Today's bad: shoulder hurts, lower back hurts, and the cat's been barking too much to my liking. God I wish I spoke cat, so I could know what his problem is (note: he wants attention *headbutts the cat*)
Four days of work ahead of me. Then one day off. Then five days. But then, three days off. I'm living now for those three days off. XD
I really do need a break. As it stands, I can't find it in myself to be interested by my writing. That's the problem when you're all alone caring about something: why bother, when you yourself don't see a point in doing so? Plus, I want to draw, but that takes so much time to start up... Yeah, I'm in complaining mode. I feel trapped by my environment. Things pile up, to a point I don't know where to start, don't care to start, and feel like I'm failing (which I am). All the while trying to keep going when I'm mentally drained and can't recharge my batteries because too much work, too much of everything, just want to crawl into a hole and hibernate for a few years.
We're two people who don't care what the other finds truly important, and breaking each other without realizing (actually, I realize it, or I wouldn't be writing this). I couldn't care less about the state of the house - because I know there's no point doing anything about it since it's just not going to stay in the state I'd leave it in (I see that with my mugs... and I stopped trying to put them back in order, like many things around here). It hurts to know I'll be wasting my time... so I no longer waste it. It's apparently pretty bad because I'm about ready to cry here, but let's hold that off until we're done.
You don't appreciate me by saying I did a good job - I am the person who feels appreciated when her work is respected. When you clean house and a day later things are heading back to the state they were in, you don't feel respected. Thus, you stop showing that same kind of respect. And it's been going on for long enough that it's affecting us both. Talking about it doesn't help - at the first smirk, at the first minor sign of a minimizing smile, I stop trying. I always get to stop trying. Important issues remain unresolved. And yet, the world keeps turning, slowly.
Today's good: will be a session of Diablo 3 I'm afraid. I started a Seasons character, and it's been tons of fun starting from scratch. Plus, I want that pet and portrait frame << at least this time it's attainable. Thus, fun. And I still don't know how to continue my writing, but, one of the characters seems willing to have a conversation with me about potential options. So... we'll be doing that sometime. << XD (note: factions it is.)
Note to Future Self: the darkness has come to the roses, the fire is reaching the end...
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