30/06 - ._________.

Today's bad: slept like 4 hours. Worked. So damn tired. .__________.

Today's good: some hairing.

Note to Future Self: decaf is still caf.

29/06 - And then?

Today's bad: still upset about Saturday. I've spent most of the weekend replaying the scene in my mind, and one thing's for certain: I'm fed up. Fed up to the point I could become agressive as well, which I hope it won't be coming to. This was supposed to be a peaceful weekend, and much as I've enjoyed it, I'mve been upset at being upset. Gods, I'm so fed up.

Today's good: reached level 70 with my Crusader in Diablo 3, which makes 70 for all six classes << yes, small achievements. XD

Also, trying to write. It's difficult considering I'm still upset, but I'm trying nonetheless. Doesn't help it's again a re-write I have to do e.e and that I have to check through 20+ chapters for the information(s) I need to write this bit. ugh. o.-

Note to Future Self: whatever comes, you did the right thing.

28/06 - Bits of peace and quiet

Today's bad: I expect none.

Today's good: I expect plenty.

Note to Future Self: All is expected, none is required.

Late 27/06 - Stress and Sex

(yeah, ain't that a nice title?)

The day's bad: got basically verbally assaulted by one coworker for not doing my work right. At the time, I was already not pleased about the tone, especially since I went to the store to do groceries shopping with bf. However, as I thought more about the situation of the day before, I came to realize this attack was more than unwarranted - and, I suspect, someone else's. There's been a lot of negativity going around from one specific coworker, and I'm oh more than fed up with it. I'm making the decision for myself to not partake. With the summer vacation before us, now is certainly not the time to try and divide and conquer, but to team up and support each other. It was a very upsetting moment that lasted for a good deal of the morning, up until...

The day's good: one bottle of genever jin and five hours of sex later, all was well in the world. Like, really well. XD Here's to never forgetting.

Note to Future Self: 'Negative thinking will never make your life positive'.

26/06 - Almost weekend :D

Today's bad: I already finished Taled from the Borderlands' Episode 3. ... D:

Today's good: well, on top of late shift (which meant sleeping in for me ^^), I have a three-day weekend coming up, which is going to be all sorts of awesome because REST. So much rest. And writing, I hope. Maybe drawing. Cleaning up the house. Y'know. Being busy and prolific with the good XD

Today's good is that there's no delivery at work, which means catching up on the detail work. I hope. The busy season has begun.

Note to Future Self: le writing, le need e.e

25/06 - No idea for a title XD

Today's bad: woken at 6 by someone's alarm e.e managed to fall back asleep a bit, luckilly. Considering I'm working the late shift, getting up at 6 isn't really a good idea.

Today's good: Totally not hung over from yesterday, which is a good thing XD good food, good drinks, good gaming (Mario Party 9 :D), and already plans to see each other again. The nice thing about my friends, is that not only are they great friends, but bf gets along with them superbly. And made clear he enjoys their company, which was surprising to hear say, but not so surprising to hear, period. So, fun all around ^^

Note to Future Self: more of this, yes.

24/06 - Fun incoming!

Today's bad: woke up at 6, don't really know why. Went back to sleep til 9. Pretty happy I don't have an early shift until, if I recall right, Tuesday. Should give me time to reclaim some energy and, knowing I'll be back on my normal schedule, the fatigue should diminish over time.

Also, I discovered that the term 'omorashi' is a Japanese term that means TOTALLY SOMETHING ELSE than my 'oromashi' (which is a contraction I made of other Jap' words). I suppose I should change it to avoid confusion, but... It's already so ingrained in my mind, in my world's culture, that I say, to hell with it! Not like I plan to get read in Japan XD

Today's good: well the day's only started but I won't have much time today: need to clean up the house, do some writing (because of course), prepare for the coming of a couple of good friends for a wok and a party game that we've yet to pick XD but it'll be great. We're not very social creatures (especially not me), but this is gonna do loads of good.

For now, writing it is: I'm on page 92/112 of Isaru's story (which is as of yet far from complete), Chapter 23 (which is an ironic chapter, but no more about that ;) ), and I'm like... dreading getting done with the re-writes, as it's been forever since I wrote truly fresh material. I know where to go from the last page, as it will be a complete PoV change, but as far as Isaru's own story goes... I'm stumped. Mostly because it's a complete change of scenery, and after taking countless hours to figure out enough of her home continent to write it convincingly, I'm gonna have to figure a continent that's way more intricate, as it's composed of numerous races and places and cultures as opposed to Rao, which has a total of three races (basically).

But, it's also the continent where the 'official' novel will take place. I guess there'll be a lot of PoV switches as well there, as I'm really looking forward to work out timelines and events and races and creatures and dear god it'll be oh so much fun. For now, a glimpse into my chaptering:

And now, we return to Rao. :)

Note to Future Self: less coffee less sugar, and all will be well.

23/06 - The joys of writing

Today's bad: looked up 'ancient asian torture' for writing ideas, and what might be done to deserters. Wish I hadn't. Dear gods do I wish I hadn't. Why didn't I just look up 'ancient asian deserter punishment'? Man. *shudder*

Today's good: <3 language:

I've been having fun making such titles that are a mix of two words, and that mention clearly what the chapter (or, interlude, as it is here) are about. And this is why I love the English language so much <3

Also, been working on another drawing, just because. The doll function in Manga Studio 5 is fun to toy with and, sometimes, I just really need to draw. Now I can indulge easily, and well, and not feel like I'm wasting hours trying to get my lines to look right. Boy am I glad I bought a decent Wacom tablet on sale several years ago! Knew it'd come in very handy one day.

For the record, it's an Intuos3. Does all it needs to.

There's obviously a few flaws in the sketch, and I'm not really sure about her midriff's turn, but I don't care XD I have fun. And I get to give life to my characters. I'm like, WTFHOLYSHITYESTHISISGREAT. Y'know. And it's motivating me to improve, which is perhaps the best achievement of all. Now, all I need is to learn to colour... XD;

Note to Future Self: enough bragging, time to shine.

22/06 - And now, to relax

Today's bad: bit of frustration, bit of tired.

Today's good: bit of writing, bit of drawing.

Note to Future Self: little bits make a large whole.

21/06 - Flea market

Today's bad: just tiredness, as always apparently XD

Today's good: went to the flea market in town X3 and this is what € 1 bought me:

Couldn't believe the price when I heard it, so of course I had to grab 'em! Really dig the style, and they're candle holders ^^

Note to Future Self: nopes.

20/06 - Phew

Today's bad: shoulder's a bit stiff.

Today's good: met our new colleague ^^ working hours will drop back to normal! Yay ^^

Note to Future Self: keep the healthy going.

19/06 - And so

Today's bad: early shifts are still as tiring, despite sleeping well XD that and yesterday was a very tough day. Also, I realize as I type, I need to trim my nails.

Today's good: I think it still has to happen. Word's open. XD

As a sidenote, yesterday went quite well. A team of five people from other stores and our district manager came to help spruce the store up and change some things, and the one thing he asked me to do I apparently did to his liking, so there we go. ^______^ good thing I'm no longer a stresser.

Note to Future Self: today is victorious.

18/06 - Let there be light

Today's bad and good: yes, it's one of those days.

This morning, I thought I was losing my mind - that was about ten minutes ago. As every morning I check the Senseo; notice there's no pad, put the right one in, turn the machine on and go check on the cats. When I return, my cup's empty; I realize I didn't close the machine right, which is highly odd since I remember closing it.
There were two pads in. Hence why it couldn't close.
And this follows a series of days where I swear I've seen things moving in my peripheral vision. So either I'm going literaly crazy (which wouldn't be such a surprise, I guess), or the exhaustion is getting my brain fried - which wouldn't be such a surprise either. There's so much to remember, to do, there's the shift-switches, summer madness, and then I'm deemed too slow. Well, excuse me for not functioning correctly anymore. It's just as annoying for me; been sick with a cold twice in two weeks, on top of allergies, and all the rest.
I need to complain too, at some point o.O

I'm not going to panic just yet, pà)^))))))))))))))))))))255555555555553////////////////////2a (said Rasta who suddenly joined me <3), but the fact I know I saw no pad in the machine to discover there was one after all is alarming. At least yesterday's chest cramps are gone, that's a plus. But, I can't say that I'm not worried. Seeing/not seeing things is not the kind of crazy I want to start experiencing on a regular basis; especially since I'm pretty certain my job's irregular hours and increased required speed are doing it. Perhaps also the lack of fresh air, or sunlight?

Oh well. To finish on a lighter note: Manga Studio 5 is AWESOME.

As is the time it took me to draw her: about an hour and a half or so? I love this program ;______;

17/06 - Always be sure

Today's bad: got woken at nearly 8 by bf saying my manager had apparently called. Turns out that, instead of the late shift as planned, I was expected to work the early shift - 'as agreed'. Considering we hadn't agreed anything, I was pretty pissed. I did know he'd made a planning mistake and had to ask another colleague-assistant to work today, but never had we agreed that I'd be the one to change shifts, nor did this possibility even get mentioned once. So I arrived at 8.30 and, thankfully, he realized as well he should have called me the night before (hence why he has my landline number!) instead of just sending a text, which I didn't see until this morning. He wasn't sure I'd seen it - well, obviously not. That's why I gave another number to call me on at times I know I'll hear it (or bf will).

End result: I'm tired, I have chest cramps, my body feels as though it's coming apart at the seams, and I still have three days to go - on top of this, tomorrow the highest hierarchy is passing through. Not that I'm stressing. Quite the contrary, really: I'm doing what I can already. If I'm deemed unfit to work there, then I'm deemed unfit. As I would tell anyone who'd care to know: when you've had to face the possibility of your own death, accepted it, and survive, you can't fear much anymore; except for the passing of time, and the impossibility to achieve my own personal goals. How am I to fear much of anything, when I've stopped fearing death? Thus, I'm pretty chill about tomorrow. Que sera sera, as they say.

Today's good: minimal writing, as I'm exhausted, sick, and have more and more difficulty thinking. My back's hurting alot, too. Which I guess isn't good XD

Note to Future Self: que sera sera.

PS: Manga Studio 5 is SO MUCH FUN.

Those doll-functions are very helpful for someone like me who can draw, but fails completely at anatomy. Oh, joy. ;.;

16/06 - Artsy

Today's bad: still sick. It's just a cold, but it's annoying -.-

Today's good: wrote about six pages, got my copy of Manga Studio 5 (along with coffee and water << :D ), and I'm looking forward to a calmer week next week as I'll be working a bit less for a change. I have to say, I don't want to go to work tomorrow: it's been too much. On top of this cold, and having extreme difficulty sleeping when I have the early shift, I'm really feeling drained and in need of a vacation. So, next week is sorta that XD and, with any luck, the person who had a test day today will be deemed adequate and hired, so the pressure on all of our shoulders will diminish.

One can hope! :D

Note to Future Self: if it don't flow, it don't flow.

15/06 - The future

Today's bad: started to feel sick at some point. Turned out not to be the day for that XD had a good talk with the manager, as I've gotten my new contract, and basically I need to work faster, which is a comment I can understand. Especially today XD I can but do what I can, and I do fear not being fast enough anyway. I know where my limits are, and it just may be that those limitations will be a problem. If such is the case, I'll accept it, as there is simply no way I'll break my health over a job; but, for now, I choose to remain zen, and keep doing what I can.

Today's good: well I don't know yet, the day's still full of possibilities. Something creative, at some point :)

Note to Future Self: every end is a new beginning, every continuation the foundation of something else.

14/06 - Hoot o.o

The day's bad: slept like 2 or 3 hours, then worked. Evidently why there was no blog in time.

The day's good: we've got concrete plans now to hook up with a couple friends. Also, went to the parents for Father's Day, ate like emperors. :D

Note to Future Self: sleep problems: meditation?

13/06 - A day

Today's bad: coworker bit my nose twice, once when I'd basically just started my shift. I think the manager took notice, as I was busy speaking with a customer who'd had an issue last night, and who was appreciating the fact I remembered it. I did go and ask her to please not start the day like that. Didn't stop her from snapping at me again later. I do like to work with her, but, next time she snaps, I won't be responding anymore. I am not going to play the negativity game.

Today's good: it was a good day all in all, even got to advise a customer a med for migraine. Looking forward to working with the manager tomorrow, as I haven't got the chance yet to ask how his vacation to Disneyland went :)

Oh, and I made plans with good friends to see each other in a couple weeks. :D

Note to Future Self: always be who you are.

12/06 - Back to the grind

Today's bad: having to work. XD but well, as I've decided to de-invest myself a little (while still doing the job correctly of course), things should go smoother, and I should have more time for myself. I adapt to whom I work with.

Today's good: I wrote. :D

Also, I must update, one of my best friends came to the store today. That made me so happy :D

Note to Future Self: only one investment will remain for our entire life.

11/06 - Perfection

Today's bad: kinda woke up tired.

Today's good: where do I even start? We'd planned a little trip to Bruges, to which I got to drive (and did so well :) ), it was warm and nice and pretty calm globally. Good walk, almost found bf a gorgeous shirt which, alas, they no longer had in his size. Then we went on our way to go and watch Jurassic World at the Kinepolis (because dinos in freaking 3D!), we were 8 people total. And now we're preparing apetizers we'll be eating with some cava to end a perfect day even perfecterly. Or something correct spelling-wise. XD

It's the kind of day I think we both really needed. Perfect in every way. Even more so because it was together. :)

Note to Future Self: this is what you live for.

10/06 - Ahh, good day

Today's bad: not enough hours in the day o.O

Today's good: some Diablo was played, some writing was done, a tick was removed from poor kitty cat ('t was right above his eye, poor thing), tomorrow is Bruges time and I finally ordered Manga Studio 5 :)

Note to Future Self: really no idea.

09/06 - Ugh

Today's bad: don't want to write this.

Today's good: did it anyway.

Note to Future Self: think writing thoughts.

08/06 - New buddy :D

Today's bad: got grouchy complaints about my work not being done. I know I did all I could. I'm fed up with people complaining about others' work, as it makes me complain too, and I don't want to be that person. Next time someone grouches, I'm not gonna bother listening.

Today's good: aside from a little shopping trip with my dad, I got to meet bf's new (and basically only) friend he made at his computer lessons. He's fun and expressive like me - and a gamergeek (you know you're great when you recognize Alduin). So, yeah. Fun ^^

Note to Future Self: seal of approval.

Late 07/06 - Uhh

The day's bad: woke up depressed, didn't help that bf burned the croissants and I'd really wanted some. Spent an hour in the couch, moping.

The day's good: after the moping came the thinking about the writing and the moving on. Can't really explain how that worked out: it just did.

Note to Future Self: it's cyclical; there's no point fighting it. Not fighting makes it go away on its own.

06/06 - Ugh

Today's bad: woke up sick. Seems my body decided it was time for it to crap out. At least I'm nor working until Monday.

Today's good: went to the opening of the local rescue shelter's new abode. It looks amazing!

Note to Future Self: remember it's only stress, not certainty.

05/06 update - Fuck you, crapweek

Op je gezondheid.

We're moving on now.

05/06 - I don't have a title

Today's bad: well perhaps a bit more sleep would've been welcome, as my throat hurts and I'm heavy-headed, but I wanted some extra time to play some Diablo.

I'm fed up with this 5-day schedule. My body and mind think we're staying home today, but nope! And I'm so tired and shit that I'm crying; I'm just fed up. When I got hired, I'd said 4 days-weeks were for me very important. I understand it can't be helped, what with being one person short, and others needing their vacation. I won't have any vacation until next year. And I'd been scheduled to work 8 days in a row, to which I said no; wrote the manager to say, as he had told me to say would the moment come, that it was too much. He managed to fix it, probably at the cost of one colleague's vacation... but I don't feel bad considering she'll have had over a week's worth. And that there's no way I can handle 8 days in a row, especially with no vacation at the horizon, or any betterment in sight. I'm starting to consider looking for another job. Were it not for how much I like all of my colleagues, and that finding work is so damn hard, I probably would. I've had enough. And that 8-day fiasco brought back very nasty memories of another job, which is a comparison I don't want in my head.

By the way, another colleague of mine is working 9 days straight. She doesn't seem to mind. I don't know whether she really doesn't, or whether it's just a front. Everybody's getting exhausted.

Today's good: that I'll be playing Diablo right about now. And that it's the last workday of the week, at fucking last. I have half a mind to cancel tomorrow's plans, as I need to be anti-social. I'm just fed up. I want to stay home and deal with as few people as necessary. I'm really fed up.

Note to Future Self: hang in there. Last day!

Late 04/06 - Tired and beyond

The day's bad: getting up for the early shift was excruciating. There'd been an extra stress factor added, which made sleeping all the harder. At some point during work, I started zoning out from being so tired. Thankfully the shift was nearly done by then.

The day's good: aside from buying stuff cheap and hoarding, feeling like total crap and having nothing prepared to eat in the evening, I decided I wanted to go to the restaurant. With how I'm working lately, we can afford such a little extra, and for me it was just a necessity to get away from everything and go enjoy - and bf was more than happy to indulge :) so we had Chinese at our fav restaurant, got drunk (especially me, what with being exhausted), and had an excellent evening all in all (and sake. Such a miracle drink for heavy stomachs!).

Aside from enjoying our evening, just the fact we can allow ourselves to do something like this makes me happy. And I need all the happy I can get.

Note to Future Self: hang in there. 1 more day.

03/06 - Ahh, signs.

Today's bad: woke up sick and exhausted. Barely made it out of bed. Don't want to work.

Today's good: I was likely not going to have any until I went on Facebook and saw a post by a friend which I'd wanted to share, but apparently he doesn't allow it. Since it's so odd to see that at this moment, I'll be posting it here, as I think anyone can benefit from the message:

People. We're the best... and we're the worst.

Sometimes we're at our best and totally rock this world... and other times we totally suck and tear the place apart.

It's life.

We're all people sharing this planet. Some you love... some you hate. Some try... and some don't.

It's life.

One of the things I've learned in this life... is to always try your best and to do good. It doesn't always work out. Sometimes it's even downright frustrating at times.

It's life.

That doesn't mean that life will forever be hopeless. It just means that we need to learn, try even harder and do more good.

Will it make a difference? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

One thing I do know... no matter how hard, troublesome, stressful, down, impossible life seems to get... NEVER GIVE UP!

There can always be hope with the next step. Lift your fears, raise your will and try to take that next step.

If you fall... do it again.

Why?

Because.

Because even if you feel you never live life the way you WANT to... that doesn't mean that you still can't TRY. Never think that it's not worthwhile or that it is obsolete. LIFE ON THIS EARTH IS A JOURNEY AND IT IS PRECIOUS.

Enjoy your journey... even if it means enjoying the small and simple things. Those can still add up to something special in ways you never imagined. Just never stop shooting for the stars.

You never will know what actions you make in your journey that could affect you, your family, friends... or the generations of our future!

Could be something little or could be something big. Could be something that touches one person or something that touches billions. Could be something that betters our world or betters the universe.

You are a person. You have worth. Even if you don't know what it is. It might take your lifetime to discover it or you might not ever know.

It doesn't matter. Just try.

Why?

It's life!

Go make it a good life. Make it the best life you can. Share it with others the best you can. Just try and the rest is history.

Now go out there and live life.

By Derek Henderson

Note to Future Self: what he said.

02/06 - Cruel summer

Today's bad: it's windy and god do I not want to take out the scooter e.e or work. I'm tired and a bit sick. I get to dreaming about a cushy office job ~.~ (which would probably bore me to tears anyway. XD)

Today's good: well I have my coffee and my Diablo (fabulous day opener), and tonight I hope to finish episode 3 of Life is Strange (and then whine that episode 4 is still in the making x.x). Counting down the days til weekend. I'm less distraught by the sudden disappearance of that suicidal DA person I follow than yesterday, thankfully. And, I'm looking forward to working with my colleague today (incidentally, I seem to be the only one able (willing/content?) to work with her). Knowing alot more about her life now, I understand why she is how she is. ... I just plan on getting home on time tonight. XD

Note to Future Self: 4 more days til weekend!

01/06 - Summertime?

Today's bad: someone tried to cut the bread I forgot to put in the machine at work with a knife. ... yeah. There's a reason it's today's bad.

Today's good: I don't know, I'm gonna play some Diablo now before work, but hell if I want to go e.e it's going to be an exhausting week. I want to go back to my four-day schedule. :(

Note to Future Self: what is there to say?