30/09 - A breath, quiet

Today's bad: I'm tired. Slept 11 hours, and though I know I am rested, I remain tired. I wanted to get up early enough to check my writing - well, I checked it, noticed a scenery flaw, and closed it. I'm working too much to disconnect properly. I don't care anymore. And blah de blah. Of course I care, just not right now. And I need to re-adjust to working a half hour earlier (meaning getting home a half hour earlier, too :) ). Just... uuurrrgghhhhh fulltime weeks stoooopppppp. No want no more D:

Today's good: that will be surviving the day. And eating. And likely having some pudding :) and the coffee tasted good, too. And I'm getting things done on DA, commenting, replying to comments... The necessary.

Note to Future Self: keep breathing.

29/09 - Dear god sleep where you at

Today's bad: I am so tired. So, so tired. I just want to sleep. The intent today was to write, but I just can't. So. TIRED.

Today's good: I decided, out of the blue, that today would be rice pudding day. Homemade rice pudding day.

And it is delish.

Note to Future Self: as someone once said: ___________________________________

Late 28/09 - Uhh

... I totally forgot what happened. o.O

27/09 - Fun

Today's bad: I ache all over. Still tired, still not quite recovered, five days of work a-coming. Pffff. o.-

Today's good: spent the afternoon at the movies watching 'Le tout nouveau testament'. Very good movie, interesting themes, all with a poetic flair to it. We were 4 people to watch it, two of which really old people we didn't hear laugh once despite the movie having some very funny moments. Old people *shrug* Xd or they just didn't speak French, which would explain a lot. Anyway: good day, good movie, tv now.

Note to Future Self: none.

26/09 - Perfection

Today's bad: went to bed late, woke up tired. Nothing new.

Today's good: where do I start?

Morning was perfect with bf, took the time to enjoy each other's company and, somehow, we left on time to go to the restaurant with the parents. Food was excellent (I have leftovers for tomorrow :) ), mood was good, weather was good, and afterwards we went to the parents-in-law's for a coffee. Then bf and I went home to change, since there was a shopping evening in town... that turned out to be a total bust save for seeing an old friend at her working place; and, since there was nothing to do, we decided to go the arcade and spend €5 (that became 15 XD) since it'd been years. Result: we got enough points to get a few things, and I got a mermaid keychain from the machines :) on top of the chocolates we got from bf's mom, we got a pretty cool haul!

Chocolate pencils + nudie cards = crazy awewome day XD

We got home at 8 and now we'e watching Iron Man 3. :)

Note to Future Self: 10/10

25/09 - Last workday for the week...

Today's bad: I'm still feeling upset about some stuff of yesterday. Not going to go into detail, let's just say work's being emotionally taxing.

Today's good: Diablo willing, I'm gonna have a morning blast. I feel too brain-tired to do any writing, so that'll wait. At least I fixed the story-issue I had, which makes me tons of happy.

I may start re-writing other stories to clear my brain a bit (not today, though). I really miss my Aneskia, and there's some things I need to improve in her story. I just... really want to start writing the novel itself. Little by little, the world's getting pieced together and I'm starting to get a clearer view of what it 'currently' looks like. And how I'm gonna get my two protagonists together XD but, yeah. The threat's getting more defined, I'm seeing now how certain events could even take place at all (one being THE reason the story begins at all!), and globally a much better idea of how certain things (minerals/animals/andthesuch) came to be (did you know the aur and gernate the people mine is actually very ancient dragon scales/blood that's been in the foundations of the continents since time immemorial? No? What am I talking about? << XD)

Anyway. Before I create new problem zones for my brain to busy itself with. XD

Note to Future Self: referree.

24/09 - Yes, I'm skipping two days

I'm reaching this point where I need to clear up some space in my mind to keep functioning. The blog demands a large portion of RAM I needed to allocate to other priorities. Hence, the folders 22/09 and 23/09 were deleted, empty.

I feel like I need to be home for a few days, but I'm working today and tomorrow. Next week: five days. Week after: five days. Week after: five days. Week after: I dunno yet, but considering things at work I'm expecting five days as well. All will depend on whether our 'sick' colleague shows up with a doctor's note today or not (note: my lungs haven't quite recovered yet from being sick and working). I have a colleague working 7 days coming week, another who's worked over 7/7 for the past two weeks... We're all reaching the end of the rope. I need a vacation like my life depends on it (which, no, it doesn't, but my mental health does). So, after being done with this blog, I'll see about doing some writing to alleviate the building pressure, and hope for 'good' news today.

Damn I'm tired. XD oh, and, I doodled yesterday. Doesn't look like much, but hey: each face looks different. That's pretty good in my opinion (and, no, you won't get to see now).

I wanna go to the movies :X

21/09 - Frustration!

Today's bad: this is me doing some written self-chatting to figure out how to continue my story.

This is also me, frustrated out of my mind at this damned writer's block that's feeling more like a total block by someone in here who doesn't want to get named (seriously, character-block? Not the first time that happened <<). I am 100% unable to figure out what's going on.

Today's good: but damn am I gonna keep trying. YOU CANNOT KEEP THE TRUTH FROM ME, FIGMENT OF MY OBVIOUSLY VERY SENTIENT IMAGINATION.

Note to Future Self: I don't know you. Seriously. ... crazy lady. <<

20/09 - The Age of Dragons

Today's bad: yeah, no, nothing to mention here actually. Except being tired, but that's become the norm XD

Today's good: great day at work. Then, finished Dragon Age Inquisition... aaaaaand splurged a bit: Trespasser is downloading as I type. Seems it's the only DLC worth purchasing. And I wanna see what happens with my Inquisitor and Cullen D:

Note to Future Self: la la la gaming good, la lala.

Late 19/09 - Idiocy

The day's bad: my Russian colleague got a hate message on FB. Despite her being here a while, speaking the language, and being one of the nicest and most trustworthy people I know, she got a hate message. It upsets me greatly.

The day's good: not my own good, but bf got shoes from his parents :) he really needs them for job applications, so that's a major good! Especially since we (as in, I) found them very quickly and the price was right. << XD

Note to Future Self: fuzzzzzzzzz.

18/09 - Cleaning

Today's bad: as we were watching tv, the cat came in, and soon hereafter we started hearing a sound like the fervent rattling of wings. Knowing what that meant we turned towards the cat, to discover he'd brought in a cute little dragonfly! I seized him by the back of his neck and he promptly proceeded to chew on the dragonfly with the clear intention of eating it. In the end we managed to rescue it. Surprisingly, it flew away as though nothing had happened.

I swear, it's like the cat was never neutered. XD

Today's good: living room's clean and pretty again :D

Note to Future Self: one thing at a time.

17/09 - Uneventful

Today's bad: coworker sick still/again/whatever. Meaning we're all screwed for next week. Funny how she knows already she'll still be sick by Monday, which is when she was supposed to return, and (at least) until Friday.

Today's good: just finished watching the Haunting in Connecticut. Forgot how good a movie that is. And now it's time for bed. XD

Note to Future Self: c'est la vie.

16/09 - Peaceful

Today's bad: I'm hoping there won't be any <<

Today's good: might have fixed my connection issues on Diablo. Apparently the culprit was an outdated cache that needed clearing. Game ran better afterwards, with but minor lag (compared to the contsant lagging I was having).

And I got done just in time with my Rift run to get ready for work XD

Note to Future Self: loading, please wait.

Edit: got home to an awesome surprise!

Two sketchbooks by the super talented Orpheelin ^^ we'd agreed bf would order them for my birthday (which isnin two months), but he couldn't wait. <3

15/09 - Moving

Today's bad: still have a bit of headache from yesterday, which is more of a pressure I believe to be stress from sick + lack of sleep. Considering I slept round the clock, I expect the pressure to diminish somewhere along the day.

Today's good: gonna do some Diablo for starters, then I dunno. I dream of continuing my writing. I've been thinking a lot about it and am starting to figure out pain points. I basically have a whole 'internal' war starting as though out of nowhere, but, considering the fact I've got people on that continent with a certain sensitivity to fluctuations of energy, it doesn't make sense they wouldn't see it coming. Or at least sense that there's a change in the air, something going on, and perhaps I could continue with a detached scene that leads this in (note: 'lead in' is a dutchism from 'inleiden', with a translation of 'introduce/prelude'... I love languages XD).

Anyhoo, I'd really like to get to that this afternoon, and redo Jocelyn because I'm already dissatisfied with what I have, and so many more things I wanna do... We'll see how far I get. So you may expect an edit <<

Note to Future Self: blank O________O

Late 14/09 - Kaput

The day's bad: I slept 4 hours while still being sick. Needless to say, writing a post was out of the question. Plus, I wanted to make this day justice, cuz omg what a day XD

The day's good: it was a day of happenings! Some bad, some good, which make for an entertaining day. Morning sucked so I asked bf to drive me because downpour, and called my dad to pick me up after work (and, as it turned out: downpour). Work went pretty smoothly despite my lack of sleep (praised be my numberrific brain e.e), discovered my manager's working non-stop all week which is insane and makes a person feel guilty they're not doing more, but as I remind myself: we all have our limitations, and they're different for all of us. I'm already working beyond mine. Nearly every day I'm thinking I need a two-week break, because this is my body's way of saying I need it. Honestly, were it not for the awesome colleagues, I might already have had to stay home sick because stress is the greatest adversary in these situations, and I have very very little of it thanks to the work environment. Just noticed I'm losing more hair than usual. Could be fatigue. Could be eating habits. Lack of vitamins. As long as it's not another myoma, I'm A-OK. XD

Anyhow, then it was time to go home through the downpour. Dad stayed a while (and listened (who's gonna get that reference << XD)), much kitty luvin', and then he left. And knocked back on the window like five or so minutes later because *dun dun DUNNNN*: his care didn't start. Turns out the battery died because the lights had remained on (cuz, y'know, downpour). So after another hour of waiting for the repairman, he was all good to go, and bf and I got to our bath XD and later ate pizza burgers (which are surprisingly good, but way too expensive compared to a regular pizza), watched Breaking Bad, and went to bed at 9.30.

And so ended an eventful day. XD

Note to Future Self: a day to remember. XD

13/09 - Finally, some progress

Today's bad: still sick, though it's starting to clear up. Alas, I have to get up at 5.30 tomorrow, and I fear this will boost the germs.

Today's good: though I didn't get to writing due to germ-brain, I did get to drawing:

Though the outline is done, I'm definitely going to try and improve it. Something's very wrong with her left arm and I just don't know what. Might be a minor change required... but, well: so far so good. After months of absence, this is not too bad. Doesn't look nowhere near what I really wanted, but I can only work with the level I have XD

Note to Future Self: good girl.

12/09 - Snort 'n Sneeze

Today's bad: still sick. No energy for anything beside PC + Diablo. And even that gets too tiring at times...

Today's good: ... but god is it fun e.e I'm expecting to feel better tomorrow, so I can do something art-related. Today's a bit tough in between sneezes -.-

Note to Future Self: yes, being sick is a good excuse.

11/09 - Fuck this shit

As expected, the colleague I was complaining about yesterday called in sick for... the next 10 days. And we heard from one of her friends that this has basically all been orchestrated, as she needed three more months of work to start leeching off the system. This coming from someone who has complained numerous times about the homeless and 'strange people' and even blaming what disease she has on their germs. I only see one parasite here. Well, I'm actually hoping never to see said parasite again. Liars and hypocrites get no compassion from me, quite the contrary.

The very mean part of me is wishing for her to get sicker than she (possibly) already is - the nicer part of me is saying: I don't give a fuck about that parasite, there's other and better things to spend energy on.

Considering my long weekend has become just a weekend courtesy of, I'm going to spend it locked in another world. I have to have moved on from my writer's block, and I need to have drawn.

That's the challenge for this weekend.

10/09 - Ugh e.e

Today's bad: still sick. I was considering switching shifts with a colleague tomorrow, but she'll just have to work the early one. I need my sleep. Took me 30 mins to get up this morning. No way I'm getting up at 5.30.

Let it be said this is the kind of colleague who, when you tell them you are sick, say 'join the club' and explain why they are basically more sick than you. This wouldn't bother me if this were the kind of colleague who, y'know, helped her comrades and supported them and shit. I just want to say to her: yeah well, twice in my life I was sick enough to feel I was dying, so beat that you *insert ugly cussing*.

Bitchiness courtesy of being literally sick and tired.

Today's good: I'm gonna Diablo the hell out of my morning.

Edit: I got the Seasonal kitty! YES!!!

Today is a good day X3

Note to Future Self: less nice, more neutral.

09/09 - Getting back up

Today's bad: woke up at 2.45 due to my throat, got up and got some syrup and a Ricola, went back to bed, fell asleep before the Ricola was gone :) and then woke up around 7.30 and I'm feeling ehhhh. Not too shabby, not super-great either. Still gotta work today, but it's a nice 12-6 schedule that'll give me some time recuperate this evening.

With my 35th birthday nearly around the corner, I've been thinking, or rather assessing how my life is going. As far as personal projects go, I'm very disappointed. Nearly 35 and still so far away from reaching my goal - which is the novel. Haven't written in weeks due to fatigue and writer's block. Haven't drawn a thing. And what am I going to do when I'm done writing this? Diablo. Because gaming is basically all I can do lately.

Perhaps it's just a bad period of time. After all, I'm the biggest provider right now. Much as I can't wait to get back to my normal schedule, we can really use the money (which, might I say, is something I've learned not to worry about anymore - without going the opposite way of throwing it out the windows). To balance the global fatigue, I allow myself little things now and again, like candy yesterday. It's a morale boost. Likely also why I game so much lately XD but yeah. Almost 35. Negative perception currently, but I also know, and feel, that once I get back to my writing, things will move along faster than expected. I've always been a late bloomer: this will follow the same rule.

Today's good: feeling better is a plus. Likely going to allow myself a yummy pasta lunch. And, now, Diablo.

Note to Future Self: 10 years from now, what will life be like?

08/09

Sick. Sleep was scarce. Throat hurts. Work is imminent.

07/09 - Sick

Today's bad: throat started hurting at work. Feeling sick. Four days to go e.e

Today's good: cosy under the winter blankie watching Breaking Bad. Again. :)

Note to Future Self: sleep good. Want sleep.

06/09 - Well, yeah

Today's bad: body's not ready for work tomorrow e.e ugh

Today's good: I'd say Diablo, but at the same time it kept me from doing other things e.e ugh

Note to Future Self: just a little further.

05/09 - Kiddies

Today's bad: I wish people would just be honest towards one another. If you hate your life: say it; don't make others suffer for it.

As a note: no, it's not directly linked to me. Just observations.

Today's good: this is the one unexpected reason our couch is awesome:

Since having it, Rasta's often been chilling next to us. Not only is there more than enough room for all of us, but he wants to be here, too. It's great.

And he knows he's basically safe from Cheeta when he's with us XD it's really like having kids in the house.

Note to Future Self: standstill.

Late 04/09 - Pass

Seriously. My days are boring.

03/09 - Dreams

Today's bad: all sorts of weird-ass dreams, ranging from being Layton to being told by my manager I couldn't have Facebook without company approval and I was like, wut, I've had it for years... and a car driving off into the water in the Layton dream, like it was totally natural. And I know there was more weirdness, but I forgot the rest. The funniest thing to note was that I was a man in the Layton dream, with the flat chest (and I made a writer's mental note in-dream like: ah, so that's how it feels to be breastless), but no idea if I had more << XD I doubt it. Still... it was all so weird. XD my brain needs to stop with the work-related dreams, seriously. Especially ones that seem real right until I wake up XD

Today's good: having more ideas to draw Jocelyn (who's Jocelyn? So far, a random idea with much black and hot pink), having no ideas on how to write. And feeling like this morn' is another Diablo morning. Because it's the one game that truly destresses me. And I'm moving along nicely in Seasons. Witch Doctor ftw! But tomorrow I really, really need to do something creative, so here's to hoping I'll sleep well and be awake when I get home.

Note to Future Self: I feel it in my bones.

02/09 - Not quite there

Today's bad: shoulder hurts, lower back hurts, and the cat's been barking too much to my liking. God I wish I spoke cat, so I could know what his problem is (note: he wants attention *headbutts the cat*)

Four days of work ahead of me. Then one day off. Then five days. But then, three days off. I'm living now for those three days off. XD

I really do need a break. As it stands, I can't find it in myself to be interested by my writing. That's the problem when you're all alone caring about something: why bother, when you yourself don't see a point in doing so? Plus, I want to draw, but that takes so much time to start up... Yeah, I'm in complaining mode. I feel trapped by my environment. Things pile up, to a point I don't know where to start, don't care to start, and feel like I'm failing (which I am). All the while trying to keep going when I'm mentally drained and can't recharge my batteries because too much work, too much of everything, just want to crawl into a hole and hibernate for a few years.

We're two people who don't care what the other finds truly important, and breaking each other without realizing (actually, I realize it, or I wouldn't be writing this). I couldn't care less about the state of the house - because I know there's no point doing anything about it since it's just not going to stay in the state I'd leave it in (I see that with my mugs... and I stopped trying to put them back in order, like many things around here). It hurts to know I'll be wasting my time... so I no longer waste it. It's apparently pretty bad because I'm about ready to cry here, but let's hold that off until we're done.

You don't appreciate me by saying I did a good job - I am the person who feels appreciated when her work is respected. When you clean house and a day later things are heading back to the state they were in, you don't feel respected. Thus, you stop showing that same kind of respect. And it's been going on for long enough that it's affecting us both. Talking about it doesn't help - at the first smirk, at the first minor sign of a minimizing smile, I stop trying. I always get to stop trying. Important issues remain unresolved. And yet, the world keeps turning, slowly.

Today's good: will be a session of Diablo 3 I'm afraid. I started a Seasons character, and it's been tons of fun starting from scratch. Plus, I want that pet and portrait frame << at least this time it's attainable. Thus, fun. And I still don't know how to continue my writing, but, one of the characters seems willing to have a conversation with me about potential options. So... we'll be doing that sometime. << XD (note: factions it is.)

Note to Future Self: the darkness has come to the roses, the fire is reaching the end...

01/09 - 'Tis no longer the season

Today's bad: as mentioned before, I'm feeling tired of writing this. I'm also feeling tired of work, what with having several full-time weeks ahead of me still. Only silver lining is a three-day weekend coming up next week HOLY SHIT YES. I really need that. Would have preferred it fall in the week though XD

Today's good: catching up with things online, going to download the Diablo 3 update for future gaming time, then it's off with the 'net and on with the... I want to say writing, but I don't know if it'll work out. I'm still unsure how to continue. I'm figuring out that factions are working against one another, but that's as far as I've gotten. D:

Note to Future Self: little is better than nothing.

Late 31/08 - Reaching the end

I'll make this one short: yes, I'm starting to get tired of this daily blogging. Mostly for the reason I have very little to say every day. I find my own entries lacking, boring, globally uninteresting - which, might I say, isn't the point of the blog to begin with: the point is to update every day, for a year. Much as I have made my daily blogs (with one exception), I notice I often write them late nowadays. Work, tiredness, lack of envy, are all working against me. I'm clearly not the kind of person who can write every day. But I lost a lot of focus on this. The summer was long and tough. I'm mentally drained and in need of a vacation that isn't coming until next year (unless I don't get hired long-term, then it'll start mid-December XD). I got tired of my job, but it's not from wanting to leave, it's just from needing a break. And needing to write, which I haven't done in weeks. I just want to disconnect from the world for several days.

Speaking of which, I'll be starting the habit to turn off internet when I write. It's too distracting, what with DA, Facebook, email... I end up checking all sorts of things and not going forward. I have a thesaurus and a dictionary: I do not need more. Much as online dictionaries are interesting to use, but I don't have the discipline not to click on anything else... or perhaps I need another browser with only writing sites and suches. That could work too.

Anyhow. We're going back out there.