First a bit of good news: I (finally!) went to a radiologist for my year-and-a-half-long bruise on my thigh. In case you don't know/remember: I ran into a little door at my former job, at full speed, which resulted in a humongous bruise that lasted for a while. Went to my doctor's about a month ago because it wasn't healing, he sent me to the radiologist, and today I went.
Turns out it's not a torn muscle, but more of a popped fat gland or something. It should've healed and she was surprised it hadn't, so it'll likely stay this way (and keep hurting me <<), but it's nothing serious. My muscles, as she said and I saw on the echography, are in perfect shape. As are my bones. So hurray for that!
Next, less good news: been having some issues again with my mood, and insomnia. I've drastically diminished my coffee consumption (to once or twice a week), but it seems I don't get to drink it two days in a row or I get insomnia/migraine/depressed.
Now, it's not all the caffeine. Part of it is just the disappointment of a slow Patreon growth, the administrative issues (that I'm almost done with), and just the global, natural tendency to feel down when things don't go quite well. That and I've been obsessed with Persona 5 (which I finally completed this weekend after 105 hours!). So I've been thinking about it, observing, and the fact of the matter is I do seem to have some natural cycle regarding my mood. It's annoying, but that's woman -.- all I can really try and do is go with the flow and not try and force myself to do things unless they really have to be done (like administrative things <<). And also avoid being too lenient with myself, which is hard to do << all in all: it's all a matter of understanding oneself and working around your own issues by utilizing your other strengths.
In that respect, it's actually a good thing to be a jack-of-all-trades: when one medium fails you, there's always another one to pick up. It's quite relieving.
Fact is, since taking steps to be 'independent', even when I have periods of time where I feel I'm failing/worthless (because inner nature), something else is there, now, to remind me that there is no other right path and that I will succeed. I just don't know when or how. All I know is I'm going the right way.
And that brings me to Persona 5. Ahh, Persona 5. I'd wanted it at release for its steelbook edition, and dived into it once I got at almost the end of Zelda because I kind of burned myself out on it. Once I started that game up, I was sold.
And I won't go into spoilers or anything because I wouldn't want to ruin it for people who might run into this blog because Persona tag XD but, what I will say is that it made me think. A lot. And transported me to an awesome, stylish world the likes of which I've never seen before. Just look at the intro:
I wanna NG+ just to keep watching it every evening *.*
The game, like really all of the Shin Megami Tensei series, is deep. It's dark, it's psychological, it makes you think, and for me it came at a strange time because I followed a bunch of characters making the choice to live their own life -society be damned!- and stay true to what they believed in. They tried and make it better, following their own sense of justice. And that did resonate with me.
On top of that, it made me think about my life, my friendships, in terms of Confidant Arcana. It even made me wonder: if my life were a Persona game, what would be its theme? 3 had death as central theme, 4 I don't really remember (but I feel its graphic and story-based influence on 5), and 5 has justice. Mine, as I figured out by thinking of my life and certain characteristics of the people close to me, is fear and overcoming it. I have a few friends for whom fear (also anxiety, depression, things that go a bit hand in hand) is a core ingredient of their souls - and some who seem to have gone through it, and conquered it already. The only way to do so is to just keep going, at your own pace, and ignore doubts and worry. You may not make it in the end, but chances are you will get somewhere worthwhile nonetheless.
Break free from that fake self and embrace yourself.
And with that said, a closing statement about the game: I thought it was quite the contemporary societal statement. A lot of what I think about society, I found within it. And I wish I was a Phantom Thief. << XD (but oh my god I'm surely not the only P5 fangirl out there, amirite? XD)
And that is all for now. I'm overall feeling good, even though it seems the day has passed me by and I've yet to do anything productive (but going to a doctor's and spending some time with a close friend does count). I do have ideas. I just need to get to them. <<
It's so hot out here. Damn you summer-approaching. x.x
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