Theme 04: Devon - Week 4

And so we are, Sunday at last, final post for this month's theme. And I've brought something special with me: an entire whole new piece, done this week... with a sex scene. Because branching out is fun << XD

Seriously though, that's really but a tiny part of the story and fitting into character and relationship development. I must admit I really like these two together - not as a couple (because they both quite loudly say 'no' << XD), but as a dysfunctionally functional friendship unit. On the one hand you've got the hot-blooded Vampire with impeccable manners, on the other hand the pigheaded female warrior hailing from an ultra-peaceful race. ... I love this so much. XD

And an act that might tear apart most budding friendships will in fact bring these ill-assorted characters closer together...

Heavy week

I feel like I've tossed the proverbial plates against the walls and now I'm picking up the pieces, trying to determine what can be glued back together.

Just read an article that infuriates me regarding my government to the point I posted about it on Facebook (which I barely do as is, and never ever about matters like these). These feelings make me see just how fed up I am with a lot of things: my outside job (I'm heading for a burnout), my inside job (lack of motivation/support), the future in this country (don't get me started), the past and present within my family (been there, talked about that, moving on). Everything has in common a lack of future, of hope, of reasons to keep struggling through life because why bother? Why am I here? Why has my life been as it is? Why can't I change it? And when I try and change things, why is it in a destructive manner? Is this a cycle? Where am I heading with this?

One thing that's throwing me off, I think, is that feeling that someone's going to die next year. Someone I know and who's fairly close to me. It could potentially mean a miscarriage, which would really suck to go through again, but it's making me think about a lot of things. Analyzing my life, my path, the successes and the fails, how I got here, why, what it all means. Because it all means something. I'm not here by accident. It's why I've been trying to focus more on my talents than my shortcomings. I saw a potentially interesting job in the newspaper, and am going to apply for it (administrative job at the local fire department). I can but try. Right now, I don't know where I'm going. I'd rather stay at home for a while and get my mind sorted out, but I can't have everything I want. What I need, though, is to get out of the hopelessness, because hopelessness passes - everything passes. I have to believe there are still good things to come, for I refuse to believe I'm here to suffer selfishly. I'm not. I'm not here to shine bright, either. But I'm here to make a difference, and that's what the plate-tossing is all about. Creation comes from destruction. Heck, I finished my little story (bit over four pages), edited it already to a satisfactory level (I just can't get myself to read the sex scene over... I'm like, flushing like an innocent schoolgirl, I feel so damn stupid XD; ), sketched a pic I'll want to finish (will see about picking it up when it's time for Dr. Phil), and I've wanted to print out inspirational pics (but alas, printer no want). They say you have to reach rock bottom before you can make any changes, and I think I'm basically there. The question then is: where do I want to go? What do I want to do? Who am I? Why do I live?

I live to write. I live to create. I'm going to be starting a new chapter in life. I want to be proud of my accomplishments to come, and those already achieved. This comes with an ego I'm no longer willing to suppress. Except right now, because shut up, don't get carried away now XD but yeah. I'm embracing the fact I like to help people, and that being appreciated for it motivates me to keep going with my own endeavours. I'm also embracing the fact I get chronically depressed and that it's nothing to write home about: it's just a part of who I am, nothing more.

And, I'm embracing my personal career as a writer. I changed my artist tag on Deviantart from 'literature hobbyist' to just 'literature'. I'm not a hobbyist anymore. This has become a real career choice, even though I know I'll have to have an outside career as well. I've tried previously to get out of the retail business, and our financial situation prevented that. Now, I'm going to get this opportunity again. I've grown yet further as a person. I have a much clearer view of my strong points and weaknesses. To succeed, I have to be passionnate about everything I do - and this means I need to surround myself with people who are passionnate about their own lives and endeavours. I can't afford less, not considering my own weakness towards feeling depressed. I have to give myself credit for taking myself seriously. For wanting to be someone better. To defeat my greatest flaw: fear of vulnerability. To do so, I have to trust the people I allow close to me to not try and wound/control me, even be it unintentional. At the heart, I'm a little wounded ball of fluff with a heart of fire that has claws and will gouge out your eyes. << XD

ONWARDS TO ART!

Theme 04: Devon - Week 3

Yes, I'm a little late again << sorry 'bout that. I was going to post a 'post delayed' post yesterday, but then I didn't. And Sunday was father-in-law's birthday, yesterday workday... Next week will likely see some delay too, as I'm working Saturday through Tuesday e.e but I'll see about finding something interesting to post anyway. With week 3, I do need to take some time to think XD

And so, week 3 is the traditional origin story post :D

Devon: Origin Story

Alas, I'm going to disappoint with this one: I don't remember why I created Devon. I think he was a random character I created in the wake of figuring out another's background story. Plus, Vampire. Always fun. XD but, no, I don't remember exactly why I created him. However, I do know why I'm including him in TAoS, so perhaps I can talk about that instead.

A couple of years ago I'd started a different blog on my site. In it, it was a character who talked, and wrote about her impressions of the bit of world she lives in. I quickly discovered the unforgiving limitations of this format, and abandoned it; but not before I'd created a set of events that will shape an entire part of TAoS, and has ramifications in a couple of countries. I created a character, Erjin the librarian, and a set of events that put her in danger (because I love my characters << XD), and I needed a strong character who'd have reason to help and to be in that city at that time. You've guessed it: it was Devon. And this choice, considering his ties with the race from which protagonist Aneskia hails, has set things in motion I could have never predicted - and I love it!

Devon is a wandering character with deep-rooted wounds that, I believe, will never heal. But he has knowledge, comprehension of the world, and ties to characters and places that make him invaluable as a source of information. He knows about the world threat; he knows about the Syrilae; he reads a lot whenever he gets the chance, mostly about history, and may uncover some hidden ramifications; he's strong-willed, kind but also stubborn (which will lead to an argument with Aneskia); he's a pivotal point in the story that I can't do without, and somehow this all came to be thanks to a blog I abandoned. Granted, I may have stumbled upon this idea somewhere down the line, but not in so strong a fashion.

And all that for a character once created randomly XD. Devon is one of those characters I basically never used in Rp sessions and faded into the background of my mind. But I liked him a lot: certain parts of his personality, of his life, made him into a character with strong emotions that I understood. I don't agree with him all the time, but I can see where he comes from most of the time. I really want him to have a 'real life' - and, perhaps, deal with some of his issues, though I doubt this will ever happen. We're alike in this respect: he doesn't like to be made to feel vulnerable. As smart as he is, he can be stubbornly irrational if only to avoid having to accept his way of life is wrong. And you don't want to piss off a Vampire, they're scary << XD

And this is the semi-origin story of Devon. Who I really need to draw. XD

Theme 04: Devon - Week 2

So tired =.= own fault for going to bed past midnight. But, but, First Wives Club D: and tonight there's a chat event at Project Comment on DA. =.=

So, trying to get back to the writing bit. Slowly. It's hard. But. Life goes on. :)

So, week 2 of Devon! Week 2 meaning a chapter :D and today I thought I'd bring you the first chapter of a Life Story in which Devon plays an important part. Enjoy :)

(Also: dear god this writing NEEDS editing. e.e oi)

Theme 04: Devon - Week 1

Phew. What a week. What a week indeed. So much seems to have changed, for the absolute better (*knocks on wood*), after what has felt like a long and dark tunnel of a year.

First and foremost: bf has a job. A good job. One he's looking forward to going to, contributing to, and being the best him he can be at. Now's the time for pulling all the stops and going for the dream! <3

Secondly: I've made the difficult decision to quit my job. I'll be telling my manager on Tuesday that I don't plan on staying for the long run. I've got a double feeling about this: on the one hand, things have happened/are happening that thoroughly disgust me. I am seeing the decline. I don't want to go through it again. And the situation makes it all the easier to decide to call it quits, now that bf's secured a long-term job.

On the other hand, I feel heartbroken to leave some of my colleagues behind. I've been through a similar situation two jobs ago, where I left my supersweet colleague in the clutches of an evil manager (and this is not an exaggeration). Here, I feel like I'm abandoning two people whom I've grown to care about in a dead-end situation. I'm the supportive kind of person, towards everyone (except people who crush others). With one other loyal colleague kicked out, with me deciding to abandon ship, who will remain to turn to? I do feel guilty for wanting to leave. I don't like to feel like I'm abandoning people to bad situations. But, this isn't enough to change my mind, as I feel I've done everything I was supposed to. I don't appreciate where everything's heading. I'm sorry, but I'm not a number.

And in the line of changing working situations, I've done a couple more things: stepping stones towards my true purposes in life.

For one, I've been promoted at ProjectComment on Deviantart to Official Commenter. What does this mean? For now, I'm not concretely sure XD however, what it means on a personal level is that I was recognized by the founder, after many exchanges of ideas that had resulted from a complaint at the base, that I'm the kind of person they're looking for: someone who cares about others, who wants to be helpful, and who is dedicated (at least, that's what I've gathered XD). I feel extremely honoured to have been given this opportunity to work with like-minded people; on a very personal level, the child I once was who was afraid of people and never felt like she belonged anywhere, feels accepted at last. Though that sounds very insulting towards my closest friends who have accepted me as well XD (and are loved, btw, should they read this <3 ). The difference here is that I'm accepted within a group - a group of like-minded people who strive to better the part of the world they've taken for themselves (as in, constructive feedback for artists who may otherwise never get any -like me!). I've felt very happy being part of the project, much as I've been late at times with my own comments... and being given the chance to be a part of the group had boosted my self-confidence. Reminding me that the person I am is, to the contrary of what it seems all potential employers save my current one have thought, a worthwhile addition. Yeah, I'm feeling really good about this <<

And two, I contributed to the DigitalPainting.school project. I need to learn how to draw digitally. This is the next stepping stone towards writing my story, as I'm in desperate need of visual aids, and I'm the only one in my brain. I do believe I'm capable of learning. And, this will be a platform of exchanges where all levels of artist are welcome. I'm thoroughly looking forward to it - and, considering the 446% financed project, many others are as well.

Taking everything into account, I come to the conclusion I need to find a service-oriented job. This is my personality: I like to help and to be helpful; I need the opportunity to think; I'm loyal when treated with respect; and, I'm not afraid to say this, I'm pretty mature for someone who enjoys laughter and joking around. I'm not going to lock myself in the box of how-things-are-done, but instead I'm going to  play with my talents and see where this gets me. I've got a clear idea of what I want my next resumé to look like (and bf gave me the excellent idea of using Mindmaple to structure my thoughts <3 ). My personality is going to show through, for better or worse... because the only reason to work any other way is out of fear to be rejected. However, I strongly believe the right people will appreciate my unique take on things.

As I've said at the beginning of the year: I will not worry. I will not fear. And so, the only reason I'd have to stay at my current job is out of fear not to find another one... and we can't have that.

This all said, I don't think you came here to hear me ramble about life XD at least, not my life. So, without further ado, I give you April's theme.......

Devon

One pic. I have one pic of him. ;______;

Who is Devon?

A question with multiple answers, as Devon is many things to that many people: to some he will be the saviour in a time of need, to others an unwanted thorn to the side; and to yet others, the last thing they will ever see.

To the innocent and the people in need, he will appear as a kind man, a ragged traveler in need of new clothes and food. He will try his best to help as long as it is in his power to do so; reaching out a friendly hand, though never will he allow people to get too close to his heart. Devon has known loss; loss too painful, loss that changed his personality forgood. Though he appreciates helping others, giving them the time of day and even surprising insights for those who'd think him but a common wanderer, Devon hates for people to try and get too close to him. The reason for this is Selessannea: the daughter to a former Ansai of the Syrilae, and both women died in his arms.

But Selessannea he loved, passionately, desperately; unrequitedly. Devon would never forgive the man who'd cause her death, and never forgive himself for not being able to save her. This was about 500 years ago. As you may now guess, Devon is indeed not a common wanderer.

To the evil people in the world, Devon is a merciless killer - a Vampire. He met the Ansai Sorasiehn in the prime of his Vampirism, newly born to a mindless hunger, and it is by a strange twist of fate that she, as a defender of justice, did not strike him down. Thus began a lasting friendship and partnership, as together they'd strive to bring justice to a world corrupted by greed and malevolence. Sorasiehn one day died in his arms, struck down by poison. Devon took up her arms and returned to her home, the village amid the trees, where he'd bring Soraiehn's daughter Nefahtil the news of Soraiehn's demise... to discover Nefahtil gone. He stayed in the village nonetheless, present the day Nefahtil'd return with a child growing within her.

And Selessannea was a beautiful girl. A precious girl, with not a bad bone in her body. Devon was there to raise her, and as she grew so evolved his feelings for her. Her innocence, the beauty of her heart, of her mind, turned Devon's fatherly care into genuine love - a love Selessannea would not return, as she could not see him as anything other than a father figure. This was painful enough to hear; but no less painful would be the fact she'd fall for a man who would one day cause her death.

And, ultimately, the destruction of the Syrilae.

Devon and the novel

As you may be able to tell, that was a really shortened version of the long-winded tale that is Devon's life. I highlighted the important (and dear god creepy) facts. Hey, he's the one who forged his life <<

But these facts are also the reason he will be an important part in the novel, as the discloser of information, and even the rouser of strife. Devon is a kind man indeed, but he can be quite rude and stubborn in his beliefs; this having everything to do with Selessannea, with the man she chose as her lover, with the way she died. It broke something inside of him that can never be mended; certain point of views are harsh and unyielding, and they will create issues within what group will have formed by then. It will even be a point of dispute between him and Aneskia. I'm actually looking forward to seeing Aneskia evolve from a frightened child to a girl who will stand up for what she believes to be right, even if it is to happen against everyone's better judgment. Especially Devon's.

But I will also need him as a strong man. Vampires, in my world, are creatures that are on the whole very strong. There's no undead/sunlight/garlic/holy water issue here. Vampires look like regular people, are regular people, except they possess certain powers that they obtain during the transformation. In Devon's case, this is strength and a pretty good nocturnal sight. Vampires can survive on regular food, but they do need to drink blood to replenish their body's resources and ensure longevity (how long they do live I don't know, but it's a damn long time... like the Energizer bunny << ). There's a lot to be said for Vampirism, but these are the important parts.

And he'll be important for another reason entirely: he is a link between many people. With certain information unearthed, he will be the one to say 'kill', to be met by but one single 'no'.

Anything else?

Like always, feel free to ask ;)