Week 07 - Time getting short & other things

Less than a month until Within Temptation's Black X-Mas :x and I want to sew a dress for it (the dresscode being 'dark creatures'), but it doesn't look like time will permit. Especially since I don't know what I'm doing XD

Seriously. This is, like... Chinese to me.

Gonna have to ask for some help with it, hoping I can still scrounge enough time to do it in << work hasn't allowed for much. As again, challenge not completed, AND I'm posting a day late. I've been extremely tired and dizzy every morning to the point of mentally breaking.

Then I looked up symptoms, and figured out what I, basically, had already figured out.

I've been drinking a lot of coffee lately: not so much for need to, but for need to - you know, like junkies do. Completely addicted to the stuff and, as my job's pretty physical, it gets tiring, and coffee always seems like the solution... until you get so depressed you don't want to get up in the morning, can't see or think straight, and are basically tearing apart at the seams. Sadly, I'm not even close to joking.
The dizziness was already a pretty useful clue. According to my Googling, it could be due to low blood pressure - which, considering other symptoms like excessive fatigue and a physical job, felt like the ideal suspect. Then I looked up triggers for low blood pressure and, lo and behold, there it was: caffeine overdose. Now, I'm not one to blindly follow the advice of the internets, but here it all makes the kind of sense that's like: hey, so that is possible! And here we are, a few days later and several coffee lesser, and the symptoms are all but gone. I did have a morning coffee because I was feeling a bit nauseated and hot milk didn't sound appetizing, but the difference between today and a few days ago is huge. Which leads me to another topic I've been pondering: the physiological aspect of depression.

Let's take a moment to wrap our minds about the fact coffee was making me feel very, very depressed. Considering it had a clear impact on my blood pressure, which in turn lead to some brain-wiring short-circuiting, I have been wondering a lot about the genetic/inescapable quality of what I shall call chronic depression (be it said: what I call 'depression' I do so knowing it is what it is, and it has nowhere near the impact of what deep, rooted clinical depression does to you (since I also do know what that is << )).
Here's the thing: my first encounter with depression, and immediately also my worst, was 20 years ago due to being bullied. Ok, blame the bullies. Skip to now: all I have to blame is... coffee. Nothing more, nothing less. It's of course nowhere near as bad as what I've known, but it's still deserving of its denomination, as it saps all joy for life and desire to go forward.

Here's the bigger picture: let's consider that depression can be caused by a physical fact (caffeine overdose) as much as an emotional fact (being heavily bullied); now, what if they're not the cause at all, but merely a trigger. What if the inclination towards depression was there all along, be it genetic or just a circuit that wasn't wired properly at birth, or even just some incident that caused a physical imbalance; what if (and this might sound actually depressing XD) depression was basically coded into certain individuals' DNA and is basically not technically caused by outside factors, but simply by one's own encoded reactions to certain triggers? Kind of like how kids born in alcoholic households have far more risks to become addicted themselves. This hypothesis does mean that you're doomed to suffer because it's just the way you're drawn made; Personally, I like this hypothesis because it takes away the guilt of feeling depressed. It even takes away lingering anger towards people in the past, because it places events in a new perspective: yes, it's their fault for bullying me, but no, it's not their fault I got depressed (noting here: bullying is never okay; it's not because I can give it a spot in my life, that kids should endure it; I'm 35 and have had lots of hindsight, but teens can't deal with depression on their own; bullying, and ensuing depression, kills).

Then perhaps, it's all just speculation. I like to speculate << as a writer, I basically don't have a choice XD. It's just interesting to think about. It also lessens the stress of feeling depressed - instead of it being a bad bad thing, it's just another fact of life. One that can be taken advantage of, when you like to write sad stuff << XD seriously though, I'm feeling even more at ease with it now. Kind of like discovering yet another aspect of your self, and accepting it's there. Just wish it could help anyone beside myself :/

Anyway, it's time for some fun stuff now :D

Writing: Yeah, no. Still not happening. The low blood pressure made it impossible for me to focus on anything. I've basically done nothing at all ;____;

Drawing: I so totally wish, but nope. Best I've done is some logical drawing puzzles:

I guess it's better than nothing.

Other: again, herein we shine :D

Challenge: the dress! Work on it! Do anything, even if it's just figuring out how the hell this all works! Time is of the essence here XO