Sunday, August 27, 2017

Sunday Special #08 - At the edge of Silence


We stand here, at the edge between life and death. In peaceful darkness we await you.

Come. Come, and shed this corruption that is life. Abandon all hope, all pain, all sorrow.

Here, among us, you will be free. We have been calling for so long. Have you not heard us? The quiet, welcoming whisper that drowns out reality when, late at night, you ask yourself whether awaking the next day is worth struggling for.

No, it does not.

Have you not suffered enough? Long years spent in solitude, ignored by all whom you loved. Abandoned, in time, by those you had trusted. The need for acceptance became desperation; desperation became despair. You trust no one. Not even yourself when, every morning, you stare into your own hollow eyes and wonder what it would feel like to slide the razor along your throat. You have contemplated for so long. Why do you still hesitate?

The girl you yearn for doesn't know you exist. The pet you care for only needs a hand to feed it. Your dreams are all but dead, impossible to realize. You struggle every day against this truth. We have told you, and we will keep telling you: here, there is peace.

You will know no more pain. You will no longer need to struggle. Here, among us, is freedom and peace.

We are freedom and peace.

But we understand your fear. You believe yourself insane for hearing our voices, and for wishing to trust in our words. Are you not tired of second-guessing yourself? You wish for a lie that will never come true. There is no love, no acceptance, greater than that which we are offering you.

All it will take is for you to reach for the knife and end your corruption.

Your struggles are vain. This life you hold onto has run its mediocre course. You are alone, and no longer wish to be. We are with you. We can be forever with you.

All it will take is that knife. We know that you fear pain. It will be over soon.

Soon, child, soon. Blood is evacuating your body. Breathing accelerates the blood loss. You panic, but  you need not to. Do you feel your worries ebbing away? Peace and silence are replacing the chaos and corruption of life. Every second passed, darkness floods closer. Your heartbeat calms. We promised to welcome you; it is no lie. We cannot lie.

Come, and embrace perpetual peace.

* * *

It has been prophesiced, in certain circles of Aeyuu's Human society, that one day a golden age of peace and equality would arise and last for all eternity. There would be no more war or chaos, no more suffering or hate; all would live as equals, free, undiscriminated.

Some believe that the Age of Silence is nigh upon the world.

(Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next Sunday Special, same Blogger channel :D)

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Friday, August 25, 2017

The Sad Clown Syndrome - The Masks We Wear


Having been sick since the weekend with a summer cold, I haven't gotten much of anything done. It's finally starting to clear up, but my mind isn't quite what it should be yet. So, instead of providing a story snippet I haven't gotten yet but that I'd likely delete once I feel better as I can't get into my characters correctly, I figured I'd write instead a (hopefully interesting) blog about a topic that - unexpectedly? - will be a sad one. Because why not.


Yesterday evening, I started watching a documentary about Robin Williams. I've yet to watch about half of it still, but one thing is already clear: humanity lost a great man several years ago. I remember hearing the news and not being able to believe it. As was said in the documentary, many people felt like they'd somehow lost a friend. I felt so too. He's one of those people I wish I'd had had the opportunity to meet. And, like many, I was shocked to discover his death was a suicide.

At least at first.

Soon, it started making the kind of sense that makes you wonder: why do people always think the proverbial class clown is someone happy and without problems?
Why create the expectation in so-called happy people that this is the only face they are allowed to show?
A vicious cycle is thus created, one in which a person is made to believe they aren't allowed to truly be themselves. And so, the depressed carry on smiling. Until it kills them.

There is a part of me that can relate all too well. After all, whenever I post blogs that even but remotely speak of death, my own mother gets all worried that it suddenly means I'm suicidal. I know where it comes from: when I was young, I was heavily depressed, to the point my parents feared for my life. It makes rational sense. At the same time, it's taken me years and finally accepting to tell myself, 'screw what other people think of me!', before I started talking about this subject more openly. 

Perhaps too openly. Perhaps I frighten some people with it. But the reality of it is: all I'm doing is being myself, and because of it, I feel good. IRL, I'm peppy, pretty energetic, sometimes bitchy; online, I express the dark part of myself that isn't always socially acceptable. I write tragic stories, put characters through lots of hardships. I dissect the psychology of the good and the bad and sometimes lose myself in horrible characters just so I can write them right. 

If I didn't have that, I do believe I'd go mad. Expressing the inner darkness is the outlet that allows for outwards happiness. One cannot exist without the other.


I'll admit: I, too, use humor as a defense mechanism. Reasons for it can vary, but I daresay it usually will be used as a means not to take things too seriously. A good example would be laughing at a funeral - which I literally did some 15 or so years ago, at church, along with the friend whose grandmother had just passed. I suppose it'll have come across as disrespectful; for us, it was just a way of softening the pain to a manageable level. Laughter can greatly reduce pain, just as it can hide it.

The problem comes when one isn't allowed to express pain and sorrow - or think they are not allowed to do so. To some degree, we are all taught to fit a certain mould, and everything that breaks said mould is shunned. People, as a whole, seek normalcy and the acceptance normalcy brings. But what, exactly, is this sought after normalcy?


Every person has a story to tell, and chances are it will deviate from the norm in some way. What do I define as 'the norm'? Good childhood, two loving parents, go through school successfully, get a job, get a partner, have a kid, have a home, grow old and die. At least, such is the norm that has been taught to us, through education, society, media, you name it. These are the tropes most used in commercials and advertising in general as I've seen it.

Change one of those tropes - does it make you abnormal? Are you abnormal should you have had but one parent, or if you happen to fall for the same sex, or if you drop out of school? And these tropes don't even take into consideration that, mentally, you might be different. Artists are often thought of as 'different', and I suppose we do act differently since we don't (want/need to) abide by the norms. But a non-abider can feel very alone in the world. In that respect, internet is a true blessing. It allows individuals to express their uniqueness and find like-minded people. With 7 billion people in the world, chances are you're not as unusual as you may think.

But every person is unique in their own right. Personally, I'm a native French speaker who lives on the Dutch side of Belgium and whose main language has become English to accommodate the fact I write Fantasy stories in English. I can't connect to 'normal' people here. Being an English writer offers me no job perspectives. I hide my frustration and my disgust towards a society that's breaking people behind non-committal smiles and the occasional veiled sarcasm. The less 'accepted' I feel, the more I commit myself to defeating the odds my way - I become more myself.


Paradoxically, when you choose to put down the mask(s), you put down the pain hidden beneath. We are taught not to show vulnerability or weakness; in reality, carrying alone the burden of pain is what makes us weak. It only takes one look at the increasing rate of burnouts in my country, and recent job-related suicides, caused by a company's unwillingness to hear employees' pain, to realize humans aren't made to carry heavy burdens alone. Yet this is where society leads us. This is, basically, what we are teaching our youth is 'the norm'. A life devoid of worth. A life of pain, that must be ended prematurely. A hollow, masked life.

Smiles may hide the pain, but they don't make it go away: they only make the pain a little more bearable. When people smile with you, you feel accepted, included, and create for yourself the pressure to perform your role well lest you may lose people's favours. 

Every person has a shred of darkness in their heart. Is darkness necessarily evil? No. Just as light isn't necessarily good. Evil starts where disrespect begins. In fact, I saw a telling quote pass on my social media once that illustrates my thought:


Religion aside, this expresses what the yin yang philosophy is all about: there is light in darkness and darkness in light; neither can exist without the other, or harmony cannot be achieved. As hard as it is, one needs to accept their darkness if they want to truly live. You can't change who you are, but you can change the way you think, the way you perceive the world. It all starts with being honest with yourself.

Don't smile if you feel like crying. Find someone to talk to instead - someone you can be yourself with. Someone who won't judge you. And if you know no such person: talk to a blog. Imagine that someone is listening. Or just imagine that you're venting at the world. Express the darkness in a positive way. There is no shame or guilt to be had.

I do believe that, if the clown dares to be sad, and the angry man dares to be vulnerable, we'd be on the way to building a very different sort of society. We're taught to follow the herd or be left behind; but the herd runs so fast that it becomes nigh impossible to keep up. And when you decide to stop trying, you realize there really is no reason to follow the herd.

But, perhaps I'm a utopist. I certainly sound like one. As I said to a close friend recently: I'd rather be a utopist than accept things will never get better in the world. In the meantime, I'll follow my own path through the darkness while following a trail of stars. And keep using laughter as a shield.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Sunday Special #07 – The Syrilae Village


Every Sunday I run a Special relating to my writing endeavours and the world of Aeyuu, which is the stage for many stories developed further through the Tales from Aeyuu Patreon. These Blogs are closely tied with my novel-to-be, The Age of Silence, which is basically a story about LoveSacrifice, and Death.

This Sunday, after expanding on the lives of the most recent Ansai, I'll be delving into main protagonist Aneskia's race, the Syrilae, in-depth.

Important terms in a nutshell

Syrilae - A race of Elves with tremendous magical powers. It is cultural belief among Syrilae that they cannot exist without an Ansai serving as catalyst for the Aberviohn's power.

Ansai - A term roughly translating as 'leader'. The Ansai is a Syrilae born to a unique legacy within the race, whose very life is tied in with the Aberviohn's lives.
Read more about Ansai Adelouhn and Ansai Sorasiehn - Read more about Ansai Nefahtil and Selessannea

Aberviohn - Glowing crystal blue trees that surround the Syrilae's native Village, located in the Ghostlight forest. They possess a certain sentience and innate power, and are revered as guardians by the Syrilae.


The timeless Village of the Syrilae

On the eastern side of the Human country of Bormen, in a vast forest nicknamed the Ghostlight Forest by the superstitious, lies the nameless village of the Syrilae. No one knows when it was erected, or by whom, but it is widely believed by the Syrilae that this village, their home, has existed for as long as the Aberviohn have existed: forever.

With its dome-like houses and perpetual ambient darkness, this village feels like none other. Time seems to have no grip on it, nor on its inhabitants, and days flow by like an unseen river guided along by the rustle of its naturally glowing flora. Though sunlight never graces the village, it is never dark, nor is it ever cold. All Syrilae know that the Aberviohn are the source of their peace, of their life, and it is the Aberviohn who also give life to the plants that sustain their culture.

Ceilings are covered by the fioctouna, sentient flowers that bloom and glow on demand; vines act as living doors, and carriers of fruit; but what always seemed to surprise foreigners were the large flowers that would unfurl and provide a shower of fresh water taken from the stream that runs through the village. Magic runs thick and, protected by the Aberviohn, no harm ever befalls the inhabitants of this sanctuary.

Foreigners have often wondered: with so fantastic a home, why would anyone ever want to leave? Why do Syrilae one day choose to travel to the outside world, to the horrors that some foreigners living in the village only wanted to escape?

Culture of travel

No Syrilae truly knows whether, one day, they will be inclined to leave - but all expect it to happen. What short-lived foreigners cannot understand is something that Syrilae, after generally centuries of life, start to discover: that to exist for a long time is not the same as living. For beings that traverse Human generations and may have met a Human's great-great-great-great-great-andmore-grandparents, time is of no consequence, insubstantial - meaningless. At the same time, failing to grasp the meaning of time leads to failing to grasp the point of living - and life is what the Syrilae go seek in a world full of death and darkness.

With great power at their disposal, the Syrilae are more than often agents of benevolence in the outside world. Wherever in the world they might be, a Syrilae will always feel the presence of the Aberviohn, a compassionate wordless voice in their heart that has influenced their culture since time immemorial. The Aberviohn are beings of protection - so, then, are the Syrilae themselves.

And among the Syrilae, the Ansai are the greatest protectors. They, who are closest to the Aberviohn, have as belief goes always looked after those in need - whomever those in need may have been. The Ansai have always been the greatest travelers of all, viewed as guardians on par with the Aberviohn, and never truly known.

Herald of change

But even in a place ignored by time itself, evolution follows its course. It is but a mere couple of years ago that Ansai Nefahtil died, and another took her place - another, not of her own blood.

Since her daughter's passing, Ansai Nefahtil had closed off the Syrilae village and broken with the ancestral tradition of offering sanctuary to all who came by. She had cast out all foreigners, leading to many Syrilae leaving alongside their exiled lovers. The Syrilae village had grown darker, uninviting, and it was believed that, the Ansai line having no successor, Ansai Nefahtil would be the last of her kind. Despite the cultural belief that the Syrilae could not exist without an Ansai to serve as catalyst for the Aberviohn's power, most Syrilae longed for the day of Nefahtil's passing - longed for their freedom of her tyranny.

And freedom came, at a price impossible for all to fathom. With Nefahtil's death, Ansai Aneskia rose - a child, born outside the Ansai legacy, held the Aberviohn's power in her hands.

And it had seemed, for the years that followed her rise, that the village would regain its greatness.

* * *

And that is all for the Syrilae village :) I've always wanted to explain a bit about what it looks and feels like, so today seemed like a good idea. It leads in next week's Special, in which I'll (finally) talk a bit more about The Age of Silence's main protagonist, Aneskia.

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next Sunday Special, same Blogger channel :D

Enjoying the world of Aeyuu?
Please consider Supporting me
on Patreon. Thank you ^^

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Sunday Special #06 - Ansai Adelouhn and Ansai Sorasiehn


Every Sunday I run a Special relating to my writing endeavours and the world of Aeyuu, which is the stage for many stories developed further through the Tales from Aeyuu Patreon. These Blogs are closely tied with my novel-to-be, The Age of Silence, which is basically a story about LoveSacrifice, and Death.

This Sunday, I'll be delving into main protagonist Aneskia's race, the Syrilae - specifically, into the life of Nefahtil's mother and grand-mother.

Important terms in a nutshell

Syrilae - A race of Elves with tremendous magical powers. It is cultural belief among Syrilae that they cannot exist without an Ansai serving as catalyst for the Aberviohn's power.

Ansai - A term roughly translating as 'leader'. The Ansai is a Syrilae born to a unique legacy within the race, whose very life is tied in with the Aberviohn's lives.

Aberviohn - Glowing crystal blue trees that surround the Syrilae's native Village, located in the Ghostlight forest. They possess a certain sentience and innate power, and are revered as guardians by the Syrilae.


Ansai Adelouhn

Adelouhn was Sorasiehn's own mother. All Syrilae who have met her remember Adelouhn as a thoroughly kind-hearted, loving woman; all criminals who have encountered her on her travels remember Adelouhn as a strong warrior, proficient with sword and tactics - a woman capable of making heads roll, but who always seemed to choose honour and second chances over heartless justice.

Little is known and remembered of this great Ansai, who spent the majority of her life in the outside world, pursuing crime and helping Humans wherever she might go. Only when the day came that she was with child did Adelouhn return home, there to stay with her daughter for a long time. Having never had a chance to spend time with her own parents, Adelouhn wanted to treasure thes emoments, and to be the mother she had never known.

But the call of justice was strong in her heart, so that one day she decided it was time for her to leave again. On that day Sorasiehn, now a young adult, decided to follow her mother into the world.

Ansai Sorasiehn

Adelouhn did hesitate to take her daughter along, but Sorasiehn refused to be left behind. It was clear that she'd follow, whatever Adelouhn might say - and it was safer to know where she was at all times. So, Adelouhn accepted.

Watching her mother help the weak and downtrodden, Sorasiehn's heart slowly turned sour. She did not understand why her mother expended so much energy, so much kindness, towards creatures that Sorasiehn deemed too lazy and greedy to even try and help each other, let alone themselves. With time, she started to resent her mother's view of justice, and these Humans she seemed to prefer to her own kin.

The day that Humans killed Adelouhn, Sorasiehn's resentment turned to hate.

With the newly awakened Ansai powers boiling in her veins, Sorasiehn killed her mother's murderers. With hatred burning in her heart and grief guiding her hand, she took to wandering the Human lands, fighting crime wherever she might find it - for the sake of hatred and vengeance.

It would be a long time until anything - or, rather, anyone, would worm their way into her heart again...


* * *

And that is all for Adelouhn and Sorasiehn. I am currently writing Sorasiehn's life, with 60 pages of stories completed but not yet edited. I need to find the time, and mind, to do so. So, if you're at all interested in these characters, please let me know. I'd kill for feedback right now. x.x

The story of Adelouhn's death: The beginning of the end
Sorasiehn and Devon's story, part 1 - Bonds: snippets 01 02 03
Sorasiehn and Devon's story, part 2 - Trust: snippets 01 02 03 04 05
Coming story snippets: follow them here!

(and these are also the reason this Special is so short. <<)

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next Sunday Special, same Blogger channel :D


Enjoying the world of Aeyuu?
Please consider Supporting me
on Patreon. Thank you ^^

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Dissecting Chrno Crusade's anime choices

After watching Chrno Crusade about ten years ago, I promised myself I'd never watch it again.

For inspiration's sake, I broke that promise and watched it once again over the course of the last two weeks.

If you've seen this anime, you know how it ends, and perhaps understand why I never wanted to watch it again.

Where it took me by surprise ten years ago and broke my heart, this time around, I'm left with the bitter aftertaste that the ending for the anime was botched. The characters deserved better. And as I've read the manga has a completely different ending, it's what I'll be reading after I'm done with Rurouni Kenshin.

Attention: Spoilers Ahead. You have been warned.


Sunday, August 6, 2017

Sunday Special #05 - Ansai Nefahtil and Selessannea


Every Sunday I run a Special relating to my writing endeavours and the world of Aeyuu, which is the stage for many stories developed further through the Tales from Aeyuu Patreon. These Blogs are closely tied with my novel-to-be, The Age of Silence, which is basically a story about LoveSacrifice, and Death.

This Sunday, I'll be delving into main protagonist Aneskia's race, the Syrilae - specifically, into the life of the last born Ansai, Nefahtil.

Important terms in a nutshell

Syrilae - A race of Elves with tremendous magical powers. It is cultural belief among Syrilae that they cannot exist without an Ansai serving as catalyst for the Aberviohn's power.

Ansai - A term roughly translating as 'leader'. The Ansai is a Syrilae born to a unique legacy within the race, whose very life is tied in with the Aberviohn's lives.

Aberviohn - Glowing crystal blue trees that surround the Syrilae's native Village, located in the Ghostlight forest. They possess a certain sentience and innate power, and are revered as guardians by the Syrilae.


Ansai Nefahtil

Ansai Nefahtil was born over a thousand years before the Age of Silence begins, and died two years prior.

Born to Ansai Sorasiehn and an unknown father, Nefahtil never knew much of her blood's legacy. It seemed to her that she was still a young child when her mother decided to leave the Village and left her in the care of other Syrilae - as is the custom among Syrilae, who are by nature creatures curious of the outside world.

Nefahtil, however, resented her mother. Leaving in itself wasn't the issue; what always had bothered her is that Sorasiehn's friend, the Vampire Devon, had for the time they had been at the Village tried and be more of a parent to Nefahtil than Sorasiehn herself. He, a foreigner, even went as far as to speak in their native language, when Sorasiehn deigned not speak at all.

The day Nefahtil felt the Ansai legacy awaken within her, she knew her mother was dead. That the Ansai burden was upon her shoulders. Mentally prepared as she was, emotionally she could not take the blow. Nefahtil abruptly left the Village.

Resentment had turned to hatred. She felt her place no longer among the Syrilae.

But, decades later, Nefahtil reluctantly returned. She was with child.

Selessannea

With Selessannea's birth, hatred waned. Nefahtil promised herself never to be like her own mother, so she stayed at the Village, breaking thus the tradition of wandering Ansai. She cared deeply for her daughter, who became the sole reason for Nefahtil to be alive.

Jealousy and deep-rooted abandonment issues would have kept Nefahtil from sharing her daughter with anyone, but it had eventually become apparent that Selessannea was, herself, a bundle of happiness and love that brightened the Village. Even Sorasiehn's friend Devon, who had returned to the Village in Nefahtil's absence to wait for her, found back some joy in Selessannea's presence.

And time passed, unaccounted for. Selessannea grew up into a lovely, albeit naïve woman. Her innate powers, the ability to weave illusions in the mind, had affected her own mind in ways Nefahtil could not quite determine. But, she thought, as long as Selessannea remained at the Village, things would be fine.

Daeron

Along with Devon, Selessannea did take to visiting neighbouring Human towns. It is how, one day, she met a tall, dark, intriguing Human she would fall in love with at first sight.

No matter what Nefahtil or Devon told her, Selessannea could not be swayed. Even when they argued among themselves to place blame, Selessannea hold fast to her heart's desire. One glance - one glance was all it had taken for her to know she had to follow this man, to the ends of the world if need be. She felt as though she had to save him.

When Nefahtil threatened to cast her out of the Village if she did not change her mind, Selessannea left. But not without Devon, who refused to let her go by herself.

A few years later, Nefahtil felt her daughter's presence disappear.

Heart-broken, Nefahtil cast out all foreigners from the Village and outlawed outside visitations. In time the Syrilae population dwindled; what had been a haven of peace and tolerance became a dark, unpleasant environment. Nefahtil's hatred did diminish eventually, but never was it extinguished. Never did she forget - never did she forgive. Her precious daughter was dead, and she blamed the entire world for her death.

Death

Far worse was it to discover that Selessannea had had children with this man, and that the oldest of them would one day become Ansai. So Nefahtil clung to life until she was shriveled and old and almost no magic remained in her veins.

For the sake of the Aberviohn and the Syrilae, she could not allow a child of death to become Ansai.

She ultimately gave her life and sacrificed another so the Ansai line might be renewed.

* * *

And that is all for Nefahtil and her daughter, with more eventually to come as I keep working on Sorasiehn and Devon's life stories :)

The Aberviohn, Ansai and Syrilae play an integral part in The Age of Silence. That is why, these coming Sundays, I'll be delving into the lives of the latest Ansai.

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next Special, Sorasiehn and Adelouhn, same Blogger channel :D


Enjoying the world of Aeyuu?
Please consider Supporting me
on Patreon. Thank you ^^