other characters and the story itself.

How it all started I no longer remember, but what it started with is a blog entry:

Day xx,

I do not know where to begin.

I have been unable to think for the past weeks. Were it not for everyone's support, even Lomalia's, I... I cannot say. I've cried many times in Janty's arms, who has been as kind to me as ever. They have all given me some time away, and I have stayed home since... since then.

I... witnessed a murder. The culprit bit a Honorary's neck to shreds. I was there when it happened. The man monster swiftly passed through the crowd, and came before me on all fours, gaping at me with blood clotting his face. I thought he was going to attack me. I thought... I, I thought I was going to die. The monster screeched at me and that is when the Honorary managed to subdue him by impaling him with a couple of lances. Harmed, but not killed, and later taken away to be imprisoned, questioned and... executed ? I try not to think of his sentence. I... am thankful to still be alive, and surrounded by friendly faces. This is the first evening I am capable of being alone. And picking up a quill. I have been trying to remove the image from my mind, the sound of his voice and the madness in his eyes by trying and establish the monster's race. With no books at my disposal, I have to rely solely on my memory, which appears to be dreadful at this time. I... can't stop thinking about the blood and the screams and those eyes, those bloodshot eyes, telling me I was going to be next. And then I fainted after he'd been taken away, to awake in my own bed, a hand held carefully by Janty. And I... I'm not going to sleep. I can't. His screech still echoes in my ears and I can't block out the sound and the horror and________________

This scene occurs before the writing in Week 2. It is what set a series of writings in motion, and that insidiously transformed Erjin from a blog-centric book rat, to a character who is part of the world at large. It will also explain part of Erjin's questions to a certain someone in Week 4's entry (just one more week to wait ;) ). But, this was a turning point in Erjin's evolution, and what made her a true character rather than just a narrative voice. Her secondary origin story, if you will :)

Before then I had been building her personality here and there, having decided she was a clumsy girl with a physical handicap (because I have too few of those), Elven, wearing glasses, sporting a pigtail (because I have no one who wears their hair like that XD), with freckles... you know, basic stuff. Only the handicap is special, as is the way it has been partially 'fixed' (dying to know what it is yet? XD), and this handicap gave me a rough idea of her backstory (which I'm honestly still working on). Figured she's smart and pretty good at finding logical connections between facts, and like many high IQ people: she's hopelessly impractical, bordering on appearing stupid (not to forget being clumsy and having burned irreplaceable books before). One may wonder why she hasn't been fired yet, and the main reason is: she unwittingly has friends in high places. This friend knows Erjin's mind is a useful one, and in the dark times ahead people like her will be necessary... 

But that is a story for another time. I leave you with another old blog entry, that might sound familiar if you've read Week 2's writing. This came before the writing itself, and with a few more entries after this one until I stopped the blog entirely, it set the stage for 5 writings that would make me determine enough about Malmern and some of its people to know it had to have a big part in TAoS. It all led to many discoveries and character building, as well as recently realizing there's a large-scale excavation going on to Malmern's west, deep in the H'Jen Desert...

There is no normalcy

The screams have all but faded away. I dream again of book-filled towers and flying pages eating one another. I have been told this manner of recurring dream is quite normal for young librarians, that it will disappear in time. These dreams are a welcome distraction, however. Sometimes, the Varyi's eyes still peer at me out of dark corners. I have been told that the Varyi has been executed. I should feel relieved. I suppose that, one day, I will.

I researched this race extensively for weeks. Certain authors depict the Varyi as ancient creatures descended from the Blood God Batetsu, of whom I've never heard; others believe the Varyi originate from the Malmernian area, and were created through experimentation by Lord Varyi, hence their name; yet others believe the Varyi are beings cursed by magic or ancient artefacts. And yet more believe they are but another race among many. My greatest breakthrough came a few nights ago, as I returned home quite late... and a little tipsy, to tell the truth. Oliver, the Honorary who saved my life, had stopped by the Library to invite me for a drink. I was stupefied. It goes without saying I am not used to the whole dating process. I was flattered and, to be entirely honest, I wondered whether a drink might actually relieve some of the stress I was still experiencing from the Varyi attack. We went to the Two Horns, a reputable establishment used to serving the Honorary. Our evening started out quite pleasantly, as we got to know each other... but it became eventually clear, despite the buzz in my head, that Oliver was here solely to drink the memories away. I suppose he had asked me to join him only to clear his own conscience. When I asked him to walk me home, he broke down in tears and screams answered by a couple of Honorary who'd been watching him since we'd entered the tavern. They proposed to take me home, but Oliver saw it as his duty to do so himself. I suppose I believed he could protect me as he already had, or that no one would dare attack a Honorary again.

We were ambushed as we rounded a corner. At first I thought the ugly bald human intended to rob us. Oliver called him Kal; Kal complained to Oliver that the Varyi had been executed, whereas Oliver complained they should have done a better job of keeping the Varyi captive. As the conversation escalated in hushed tones and I began to sober up, I comprehended the situation at hand. And I wondered in a heartbeat: had Oliver harmed the Varyi to protect me, or to protect himself from eventual suspicion ? The Varyi had been defending itself. Perhaps it never had the intention to harm anyone, let alone kill another person. This Kal, however, had every intention to, and mentionned to Oliver that I knew too much. Before I realized the predicament I was in, Kal was upon me. Rot and liquor filled my nose as his one hand gripped my neck. I couldn't scream, and Oliver's strength paled in comparison to Kal's.

In all honesty... part of me wanted to die, that evening. Irrationally, I blamed myself for the Varyi's execution. Perhaps it was a just return for my dark wishes regarding the Tellians. Perhaps I hated life too much, and I had been heard. My thoughts were quite jumbled that night, and I wondered whether I might finally meet my parents after I died. Then Kal's grip loosened and I fell to the floor. I gripped the cobblestones when I realized I still lived. A shrill, drawn-out hiss came from beside me: a man, half the size of this Kal, who tossed him aside as though he were but a weightless ragdoll. The man shrieked like a beast enraged and I realized immediately that this man was a Varyi. Everything went black. I only remember dreaming of feathered Varyi with sharp elongated teeth, hugging one another.

When I came to, I was home. The Varyi, who had remained by my side all night long, introduced himself as... ...