Sunday Special #04 - On the Aberviohn, Ansai, Syrilae

 Patreon ~ Twitter ~ Facebook ~ Pinterest ~ Wordpress ~ Youtube

Every Sunday I run a Special relating to my writing endeavours and the world of Aeyuu, which is the stage for many stories developed further through the Tales from Aeyuu Patreon. These Blogs are closely tied with my novel-to-be, The Age of Silence, which is basically a story about Love, Sacrifice, and Death.

This Sunday, I'll be delving into main protagonist Aneskia's race, the Syrilae.

The Syrilae

The Syrilae are a race of Elf whose origins date back to the beginning of the world. Time and natural evolution aiding, as well as an environment that can only be defined as a sanctuary of peace, the Syrilae became a magical force to be reckoned with.

Yet, despite the power at their disposal, they have never sought more than to live in peace. Their Village, nestled in a thick forest named by generations of Humans as the Ghostlight Forest, is a haven of perpetual darkness bathed in the warmth of naturally glowing plants. Nature itself provides them with everything they need, until such a day a Syrilae may decide to leave the comfort of home and explore the outside world. Before then, several centuries will have passed for them to reach magical maturity and be able to fend for themselves.

Syrilae are naturally inclined towards peace, and thus reluctant to partake in violence and war. That they have done so over the generations only serves to show the kindness most of them harbours; they are powerful beings and know this. As such, some see it as their duty to protect the weak, especially the magicless Humans.

There is little a Syrilae fears - not even death itself. Being long-lived, the Syrilae have no real understanding of the passing of time beyond the cycle of day and night - a cycle, be it said, that doesn't exist in their Village. Therefore, they are naturally prone to showing patience towards all. Sometimes too much patience, as years feel to them as no more than weeks or months to Humans. Often, a Syrilae will understand the fragility of life when watching foreign friends, or their own foreigner parents, die long before they do.

But the Syrilae are creatures who enjoy life. And cultural vocal legacy aiding, they know to owe their existence to the Ansai.

The Ansai

The Ansai (a Syrilae term designating what Humans would call 'leader') is the beating heart of the Syrilae culture; women descending from the very first Syrilae, whose blood carries a magical legacy believed to be at the root of the Syrilae's continued existence.

Ansai are born to Ansai - always women, who majoritarily leave the Village at some point in their life to bring order to the outside world. Their power is greater than other Syrilae; their lives significantly shorter.

Some, like Ansai Adelouhn and her daughter Ansai Sorasiehn, chose the way of the sword to uphold an innate sense of justice. Others, like Sorasiehn's daughter Nefahtil, and Nefahtil's own daughter Selessannea, remained at the Village and contributed to its growth.

All, from the beginning of time 'til now, had in common one aspect: a deep bond with the Aberviohn.

The Aberviohn

The Aberviohn are as old as time - if not older. No one truly knows when they grew or why, but most Syrilae adhere to the common belief that without an Ansai to act as catalyst for the Aberviohn's power, the Syrilae themselves would be doomed to extinction.

These crystal-like trees, grew in a wide circle around the area that would become the Syrilae Village in time. It is their glow that will lead Humans to call the forest 'haunted', and to name it the Ghostlight Forest. What Humans cannot pick up on are the vibrations emitted in the air by these sentient trees. With their bat-winged ear extensions, the Syrilae can 'hear the Aberviohn's voices', with the Ansai being the only Syrilae capable of decrypting these silent vibrations.

It is through the Ansai that the Aberviohn express their will - an endless quest for peace, for understanding, for compassion. They are the reason strangers who stray into these woods have always been welcomed and tended for, while all that would threaten the peace are met with an unbreakable barrier. The Aberviohn are protection incarnate; all that reside in their midst need never again worry.

Be they residing at the Village or living far from home, all Syrilae share a bond with the Aberviohn, and would be able to find their way back with ease. For the Aberviohn never abandon their children, and never will.

* * *

And that is all for the (short) Syrilae introduction :)

The Aberviohn, Ansai and Syrilae play an integral part in The Age of Silence. That is why, these coming Sundays, I'll be delving into the lives of the latest Ansai.

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next Special, Nefahtil and Selessannea, same Blogger channel :D

Enjoying the world of Aeyuu?

Please consider Supporting me

on Patreon. Thank you ^^

Suicide is Selfish - So is the Desire to Live

 Patreon ~ Twitter ~ Facebook ~ Pinterest ~ Wordpress ~ Youtube

Recently, a close friend of mine posted an article that referenced Chester Bennington's suicide with a photo that has since been removed, for the article originally referenced Robin Williams' suicide in 2014. The title read, 'There's nothing selfish about suicide'.

I disagreed with the title alone.

I have written about suicide before, and will again emphasize the most important point - that which I think everyone ought to realize before stating an opinion on suicide and people suffering from suicidal thoughts.

Someone suicidal does not want to die; they simply want their suffering to end.

In that respect, suicide is as self-centered an act as it is for a struggling person to crave for betterment in their life. Even I, who enjoy helping others, do so because it makes me happy. It is an acquired habit; I do enjoy seeing people feel better about themselves, or improve their lives and/or skills. And I won't deny that receiving gratitude in return is in part what drives me to keep helping others.

I don't think there is anything wrong with this kind of selfishness. Just as I think there is nothing wrong with the selfish desire to want to die. What I do think is wrong, however, is to not call a spade a spade.

As I read the article and the writer's reasons for not calling suicide selfish, I ran into a paragraph that, indirectly, defined suicide and depression as a most self-centered way of being.

"Suicide is a decision made out of desperation, hopelessness, isolation and loneliness. The black hole that is clinical depression is all-consuming. Feeling like a burden to loved ones, feeling like there is no way out, feeling trapped and feeling isolated are all common among people who suffer from depression."

Your own desperation; your own hopelessness; isolation and loneliness are definitions themselves of self-centeredness. Depression is indeed a black hole, one where you stand all alone, even be you surrounded by friends and family. You don't want these people to step into that hole and be sucked in; but you also don't want to stay stuck in this hole. Eventually, the peace of death seems like the only true way out, because trying anything else is simply too hard.

"People who say that suicide is selfish always reference the survivors. It’s selfish to leave children, spouses and other family members behind, so they say. They’re not thinking about the survivors, or so they would have us believe. What they don’t know is that those very loved ones are the reason many people hang on for just one more day. They do think about the survivors, probably up until the very last moment in many cases. But the soul-crushing depression that envelops them leaves them feeling like there is no alternative. Like the only way to get out is to opt out. And that is a devastating thought to endure."

How is it not selfish to leave people behind so that you may feel better through death? The cost of your freedom is life-long grief for those who stay; it is something to be aware of, to face head-on, and with some luck it will also be the thought that keeps you alive for so long that, one day, you find yourself with a life so beautiful you may just regret ever thinking of dying. 'What they don’t know is that those very loved ones are the reason many people hang on for just one more day' - even though I understand that, sometimes, this isn't enough. And I believe (perceived) judgment is what sometimes pushes people over the edge.

"Until you’ve stared down that level of depression, until you’ve lost your soul to a sea of emptiness and darkness... you don’t get to make those judgments. You might not understand it, and you are certainly entitled to your own feelings, but making those judgments and spreading that kind of negativity won’t help the next person. In fact, it will only hurt others."

And so is another 'entitled' (I don't like this word) to judge those who judge, all the while making an excellent statement: 'spreading that kind of negativity won’t help the next person'.

Whether suicide is defined or not as selfish is, ultimately, irrelevant. Because wanting to live is just as selfish. In depression you are but a husk, a lifeless vessel that others must drag along. It is just as selfish to indirectly force others to guide you, as it is to force grief upon the rest of their lives. Your death might even cause someone else's; can you face this potential guilt? Can you accept to find peace while causing chaos all around you?

If death is no option and life seems impossible, what is there to do?

But then, why is death your option, and why does life seem impossible?

I do strongly believe that calling suicide 'selfish' is completely counter-productive, and ignorant of the guilt a depressed person already lives with. I call it self-centered not out of judgment, but from looking at the emotional facts of depression: you indeed feel all alone; you indeed feel like your pain will never end; you indeed feel like no one understands you. Beneath the hollow suffering are other reasons, which have led to the darkness; for me, hollow suffering turned gradually to hateful anger, as my depression was caused by heavy bullying. I did become sort of a bully at some point, until friends called me out on my behaviour. Even this rage was selfish - it was my way of venting my pain, and paving the way to reconstruction.

Nowadays the understanding of suffering is what makes me write. And the base for all of my stories and characters. I can never forget what life was like at my lowest, as though 20 years ago was but yesterday. But I have made my darkness my friend and ally.

And it is because I strongly believe that a person must be able to face the darkest part of themselves in order to truly live that I state my opinion on these matters. I don't speak out of ignorance, but life experience. And I am aware that my own life experience will not be someone else's. One person may relate to my words, just as another will believe that I have no idea what I'm talking about and can't possibly understand how they're feeling.

That would be true. Every person has a unique life experience, a unique vision of the world. That's why it's so important to choose life over death.

If you're not here to tell your story, who will? Even if you believe you have no story to tell.

I didn't have any to tell 20 years ago, either.

Sunday Special #03 - The Age of Silence: Death

 Patreon ~ Twitter ~ Facebook ~ Pinterest ~ Wordpress ~ Youtube

If you haven't already, check out Part 1 and Part 2!

On the Age of Silence

The Age of Silence refers to the novel's title, which I oft abbreviate to TAoS. If you've checked the Patreon page, you'll have gotten an idea of what the story's about, namely:

The Age of Silence follows a young Syrilae girl known as Aneskia in her quest to right a terrible wrong that has befallen her home. On her way she will meet unlikely friends and lethal enemies, while her very existence unravels with seemingly every step she takes. 

With madness closing in and threats revealing themselves to her new-gained senses, will Aneskia find a way to mend what has been broken? Will she rise beyond herself and find the strength to oppose the growing darkness? And who, among all foreign faces she will meet, will side with her when the time comes to make the hard decisions? 

The plot in itself I shorten to this: it's a story about Love, Sacrifice, and Death. These words hold a lot more meaning than readily apparent. Today, I will be discussing my favourite aspect: Death.

* * *

TAoS and Death

It feels as though Death has always been with me. Ever since I first was introduced as a child to the tarot and its 13th arcana, Death has been a part of my life. I developed a fascination for Death as an entity - a fascination that peaked when I created Aeyuu's own Reaper.

But nothing shaped my fascination quite like my early depression. In fact, I daresay that without it, I would neither be the person I am today, nor would I have Aeyuu. That depression, and that one moment where I contemplated what it would be like to die, set the gears in motion for further evolution of my fascination. My favourite horror movies are ghost stories - powerful stories such as the original Ringu or Ju-On the Grudge, psychological movies like the Sixth Sense... Terrifying stories like Paranormal Activity Tokyo. Or wondered about Death's own personality, as so well interpreted in Meet Joe Black.

In truth, I have always wondered what lies just beyond reach. And on Aeyuu, all deaths intertwine - be they physical or mental, living or dead. There are many ways to die and even more than one Death.

Death, black and absolute; Death, insidious and grey.

And it is a death in her village that will lead main protagonist Aneskia to embark on an impossible quest: to try and find a way to return life to that which is not quite dead, but no longer alive. A state of being she will only learn to understand, all too well, the more she faces the grey Death and the truth of its existence.

At her side will stand Nalyn, an Elshir man who lived his entire life by death and never found the courage to die; Kristofa, who never quite recovered from Aneskia's mother untimely end; even a black Death might choose to take a stand and help Aneskia along. But in the end she will still have to decide: is the life of one worth the death of thousands more? 

Perhaps the choice will be made for her by Devon, whose long experience fighting the grey Death has left him bitter and vengeful; and what of the dead themselves, who aspire for but one outcome?

Beyond death as we understand it, there is death as the 13th arcana teaches us: transformation. The end of one aspect, so another may take its place. Choices to be made, paths taken or perhaps ignored; in a world where darkness gains a little more weight with every passing day, even Death itself will have to transform and adapt, or be wiped from existence. 

Choose to be more than you are; or follow your course and spiral towards destruction.

With Love in her heart and Sacrifice guiding her feet, Aneskia will face Death without and within until her own life but hang by a thread. Will she submit, or wield?

And will the prophesized Age of Silence come to pass?

* * *

And that is the final part of TAoS' thematic tryptich :) next week Sunday, I'll delve into Aneskia's race, the Syrilae, and the connection between Syrilae, Ansai, and Aberviohn. It'll all make sense then, I promise ;)

Enjoying the world of Aeyuu?

Please consider Supporting me

on Patreon. Thank you ^^

On Discouragement - and Never Giving Up

 Patreon ~ Twitter ~ Facebook ~ Pinterest ~ Wordpress ~ Youtube

Two things happened this morning already:

1. I checked Twitter and saw I had 2 new followers (and the next time I loaded Twitter, it became 1 - I don't understand the fluctuation in followers on that platform)

2. I checked Twitter's stats and became overwhelmed by a wave of discouragement when I saw this:

In fact, I'm so discouraged that I don't even know what to type right now. It's just... facts, right? Basically no one's interested in what I do.

But then, I see people with thousands of followers who don't even get one like on their posts. I have 45 and I do get some (minus one who's bf but well. <<). Still, the numbers just make you want to cry.

And it's for these moments that I hung a mirror in my kitchen:

The daily reminder that, no matter how one day's outlook appears, greater things may still happen.

After all, 20 years ago I was so deep in depression I believed I'd never amount to anything, never have a life, never even work because social phobia, never have a lovelife, never - you name it, I probably thought it. And I was wrong across the entire line.

So if today I think 'I'll never be a succesful writer who has people enjoying what they write and is also able to live from my craft', I know the odds are I'll prove myself wrong, sometime down the road.

In fact, taking into consideration the evolution of my life, I daresay it's far better in the long run that things start slow. Immediate success might very well get to my head. Having to work daily on 'getting there' is, I think, exactly what I need to be learning at this point in my life. I've given up on many things along the years. Writing will not be one of them. In fact, I've never felt as passionnate about anything as I am about getting where I want to be.

There's still a lot to learn at age 36. ;)

* * *

And somehow relatedly, as I got the idea while writing this up (multitasking brain, always), I'll be changing the names of the Patreon reward tiers again. Might as well do so while I don't have too many folks XD

The reasoning behind it is double:

- For one, part of me thinks that rewarding the $7 tier (and of course above) with full stories goes against my main drive to be read and enjoyed. At the same time, when I see the work that writing is, I know that lowering the tier amount will discourage me more than not getting new Patrons. It's 7 a month for everything I write in said month, and I aim for a month to comprise of 15 pages. Minimum. Considering I write about 1 page an hour, that's at best $0.5 an hour (and that's without counting the numerous pages of extra content such as thought processes). I mean... I have to be fair towards myself.

- For two, and somehow this is most important: I love the number 7. A lot. Even though 2017 is a crap year. But, with this being a crap year, I realized something about that favourite number of mine.

Yeah. It's gotta be 7. It can't be anything else that 7. Because look at it. I mean... I've had a thing for Death as an entity since I was a child, in the form of the tarot card XIII (yes I had a strange childhood XD). Death is the card of transformation: reaping what is obsolete, so new life can grow. 2017 is such a year (and, no, I hadn't realized the scythe thing before this crap year began). It's like some sort of cosmic force is aligning *.*

Perhaps it's a sign; perhaps it's just my mind willing to see signs where none truly are. Perhaps this means I'll succeed; perhaps I'm on a wild goose chase. What I do know is that I need to change the $7 reward tier name to reflect its importance.

*

If I don't try, I'll certainly not succeed. And I can't accept not to succeed. This drive keeps me from being fully discouraged. 

And, it helps to have friends and family - and sometimes even strangers! - who support you. I'll never be able to stress that enough.

Sunday Special #02 - The Age of Silence: Sacrifice

 Patreon ~ Twitter ~ Facebook ~ Pinterest ~ Wordpress ~ Youtube

If you haven't already, check out last week's Special!

On the Age of Silence

The Age of Silence refers to the novel's title, which I oft abbreviate to TAoS. If you've checked the Patreon page, you'll have gotten an idea of what the story's about, namely:

The Age of Silence follows a young Syrilae girl known as Aneskia in her quest to right a terrible wrong that has befallen her home. On her way she will meet unlikely friends and lethal enemies, while her very existence unravels with seemingly every step she takes. 

With madness closing in and threats revealing themselves to her new-gained senses, will Aneskia find a way to mend what has been broken? Will she rise beyond herself and find the strength to oppose the growing darkness? And who, among all foreign faces she will meet, will side with her when the time comes to make the hard decisions? 

The plot in itself I shorten to this: it's a story about Love, Sacrifice, and Death. These words hold a lot more meaning than readily apparent. Today, I will be discussing Sacrifice.

* * *

TAoS and Sacrifice

Paradoxally, Sacrifice is a notion foreign to me. I do not view the world from the perspective of having to give up certain aspects of my life in order to keep advancing; rather, I see these losses as natural consequences of choices made. The major difference here is, where sacrifice holds a negative connotation, my perspective allows me to, on the whole, not regret what I lose.

In the dark world of Aeyuu, sacrifice is a part of surviving. Humans sacrifice their dignity, Elshir abandon their unwanted children, Syrilae sacrifice their lives - all in order to survive. They say that only the strong survive - in a world where the strong may become weak in a heartbeat, there are no certainties, no guarantees that tomorrow will ever be seen.

In the Age of Silence, main protagonist Aneskia, a young Syrilae girl full of kindness and unconditional love, will eventually be faced with a terrible dilemma: to accept the death of one in order for thousands more to be saved.

When you cannot accept death in any way or form, what choice can be made? What Sacrifice is acceptable? 

Beyond sacrificing one life - or thousands more - the real Sacrifice is that of Self. This is a Sacrifice many citizens of Aeyuu have known all too well.

For the second main protagonist, Nalyn, Sacrifice of Self is something so ingrained in the entirety of his life that it is hard to say where he begins and Sacrifice ends. Dignity, morality, health - there is nothing Nalyn has not traded in at some point in his life. The only thing he has never been able to Sacrifice is his very life.

For Kristofa, Sacrifice of Self meant betrayal, that indirectly caused the death of the one woman he'd ever truly, and unrequitedly, loved. After everything he'd known had changed, the hard-hearted Kristofa discovered what it truly is to feel regret.

For Devon, Sacrifice of Self was a loss of humanity born of jealousy. The woman he loved chose another, and this man ultimately became her death. Never, before then, had he killed because he'd wanted to.

And these are but a few of the characters who, in one way or another, closely or distantly, relate directly to the story of The Age of Silence. There are many more whose lives and exploits (in)directly affected the state of the world, such as Sorasiehn, a bloodthirsty Syrilae who Sacrificed her Self the day her mother was murdered, or Eglen, whose Sacrifice of Self made him become a better person, to one day lose all that he had so painstakingly acquired. 

Everything comes down to choices made. Such are our lives, and such are theirs. They may not know what their lives will be made of, but of one thing is certain: everything ends with death.

Or does it?

And on that note: stay tuned for part 3, Death, next week Sunday, same Blogger channel :D

Enjoying the world of Aeyuu?

Please consider Supporting me

on Patreon. Thank you ^^

Sunday Special #01 - The Age of Silence: Love

 Patreon ~ Twitter ~ Facebook ~ Pinterest ~ Wordpress ~ Youtube

If you've been on my blog for a few years (which is likely not the case but let's imagine it is, for ego's sake! :D), then you may remember 2016. On January 4th, I posted some resolutions, and then I started a year-long character blog that, I must admit, I never thought I'd manage to keep up with. I was late a few times, struggled for ideas some weeks, but in the end I succeeded. 

And reading those 2016 resolutions over, one caught my eye:

So, I'm going to start talking about these beloved characters, and draw them, and share thoughts and ideas because, in the end, whether the book gets written or not is irrelevant: what matters to me is sharing my world, my headpeople, and, perhaps, get a novel out of it. The main idea is clear, the main characters too, all I need is to... write. Good luck to me XD

When I say my goal is to be read and enjoyed, I clearly mean it.

Hence why I decided to reboot this world-sharing tradition, yup in the middle of the year, and this time with a greater focus on specific characters and even that elusive novel-to-be. I need some order in the chaos and figure this would be a nice addition to the Patreon, where I post stories (and the occasional artwork and/or Blogger life post) that, though relevant to TAoS in some way, may seem a bit disjointed nonetheless due to a lack of back-information on everything. So, I'll run this directed Sunday Special alongside the stories' inspiration. What that means ought to be apparent at some point ;)

But first of all,

What's in that acronym, TAoS?

I use it every so often out of habit/ease, and got into that habit because I didn't want too much known about the novel itself. You live, you learn, and I've reached a point where (as I will state every so often) I just want to be read and enjoyed. I don't want too many plotpoints revealed, but at the same time there's a difference between knowing a book's end and reading it, experiencing the world, the characers, the emotions, etc. You may know how Harry Potter ends because you've seen the movies, but it'll still have a very different impact to read the books and get into the characters. 

So: TAoS refers to the novel's title, which is The Age of Silence. If you've checked the Patreon page, you'll have gotten an idea of what the story's about, namely:

The Age of Silence follows a young Syrilae girl known as Aneskia in her quest to right a terrible wrong that has befallen her home. On her way she will meet unlikely friends and lethal enemies, while her very existence unravels with seemingly every step she takes. 

With madness closing in and threats revealing themselves to her new-gained senses, will Aneskia find a way to mend what has been broken? Will she rise beyond herself and find the strength to oppose the growing darkness? And who, among all foreign faces she will meet, will side with her when the time comes to make the hard decisions? 

The plot in itself I shorten to this: it's a story about Love, Sacrifice, and Death. These words hold a lot more meaning than readily apparent. Today, I will be discussing Love.

* * *

TAoS and Love

Love is an emotion I sought for a long time. It used to be a blinding form of madness that, in time, I recognized for what it was. Nowadays Love is peace - it's calmness, comfort, un long fleuve tranquille. I used to resent the peace because I'd put it in my mind that love was supposed to be something powerful, something that tears at your heart and strengthens emotions 'til breaking point.

I may no longer feel that chaotic form of love myself, but I experience it every so often with my characters. In most cases, Love is exactly what that quote states. And Friendship can be a subdivision of this Love.

"Two Solitudes that meet, protect, and greet each other" - that is exactly how I would describe main protagonists Aneskia, young Syrilae girl, and Nalyn, old Elshir warrior.

The idea for TAoS has been with me since 2011, and has evolved a lot since then. The main event that sets it in motion, which is hinted at in this first chapter rough draft, has remained the same. Funny thing is, though I knew Aneskia would be its main protagonist, I'd had no idea at the time who to place on her path that may become that needed protective force. I ran through my vast catalogue of characters and debated the situation with some (yes, I'm that kind of writer), until I managed to answer the pretty vague question of 'who do I have for whom it'd make sense to be in the area at the required time?'. The day I thought of Nalyn, everything clicked.

Two extremes - a fragile child whose childhood has been over-protected, and an old man who's only known hardship since the day he was born - meet through chance, through danger, and eventually tame one another through mutual grief: both have lost everything they've ever cared about. Aneskia has lost her mother, her friends, her home, while Nalyn has lost the only love he's ever known. Though their personalities are polar opposites - Aneskia is a fearful child with no knowledge of the outside world, Nalyn has seen and done enough to despise the world and himself - they will travel together, seeking answers to certain events in their lives.

Most other characters they will meet have known the loss of loved ones. Among others Devon, a Vampire with close connections to the Syrilae, whose greatest loss was Ansai Nefahtil's daughter Selessannea and, mere years later, both of Selessannea's own daughters; and Kristofa, a Syrilae man who knew Aneskia's mother Niskania all too well. Love is as much a driving force as it is an obstacle, sometimes even a threat. For some, love is a madness without a cure. But whatever a character's relationship with love, be it grand, excessive, or vastly non-existent, all are driven by it in some way.

And Aneskia, whose source of power is unconditional love, is the glue that holds the entire story together. She is the voice of emotional reason, who'd rather give a murderer a second chance than condemn them outright. As TAoS will advance, that unconditional love will be tested until only one question remains: is the life of one worth the deaths of thousands more?

And on that note: stay tuned for part 2, Sacrifice, next week Sunday, same Blogger channel :D

Enjoying the world of Aeyuu?

Please consider Supporting me

on Patreon. Thank you ^^