Belated wishes and small hiatus

Seasons' greetings y'all!

As you may have noticed, there was no Special this past Sunday (because christmas), and there won't be one next Sunday either. The Specials will resume on January 7th.

In the meantime, I'm still severely struggling with insomnia, to the point I decided to just give up for tonight after spending the last two hours tossing and turning - and thinking. I can't sleep. And I seem to recall having a similar issue last year, so my guess is this is the time of year for me where 3 AM at the soonest is my bedtime.

But the attempted sleep wasn't in vain. So though there's no Special these couple of weeks, have a couple of fun Aeyuu facts instead that came to me in between two Fates thoughts :D

- Syrilae, and perhaps other spellcasters on Aeyuu, have two hearts. The primary heart is like ours, though located lower in their chests; the secondary one is more like a tiny ball located along the upper main artery. This heart is what powers their magic.

I haven't quite figured out everything yet, but I know when a thought feels this right it means it is right. I see this secondary heart activate when using/powering up magic, which essentially means (I think) that they physical functions and magical abilities aren't interdependent - even though their magic does get cast through their hands (logic there, I assume, is because this heart is closest to the hands, but with practice one may be able to learn to control what appendage magic come from. Maybe even as a breath. That'd be cool. *.*)

As a note, Syrilae blood itself consists of magic in part. So do their bodies. So I guess it makes sense that such creatures would require additional organs to function properly. Pretty sure the secondary heart also plays a part in digestion. But I'll have to figuratively dissect someone to figure all of that out.

- There are a lot of different metals on Aeyuu; some are common to other worlds, even our own, such as steel and gold (called aur). Others are unique to that world - one of which is basically a sort of flint-like ore that can be refined into metal as well as gems.

This ore is called gernate. As the name sort of suggests, this is a reddish rock, mined mostly in the Human lands. It doesn't look much different from iron ore, but has a different consistence. When heated to a certain degree, it'll melt and can be used in conjunction with steel ore (a name I might still change but I picked 'steel' to mark the fact it doesn't rust like iron) to create weapons and other items. If left to harden on its own, gernate will gain a certain transparency and basically become a red gem (imagine translucent jasper). But gernate ore on its own has an interesting attribute not found in other minerals: when scraping it with for instance a knife, it will create red-hot sparks that, yes, can and will cause fires.

I haven't thought yet of all its uses, but one of 'em is the invention of lighters and lanterns that are self-sufficient. Real gernate is pricey, so most common-use items are made of a synthetic gernate ore created by alchemists. Still gotta think of how they did that, but then I feel like there's still a lot of natural mysteries and utilities I should be thinking about. Oh and I'm now pretty sure gernate ore is used in the guns the Humans will manage to manufacture eventually.

Or how to 'other-world' items and stuff found in our own world XD

Pretty sure I'll be thinking about more things, but that's for the current random ideas. I've been missing my favourite world :) next year it'll return more on the forefront of things - right after I finish writing Fates. As it stands, I have a professional editor hired for Fates, meaning it'll get self-published sometime in 2018. And if all goes well, The Age of Silence's first draft will get written too.

For now, I can but hope my sleep schedule will become more normal again, because my brain is about dead. XD

Happy holidays everyone!

Sunday Special #21 – From Human to Vampire (psychology)

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Every Sunday I run a Special relating to my writing endeavours and the world of Aeyuu, which is the stage for many stories developed further through the Tales from Aeyuu Patreon. These Blogs are closely tied with my novel-to-be, The Age of Silence, which is basically a story about Love, Sacrifice, and Death.

Previous Special Arcs:
0. TAoS Themes (3 journals)
1. The Syrilae (7 journals)
2. The Necrolore (6 journals)
3. The Denumbra (2 journals)

Today, we continue to delve into Vampiric aspects, namely what goes on in their minds.

Art commissioned from dannii-jo

The Vampire: intelligent predator or humane beast?

The answer has yet to be uncovered by the alchemists who poured over this age-old question, but most will agree that a Vampire at its best is a bit of both. Even after being turned and losing its memory, a Vampire might still show signs of humanity, such as a certain care for animals, a preference for certain foods, or even a deep-rooted hatred for people it no longer remembers. Korindian studies of of the Vampiric brain have yet to reveal how and why this change occurs, as do the studies regarding their venom. All that is certain, is that Vampires aren't Humans. As such, they are treated just like any other dangerous predator and dispatched whenever possible, even if it means murdering a relative.

But those who have stood alongside Vampires have very different stories to tell as to their sentience - and even as to their humanity. Tales of Vampires killing their own kin to save a Human, of Vampires helping to rebuild a devastated village, or even protecting Humans against Elven invasions; there are as many tales of good deeds as there are of evil deeds, or so does the rumour go. Among mercenaries and traveling warriors, Vampires are appreciated companions whose strength and instinct may mean the difference between life and death in combat. Vampiric healers and Imperial soldiers aren't unheard of, but keep their true identities well hidden. 

Be it good-hearted or ill-intentioned, a Vampire remains a predator. All Vampires have in common a need to consume fresh blood to stay healthy, and ignoring this Hunger, as it is called, will drive even the best of them to attack innocents on sight and rip them apart. The youngest Vampires are by far the most dangerous, but also the most vulnerable: the Hunger blinds them, distracts them, and they know only to attack in a straight line. Whereas older Vampires have a better grasp of their Hungering madness, and are able to juggle the craving for blood with a certain strategic clarity. It is nigh impossible to discern youth from experience, as even an old lady may be but a fledgling Vampire in disguise, and a child over two centuries old - both with the strength to pull an adult man off his feet. To a Hungry Vampire, all that lives is considered easy prey. Yet there are known cases of Vampires with relative success in fighting these primal urges, often leading to their deaths.

How and why would a Vampire defy its own instinct? There are no factual answers to this question, but theories point at the level of humanity a Vampire retains after being turned. How fundamentally different is a Vampire who fondly remembers the smell of flowers from a Vampire who fears, and kills, an armed man? Why do these memories remain and surface, when even loved ones are completely forgotten? And what to make of these Vampires who'd rather bleed and kill themselves than to ever risk taking another's life?

Many more questions exist than there are answers found. Vampires are a difficult breed to approach - reclusive, paranoid, if not entirely homicidal. The Korindians have found alchemical ways to subdue these beasts, but no method is truly foolproof - thusly proving that, like among all races, exceptions and unique individuals exist.

Be the Vampire an intelligent predator or a humane beast or both at once, it is also a mystery that may never be solved.

* * *

And that is all for this week. I had a bit of trouble writing this up, but it's likely due to the two coffees and my brain being in a whole other universe at the moment. Still. I tried and make this as interesting as humanly possible ;)

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next Sunday Special, same Blogger channel :D

Enjoying the world of Aeyuu?

Please consider Supporting me

on Patreon. Thank you ^^

The Self - Who am I to You?

My day started out pretty amazingly with this view of my backyard,

Then it got even better as a fellow writer shared some words of encouragement with me that I really, really needed to hear this morning. With the whole Patreon debacle, the entirety of my hopes for the future disappeared. When you no longer have hope, all that is left is a deep dive.

Were it not for this little pit of 'YOU CAN FUCKING DO IT' nestled in my heart and soul (and rationality kicking my ass for letting emotions get the better of me), I may just be giving up right now. And a part of me is. I'm grieving the loss of hope and having to build my perspectives for the future from the ground up again.

It's nothing I've never done before, and certainly not as hard and seemingly impossible as getting over a ten-year depression caused by daily bullying at an age (14-15) when you're basically supposed to be building yourself. I always think: I got through that, the rest is trivial.

But then I had a discussion with an ex-coworker from a few years ago, and I got so pissed off at the mentality - not him, as I know he's a good guy. There's a fine, but very real, distinction here. Just like with Patreon, you can hate the company, but understand the individual. And I got an inkling as to where the negativity comes from, anyway.

But why did I get pissed off? Because of the mentality that people without jobs are 'social parasites', and it'd be good to put these people to work in volunteer jobs - namely, right now, to clear out the snow for the old and the isolated. I actually like the thought, because it'd give these people a chance to get out of their own isolation and feel useful (a much needed sentiment). But I greatly dislike the idea these people are parasites - and this because, being unemployed, it puts me in this 'parasite' category.

Needless to say, words and opinions were exchanged, and I figured I'd just be honest about things when he said I probably felt targeted - it's true. I feel targeted because I feel for people in a situation worse off than my own, as I understand how horrible it is to be there. You're viewed as scum, as parasites,a s people who don't want to help themselves. More stigma won't make things better. So, yes, I get 'righteously angry'. I honestly sometimes wonder whether I'm still capable of 'feeling', so it's nice to be reminded now and again that I can. And what pissed me most off is how he beat around the bush, when he could have said right away: yes I'm a cynic and this is how I view things (which he eventually did).

In the meantime, more negativity got out into the world, and I now feel bad for this guy being trapped in such negative thinking. Because fuck you idealistic empathy *sigh* but anyway. Indirectly, I got to know he doesn't think of me this way. Which does make me happy, as I don't think of him as an asshole just for sharing that kind of opinion. I did at first XD but that was the beating around the bush. I like honest, straightforward people who say things as they are, and answer things straight. The rest gets under my skin (and now you know how to piss me off - please don't do it <<)

However, I find this conversation to have been enlightening. I'd thank him for it, but I'm worried he'd think I'm being a sarcastic bitch XD seriously though, the part that struck me as we finally got to the core of the issue and words were being truthful (=that he's a cynic), is something said before: that I felt personally attacked. Yes and no - no because I rather feel for people in my situation and can relate; yes because, well, yes, I am technically a social parasite, so it hurts when people I like share opinions that basically state they dislike people like me. At the base, I'm not a parasite by choice: I had an awesome job, the company went broke, I haven't been able to find a job I liked that much; then I had to take a job out of financial necessity, and to this day (two years later) I still have a bruise on my thigh from hitting a little door thing at the register that wasn't well closed and that I hit full force.

Every day I am reminded of how much I hated that last job (except for my colleagues). Every day I am reminded through this wound of what I had, what I lost, and what I fucking refuse to sacrifice ever again. Yes, I am technically a parasite, but in my mind I'm currently a monstrous beast that will destroy anything in its path towards the future I want. Which is kind of not a good way to be. With the Patreon thing, my being unemployed and perhaps soon kicked off welfare, and weeks-long insomnia caused by I imagine the financial stress, my self-confidence is at a very low point. I can barely motivate myself to write. But I will write, because that's all I'm good at. I can only live on the hope this book in the works will start helping with the finances - or be a huge success, though I prefer keeping my feet on the ground.

But, I saw today just how negatively I think of myself, as well. For all my growth, for all my drive, I am still very much prone to beating myself down and thinking myself not good enough.

In a way, I think I ought to be grateful the Patreon story ends. I tried, I failed, and what I take home is the experience and knowledge that,

1. I can stick to a schedule and write a lot more than I think

2. When creating out of a financial aspect, I am not doing what I should be doing

3. I'm a writer. That's my category. Always will be.

And, for some irrational reason, I still have the feeling 2018 will be explosively good. So lets hope that gut feeling's right. Because I'm also not feeling anything bad happening for the coming three years (or beyond, but that's still far away).

I will never be like other people; I will never find satisfaction in leading a 'normal' life. I don't want to regret. And I know that if I were to try and 'fix' my technical social status through expected means, I'd regret it for the rest of my life. I can't keep wasting time. And if people want to see me as a social parasite, then that's their choice; if they want to see me as a low-life once I fall off the face of society, then that's their choice. But I shouldn't, and can't, let others' views negatively affect me - rather, I prefer to try and positively influence them. And that's my choice.

Total self feelgood post, but sometimes those are needed XD I really have no idea where I'm going beyond getting my book ready, edited, and published. And if it weren't for the love of a good man who understands what it's like to chase a dream and succeed, we wouldn't be getting a chance at reaching for the crazy dream. I always think things happen for a reason, but it can take time to truly understand what that reason is.

All that said, it's time for me to go back to Fates. 20k words in a month is the goal, and getting some stories edited to share their first chapters publicly. People do amazing things all the time. I can't let a setback push me back into old thinking patterns, or keep me stuck there. Now I get to write for the love of it again. And maybe do some cross-stitching sometime soon. Haven't allowed myself such a break in a couple of years. 

Sunday Special #20 – From Human to Vampire (physiology)

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Support us on Ko-Fi ~ Liberapay

Every Sunday I run a Special relating to my writing endeavours and the world of Aeyuu, which is the stage for many stories that will be developed further on the official Tales from Aeyuu site. These Blogs are closely tied with my novel-to-be, The Age of Silence, which is basically a story about Love, Sacrifice, and Death.

Previous Special Arcs:
0. TAoS Themes (3 journals)
1. The Syrilae (7 journals)
2. The Necrolore (6 journals)
3. The Denumbra (2 journals)

Today we delve into the physical attributes of Vampires.

Physiology: from Human to Vampire

In the Sommerdiev Empire, it is a well-known fact that to become a Vampire, one must be bitten by a Vampire. This fact, however, isn't foolproof: there are cases of Humans seeking out Vampires, being drained of their blood and life, yet never to rise up as Vampires themselves. The most driven of alchemists, most of them Korindian, have long explored Vampiric physiology to try and determine what about their bite triggered transformation.

They discovered that, through a nigh invisible cavity at the tip of their main fangs (incisors) and the twitch of a muscle in their gums, a needle-like protrusion shot out. Further research revealed venom glands within the teeth themselves - a physical mystery yet to be comprehended that gave further credibility to the theory Vampires are divine beings. How else could solid teeth change shape and hollow out to accomodate a previously non-existing, apparently self-replenishing gland?

Experiments were conducted to understand the process of Vampiric transformation - of 'turning', as it became known; these were not all conclusive, as certain alchemists died when the newly made Vampires went berserk. From the few that were succesfully contained and observed, the alchemists derived theories. The greatest theory, which was proven true across the Empire, was the 'clean slate': the theory that, upon transformation, a Human's memory is wiped out. People across the lands had lost loved ones to vampirism, to later discover their loved ones no longer remembering them. Yet these new Vampires had retained quirks from their old lives, such as a love for animals or a particular food, down to fighting moves or a traveler's instinct to always pack a blade, just in case.

Another theory proven true was the 'predator switch': that a Human become Vampire developed new skills and even instincts during their metamorphosis. People missing for a few days were found again, as Vampires, with the strength to crush a man's skull when they'd barely been able to lift a blade before. How much a Human changed, however, was never defined; each individual seemed to undergo a different change, with only accrued strength and better sight in the dark being common among all Vampires. As well as the need to feed on blood.

Make no mistake: a Vampire can subsist on cooked meals alone. Some even enjoy the pleasures of great banquets, and thus perfectly blend into society. But eventually, they will need to feed on fresh blood. If they don't, they visibly age - like Humans naturally do. They become weaker, short-tempered, until such a time comes that Hunger blinds rationale and they attack the first wounded person crossing their path - oft leading to their demise. With the advent of madness-inducing Rosebleed and paralyzing toxins, Vampires lost their top-predatory spot in the foodchain.

Yet to this day, Vampires have yet to be eradicated. With Human history advancing ever further, it became clear that Vampires' lives could be long-lived - if not eternal, lest they encountered a 'fatal accident'. These Old Vampires are most feared of all, and easiest to recognize - there is no fear in their eyes, no fault in their stride, and have often the looks of aging adults while speaking in words laden with the sort of knowledge obtained through long experience. How long a Vampire truly can live is as-ot-yet an unknown that alchemists everywhere are keen to unravel.

* * *

And that is all for this week. I didn't really know where to start off, so I figured it'd make sense to delve a bit into the physical facts of Vampirism.

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next Sunday Special, same Blogger channel :D

Enjoying the world of Aeyuu?

Please consider Supporting me

on Ko-Fi or Liberapay.
Thank you ^^

The Grand Patreon Debacle

As you will probably know if you run into this post: Patreon has decided to change its business model and charge a Creator's Patrons the fees that said Creator was paying before. There's a massive uproar on Twitter, the Patreon Facebook page I'm on has gone strangely silent, and there are people who have lost their entire livelihoods in a couple of days.

A little about me for context's sake: I'm Belgian. I had to legally register as a company to even get to use Patreon; thankfully, Belgian laws are such that I paid nothing, and am paying nothing because my business is artistic and I'm not earning enough through it. As a Belgian, I pay 21% VAT; so a pledge of $1 made to someone else comes down to $1.21 for me. My four Patrons were friends and family based in Europe, so all had VAT (three of them at 21%), plus conversion fees - better for them, worse for me. But I had hopes and plans. And I still do.

If you haven't read the articles/essays/Twitter/Patreon blogs, here are the highlights - as I understand them, of course.

1. Creators will now take a whopping 95% earnings home, and fees they were previously charged are shifted onto Patrons. 2.9% + 0.35 cents will be applied.

It may not seem like much, until you get to the point where this will be applied per pledge; so if you're pledging to several Creators at once, you will be charged these fees for every single transaction.

A simple example: the one $1 pledge I had would now come to at least $1.60, while the Creator takes home 0.95 cents. Needless to say, I'll be supporting this artist through other means.

2. It has been said major research and experimenting has been done with Patrons and Creators to figure out this new business model, in their own blog. Fact: there are big players who openly said they never heard about any of this before it hit everyone - now, less than two weeks before changes will take effect (18 Dec). There are people whose livelihoods were destroyed, as people refuse to pay the extra fees. With the $1.60 I was facing for a $1 pledge, I can understand how they feel. And I had only one pledge to another Creator.

Now, the logic behind this change has been extensively debated wherever I've looked. On the one hand, people see it as a cash grab; on the other hand, it is logically explained through a change Patreon has been trying to implement for quite some time now: charge up front.

Charge up front is a beta option allowing you to, as the name suggests, charge new Patrons up front - a change requested by Creators due to what I'll call 'pledge ninjas': they come in, select a pledge level, download everything they want, and delete their pledge - effectively obtaining all content without paying a dime. the artist I was pledging to had it happen to him despite his work being early access, meaning it becomes available anyway to the public after a short while. So charge up front was the response, but it created another issue: people pledging at the end of the month, and being charged again at the beginning of the month, with the Creator feeling required to give a refund.

To fix this issue, they are now planning to have Patrons pay on the anniversary date of their subscription - meaning de-aggregated pledges, and thus more fees as every transaction becomes its own transaction, and no longer a bundled transaction as it is now. I have read so many Tweets of Creators wanting to keep this system that I truly do wonder who, exactly, their test subjects were for this change.

Which does give more credit to the thought Patreon changes its policy to gain more money. With its CEO having been contacted by phone by some Creators, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for now. As someone rightly said: you can hate a company, and still respect an individual - be they the head of the company. One Creator quoted the CEO as saying, 'we fucked up the roll-out'.

3. 'We fucked up the roll-out'. I, as many others, understand this as meaning they don't regret the changes they've implemented, despite the uproar, despite people losing their livelihoods. So, one can logically come to think it means the changes are necessary for the platform to keep existing, as I've seen some people say. Honestly, I don't know what marketing idiot would think it a great idea to roll out such a major change while warning people two weeks in advance, and during one of the busiest months of the year. I'm not marketing savvy and even I know this, in itself, is a major fuck-up. Which gives more credibility to Patreon not being there for profit, but being people who had an idea and tried their best to implement it and realize, sometime down the road, that it's not working well. With their reputation broken and people losing faith in them, I'm not sure how they'll be able to 'un-fuck' the roll-out.

But this is a painful reminder that nothing in this world is acquired. We are all at the mercy of changes such as these, and it is such a classic economic fail I've seen my own government do it. Need money => create more taxes => people buy less, so less profit! Perhaps the Patrons who stay will make up for those who leave.

My take on it is: let's wait until January 18th and every Patron finally knows how much extra they'll be paying. I predict more losses. I hope to be proven wrong.

4. There will 'likely' be changes as to how Creators can pay other Creators, namely in becoming unable to use their earnings to pay them - resulting in yet more fees. This is taken directly from the Patreon Community forums.

The last lines are self-explanatory. I have no idea what they mean by 'edge cases' or 'complexity to the payment system'; all I know is: extra Paypal fees.

5. 'We'd rather have our GMV (=gross merchandise volume) be made up of fewer, but truly life-changed creators rather than a lot of creators making a few dollars.'

Which basically means: small-time Creators are unwelcome in our new business model. The entire essay can be read here. I'll admit, I didn't understand all of it. So my attention rather went to the explanations of the Patreon staffer Raviv, who this statement belongs to.

The debate I've seen going on Twitter is: what does 'truly life-changed' mean? According to the article, 

Patreon's understanding of 'life-changed' is a specific, undisclosed number. To Creators whose life changed thanks to Patreon, this number relates to the fact whether they can buy groceries, pay bills, and even the rent if they're lucky. My life would already be changed with 400 to 500 € a month. I don't need a thousand or more: just enough to get food on the table and feel like I succeeded at the only job I'm able to do, and that is writing. Job opportunities are scarce here for 'unqualified' people (=people without a bachelor degree or experience in the branch they're applying for). With being trilingual, gifted with words (less so when I don't edit myself), capable to draw, to think, with a high desire to help others and fierce loyalty when I'm given a chance, all I get to hope for is working in retail because that's where my experience lies. And the cruel reality is: I hate retail; I love numbers, but I hate statistics, targets, forcing people to buy stuff they don't need and sometimes don't want. I hate retail. I broke my health working my last retail job at a supermarket. And I still have a bruise on my leg after two years. Every day, I am visibly reminded of how much I hate retail. So earning even €400 would be life-changing, because that'd mean not having to go back down that road.

But clearly this is not the sort of life-changing we are talking about. No one knows exactly what they mean. I'd love to know their definition of it.

Even if it makes sense from a business point of view; well, hey, those current 'life-changed' Creators started out small, themselves. They got there through their own dedication, their own hard work - Patreon is but an intermediary between fans and Creators. Patreon did not make them big - those people did it on their own.

6. Which leads me to their beloved Twitter catch-phrase 'We're getting artists paid'. I believe 'certain artists' would be more fair. Patreon has showcased itself as the place to be as Creator to earn a living; it's true that the big Creators on there somehow made it look easy - I, too, joined in the hopes of reaching these heights, and was sorely disappointed when I realized Patreon isn't the place to grow a following, that this had to be done off-site. So, I put the work in - perhaps not as much as I could've/should've, but I tried. Regular free updates, monthly story bundles, extra stories, Twitter, Facebook, I did what I could. And still would have, until I discovered I'm not the market they're catering to - anymore.

Here's the reality: with a push and a shove from higher up, people can get chances they'd never have gotten otherwise. Instead of breaking the little Creators, Patreon could and SHOULD have set in place a system that showcases the 'upcoming' Creators - small people like me who put in the work, do regular updates, try their hardest to get noticed. When you do regular updates for 8 months (beginning to end), chances are you're here to stay and trudge through the desert to reach that oasis.

And this could have resulted in more 'big' Creators, more fitting into that GMV. In the end, they were eitehr a beautiful dream, or charming hypocrites. Or a little bit of both. 

And that's all I wanted to say. In the meantime I've moved over to a donations site instead, Liberapay, and set up a Ko-Fi. I've asked my four Patrons to delete their pledges, I will be deleting my one pledge soon, and my page as well. I don't know what the future will hold. What I do know is that I won't have to watch my precious Patrons be hit with extra charges just to show their support.

And at the same time, I realized how little of my heart's goal I got done through Patreon and, let's face it, its paywall. I was so focused every month on getting things done for my Patrons that I failed on my goal to be read and enjoyed. Hence why I moved to a donations site. Plus, I like how they're set up, so we'll see what comes of it.

Now it's time to pull up them sleeves and make work again of everything I set out to do. 2018 will be good. But my heart goes out to everyone whose future is now uncertain because of Patreon's 'fuck-up'.

Sunday Special #19 – Vampires: an introduction

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Every Sunday I run a Special relating to my writing endeavours and the world of Aeyuu, which is the stage for many stories developed further through the Tales from Aeyuu Patreon. These Blogs are closely tied with my novel-to-be, The Age of Silence, which is basically a story about Love, Sacrifice, and Death.

Previous Special Arcs:
0. TAoS Themes (3 journals)
1. The Syrilae (7 journals)
2. The Necrolore (6 journals)
3. The Denumbra (2 journals)

Today we shall start a new topic relevant to Humanity: the Vampires.

A brief history

Since the advent of the imperial Sommerdiev line, with the first Emperor rising at the top of the food chain and claiming all individual countries as one big nation under his rule, Human society has evolved beyond what some believed nature, if not the Gods, had intended for them. Dissimilar countries united under one banner, trade and travel became more commonplace and safe, and with it networks of information sprang to life to corroborate the history of Humanity.

Yet it never became clear when the first Vampires made their entry into the world, nor whether the originals looked at all like Humans - or were originally Humans, as all contemporary Vampires are. It has been debated by many a scholar that Vampires were once a race unto their own, unable to reproduce, and that they somehow evolved into the parasitic predators known to mankind; less rational scholars have argued that such evolution is nothing but a scientific fallacy and that Vampires are a form of divine retribution for crimes committed by unscrupulous brethren; regular citizens view Vampires as nothing more or less than a plague that must be eradicated.

But all is not so simple to the people who have met Vampires up close and lived to tell the tale. A Vampire may be brutal just as it may be kind - it may kill just as it may help. Though they are as wild beasts when hungered, well-fed Vampires are nigh impossible to discern from the regular populace at first glance. Vampires may speak and smile and even laugh, their fangs may not always show - not until it is too late. Usually, by the time a Vampire has begun to socialize, it is already beyond too late.

Though at first glance not a recognizable trait by the common population, excessive strength is oft a telltale sign of vampirism. What is considered excessive may vary from person to person, one thing is certain: if an apparent Human is capable of easily blocking a blade with bare hands and not show a hint of fear, one ought to take all necessary precautions and aim to sever head from neck. That is the only proven way to kill a Vampire, as anything else will only drive it mad, and flesh wounds will heal in a matter of moments.

In the later years Humans have concocted new ways of detecting Vampires and getting rid of them. Alchemists developed a virulent poison called Rosebleed that affects a Vampire's blood flow. Once entered the bloodstream, a Vampire will go mad with artificial Hunger (a state of being that denotes immediate need for blood lest the Vampire goes berserk) and attack on sight anything in their path - Human or Vampire. Mercenaries and city guards have begun using Rosebleed to eradicate entire nests in one bloody go, with satisfactory success. Certain Vampires are capable of jugulating blinding Hunger to retain a tactical instinct; Rosebleed completely annihilates their thinking patterns and renders them vulnerable - from a tactical point of view. Hunger increases a Vampire's strength and speed. Often, Rosebleed is used in conjunction with unwilling bait.

But as information has spread across the lands, so have Vampiric numbers dwindled. Where once Vampires came to rule the Human lands as the ancient Elves had, Humanity regained the upper hand. The Vampires slowly faded from street view, but never truly disappeared. Though still predators, they adapted to their surroundings and started blending in - be it among the common populace, bands of mercenaries, or even among city guards.

Nowadays Vampires are no longer as feared as they are despised for what they are: diseased mockeries of Humanity - sub-Humans. With the advent of science, Vampires have become far easier to cripple and dispatch. As long as one gets the first blow in.

* * *

And that is all for this week. Thought I'd start us off with a global view, so I get an idea of where to go next :)

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next Sunday Special, same Blogger channel :D

Enjoying the world of Aeyuu?

Please consider Supporting me

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Sunday Special #18 – Denumbran myth, part 2

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Every Sunday I run a Special relating to my writing endeavours and the world of Aeyuu, which is the stage for many stories developed further through the Tales from Aeyuu Patreon. These Blogs are closely tied with my novel-to-be, The Age of Silence, which is basically a story about Love, Sacrifice, and Death.

Previous Special Arcs:
0. TAoS Themes (3 journals)
1. The Syrilae (7 journals)
2. The Necrolore (6 journals)

Today we delve again into one of the oldest topic of stories and myths on the continent of Aun: the Denumbra.

Nightmare

A favourite tale among young mothers and grandmothers alike who struggle to get unruly children to bed. Simple in its premise - a monster comes into the night to devour the children whole, this story has evolved over the centuries to depict the creature of nightmare (oft a formless shadow being) as being none other than the fabled Denumbra. Usually, it is followed up by another Denumbran myth, just to drive the idea home that children better behave or there will be consequences. Thus have most Denumbran myths survived over the millenia.

But fear of darkness is nothing new to the Humans; powerless creatures who have always lived in fear of the night, dreading their own kin. This fear only expanded once, so long ago that history never recorded it, the existence of the humanoid Vampires was confirmed. Yet, Humans kept using Nightmare stories to keep their children in line - perhaps because it is easier to frighten a child with something unseen, unknown, that can be shaped into anything the child most fears.

The Asylum

How this myth survived to this day is obscure at best - as is its origin. The reason for it is simple: there are no more asylums on Human lands.

Once a place to lock away the mad and the dissident alike, asylums slowly became obsolete after the apparition of the Vampires. Numerous bloody deaths, unpreventable by unarmed personnel, in time convinced Human society to convert their asylums into fortified prisons or, in certain larger cities, orphanages. With Human trade eventually branching out towards its neighbours and interspecies reproduction becoming a reprehensible reality, madness was no longer viewed as a mental disease but as a sign of latent power, rendering asylums not only obsolete but a a hazard to anyone working in its halls.

Yet in the north-eastern corner of the Human lands, around woodlands too dense and dark to be explored, subsists a myth that speaks of an asylum still in operation. A derelict place of madness, ruled by a phantom; and this belief exists because, from time to time, citizens of surrounding town and cities disappear, to be found weeks, months, even years later wandering the countryside. Maddened. No converging explanations have ever been obtained by these condemned individuals. Only the ravings of guilt that, one day, drove them insane.

The Wolf Revenant

A strange tale this one, oft subsisting among Human settlements that harbour Wyr individuals. These Wyr are the ones who speak of a 'revenant' - a creature of wolven form that smells like old death.

If anything, the Revenant is more of a cultural aspect of the Wyr population - as in, their own version of the Humans' Grim Reaper, which has led Humans familiar with the story of the Revenant to associate it with the Denumbra, as is the Grim Reaper itself. But according to certain sources, there might be more to the myth of the Wolf Revenant. In Korinda namely, the Wolf Revenant is perceived as a threat; a beast that, they believe, is the incarnation of all the innocents tortured and killed in the name of science... and of the Necrolore.

Pictured as a massive, skeletal wolf with disheveled and peeling fur, the Wolf Revenant remains a source of conjecture and fear for all sinners.

* * *

And that is all for this week. There's certainly more legends than these, but they're a good start. Next week I'll either switch to Vampires or Wyr (to stay on the Human lands topic). If you'd like to know about either one, let me know in the comments, and I'll switch to the topic with the most votes :)

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next Sunday Special, same Blogger channel :D

Enjoying the world of Aeyuu?

Please consider Supporting me

on Patreon. Thank you ^^

Sunday Special #17 – Denumbran myth, part 1

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Every Sunday I run a Special relating to my writing endeavours and the world of Aeyuu, which is the stage for many stories developed further through the Tales from Aeyuu Patreon. These Blogs are closely tied with my novel-to-be, The Age of Silence, which is basically a story about Love, Sacrifice, and Death.

Previous Special Arcs:
0. TAoS Themes (3 journals)
1. The Syrilae (7 journals)
2. The Necrolore (6 journals)

Today we shall delve into one of the oldest set of stories and myths on the continent of Aun: the Denumbra.

The Denumbra: origin myth

This myth finds its origin a long, long time ago, when Humans still were slaves to the mighty Elves of Aun. Legend narrates that, before the dawn of all life, there existed two great Goddesses who oversaw the world: Aeyin, purveyor of light and life, and Tenumbra, ruler of darkness and decay. These two divinities existed side by side for eternity, until a disagreement on the fate of the world pulled them in opposite directions.

After a long and arduous argument turned ferocious war, Aeyin, having gained the upper hand, slew Tenumbra and tore her limb for limb. In order for Tenumbra never to rise to power again, Aeyin granted sentience to Tenumbra's limbs and they became entities upon themselves: the Denumbra.

In subsequent Human folklore the link to Tenumbra was all but lost. The Denumbra became shadow creatures, monsters, eaters of unruly children and of unwary travelers. According to rumour, none who have ever met a Denumbra face to face has lived to tell the tale. But certain legends persisted through time and generations...

The Grim Reaper

Tales of the Reaper are numerous and disjointed; some picture Death as a scythe-wielding man, others grant him monstrous features hidden beneath a cape; yet others, namely in Korinda, speak of Death as being a woman clad in black who can kill a man with but a single touch. It is interesting to note that, in Elven lore, the Grim Reaper is a non-existent figure; to them, there is but one Death, and her name is Tenumbra, the deadly Goddess whose spirit is said to still haunt the lands.

There are numerous records of the Grim Reaper appearing to Humans, yet none were ever corroborated. Death is a legendary figure of tremendous power, the potential for its existence holding sway over Humans for generations. Many a Human has ever hoped to defeat Death itself - an endeavour that has led to the discovery of alchemy, and more.

The Witch of Hahel

No legend has persisted through the millenia as the story of the Witch of Hahel, who in certain stories is depicted as a many-tentacled monstrousity devouring innocent men, women and children. The town of Hahel was destroyed over five millenia ago, nothing but overgrown ruins remaining on lands that are still believed to be cursed. Surrounding cities carry on the myth of the Witch and celebrate her disappearance once a year.

Some stories tell of a mighty warrior who laid waste to the Witch's lair and cut her head off; others depict the Witch as an unnaturally beautiful seductress who swayed the townsmen into killing their own wives and children, and who was dispatched by women turning against her. The Witch is often depicted as a creature of shadow and feminine allure, for all stories tell a similar tale: that of men, lost to the Witch's beauty and the madness induced by her power.

To this day, women deemed of great beauty are sacrificed in those parts, lest the Witch return to lay waste to their communities.

The Devourer

One of the ghastlier legends - and the only one that may be more truth than myth. It has happened, over the centuries and more, that horribly mutilated male bodies were discovered in the most unexpected of places: inn rooms, tightly locked homes, whorehouses. No one heard them scream; no one noticed anything until the morning and their remains were discovered, shredded as though by a voracious nest of rodents.

The Devourer is often depicted as a grotesque humanoid whose head comprises of tentacles that are, in fact, leeches - long, worm-like creatures hailing from the old swamplands and that invaded most of the Human lands. These worm-like things may look like lost branches, but once they catch the scent of flesh, their bodies open up along their entire lengths to reveal rows upon rows of sharp little teeth - which is how the Devourer's tentacle-like 'face' is depicted as.

Despite proof of its existence, the Devourer has never been seen by anyone who survived to tell the tale.

* * *

And that is all for this week. I'll be doing a part 2 next week because I feel like writing up more legends ;)

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next Sunday Special, same Blogger channel :D

Enjoying the world of Aeyuu?

Please consider Supporting me

on Patreon. Thank you ^^

Sunday Special #16 – Beyond Death

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Every Sunday I run a Special relating to my writing endeavours and the world of Aeyuu, which is the stage for many stories developed further through the Tales from Aeyuu Patreon. These Blogs are closely tied with my novel-to-be, The Age of Silence, which is basically a story about Love, Sacrifice, and Death.

Previous Special Arcs:
0. TAoS Themes (3 journals)
1. The Syrilae (7 journals)

Today we'll conclude this deep dive into the darkest part of Aeyuu by trying to explain what the Necrolore is, and how it works.

The Necrolore

Though not one Necrolorian would deny the established fact that the Necrolore, the power that has given them their names, is of otherworldly origin, none truly is certain what the Necrolore is. The simplest explanation is that the Necrolore is a form of magic, born from the Spirit Realm - the world of deceased souls only accessible to those of the Lore.

But certainty crumbled once it was discovered that the power of the Necrolore was so intense that it affected native spellcasters such as elves adversely, in some cases killing the caster. Powerful Necrolorian taught their followers that the Necrolore didn't equal the living's magic: it surpassed magic. Or rather, it devoured magic, and all that relied on it.

Since then, conjecture has it that the Necrolore isn't quite some form of magic, but something alive - ironcially speaking. A nonsentient entity of sorts, itself created from the God Thaene that is the source of all Necrolorian power. Whether truth or myth, fact has it that the Necrolore feeds on magic and all who are native spellcasters.

Death control: Curses

So has the understanding of 'curses' evolved along the way. What once Necrolorians believed to be magic encroaching on the fabric of life turned out to be, with every experiment, the Necrolore acting as a parasite upon another's life force - upon their soul. The power and result of these curses varied greatly, as no Necrolorian was the same. Certain curses turned sight into blindness, others enfeebled flesh until paralysis; others yet gangrened the heart until its owner died from the inside. More powerful Necrolorian could ensnare objects that would release a curse upon vicinity or contact, up to triggering the awakening of a Necromant to protect a Necrolorian's lair.

Yet no amount of power could protect the greedy and tyrannical from being struck down by the very magic they revered. Curses would backfire and ensnare their casters, Necromants turn feral and devour their masters. Some attributed these abrupt reversals as curses themselves; and no one would have dared even think that the Necrolore itself might decide who lives and dies.

But several centuries ago, this unspoken fear faded away and was replaced by a far clearer rumour threatening their way of life.

It was said, in hushed circles, that the Children of the Dead Goddess had started hunting down Necrolorian and Necromancers alike.

Legend and myth: the Children of the Dead Goddess

These entities - the Denumbra, as they were called in common Human folklore - were never seen or heard of, believed by the entire continent of Aun to be mere legend; stories told by tired parents, of hideous monsters lurking in the dark that ate unruly children for breakfast. Ancient myth of elven descent, speaking of the timeless Goddess of Death Tenumbra and the Goddess of Life Aeyin, one who destroyed the other in a battle of cataclysmic proportions.

A myth that the Necrolorian begun to believe when rumours started spreading of a dark-haired woman, clad in black, shredding Necromants with an oversized scythe. Humans called her the Grim Reaper - Death. Something that she could not be, for Death lied within the Necrolore.

Yet rumours persist to this day, even though this Grim Reaper has officially not been sighted for the past two centuries. Other rumours exist to this day, most notably of Necrolorians found shredded as though by thousands of tiny, sharp teeth...

* * *

And thus is concluded the Necrolorian act, with a small Denumbran one following. I obviously have ideas where to go with it without telling too much ;)

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next Sunday Special, same Blogger channel :D

Enjoying the world of Aeyuu?

Please consider Supporting me

on Patreon. Thank you ^^

Denumbran dream

I got up pretty late this morning simply because I didn't want to relinquish that dreamworld @.@

It's gotta be when I'm working on a different world that my main characters pop up in my dreams - which is so rare an occurrance I just gotta write up this dream for posterity's sake. I's like, 3 pm and I still remember it pretty clearly. Hours later, I just wanna dive back in @.@

I dreamt about my Denumbra (which I'll actually be briefly talking about for next week's Special ;) so sorry if the names mean nothing to whomever might read this <<). Everything was happening in this large building that seemed like a place of business gatherings. Lots and lots of windows, no exits (none I saw anyway). And things started happening. If I recall, the first weird thing that happened is that Zool disappeared (which actually happens on Aeyuu). And then the atmosphere got more oppressive, like we'd lost an important element, and the only thing that popped into my mind was to get more Denumbra over to basically protect people cuz we were with LOTS of people going about their businesses.

So I had Ine appear (pretty close to how I envision her, like a mischievous girl), then it was Kaheesh (who looked like a tan and dreaded older woman, pretty nice - totally not how she really is XD), and even got Leilani (who did have her trademark red hair, but she was chubbier than her real counterpart XD). I even remember talking to Ine about another Denumbran character whom I've been debating the existence with myself - basically, I talked in-dream to my fictitious character about the existence of another fictitious character cuz I figured: well, she'd know whether she's real or not. And to me it made perfect sense to do that XD

The cool thing in that dream is that I had telekinetic powers, one I often have in such adventurous dreams << I remember pulling curtains with the power of my braaaaiiiin.

And then I remember petting a cat. Our car, whose been missing for nearly five years now. Looked exactly as he did when he was still with us. I pet that cat like crazy cuz I was so happy to see him again. He wasn't alone in that room (again a lagr, windowed room), with many other cats, even a dog, all who'd been visibly abused (I remember the dog missing a patch of fur, and its skin in that spot :/ and one cat was black and green and stressed, like he'd been sprayed with a can). Eventually our cat left, and after that the dream started to end.

And it was 11:06 am. And hours later, I'm still seeing my Denumbran buddies very clearly. ;.;

I love character dreams. I have 'em maybe once every blue moon, but I love it when they happen ;.;

Hello Darkness my old friend - The Vicious Cycle

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Spoilers: this will likely be more of a rambling/venting post than anything else. But, at some point, you need to let the darkness out so you can start seeing clearly again.

These past few weeks - ever since I got sick mid-August, which lasted nearly two months - I've felt my energy drain away, little by little. Until I reached the point where, yes, I guess I should admit I am depressed; but depressed is such a strong word, and I remember what being depressed truly is, that I can't exactly use it. In French we'd rather call it a 'déprime' - a moment of blues, where nothing seems to go well, and you come to doubt whether things ever will pick up.

I'll admit: after months of starting the Patreon and nothing there having moved for a while, I feel demotivated. Being unemployed and having to seek out jobs is highly stressful. Now, getting nowhere with my writing is making me feel hollow and like I'm betting on the wrong horse.

But I still try and keep going, because I know there is no other path for me out there. This is it. It's make or break, and I intend on making it. I don't know how or when. But, at this time, it's gotten difficult, even impossible, to shut out the fear and uncertainties and my flight reflex is just being overly strong.

I've recently helped out a dear friend by filling out a questionnaire about her, and her global reply was: it's like you're in my head. I'm pretty good at insight, at understanding people, listening, observing, and putting myself in their shoes.

It's a whole other issue to do so for myself. Not that it's hard; it's just that it's painful to look at your own shortcomings. And to own up to them. I hate feeling vulnerable.

But I did so nonetheless. Because I'm tired of feeling at a standstill in the mud. Because I'm afraid of the feeling that I'm, again, watching life pass me by.

Here's the thing: I pinpointed something earlier today about my own behaviour. Something I noticed when, after telling bf that my NaNoWriMo project might not be publishable due to its themes. He got slightly upset; he's been waiting for me to publish something so I can get myself on the literary map. But I don't feel as upset about it as he. In fact, I think I feel comfortable with the idea of staying in the dark. I'm self-sabotaging. Out of fear.

Perhaps I'm afraid not to be successful and that it'd be too hard a blow to endure. But perhaps I'm rather afraid of ever being successful, because I really don't want to stand in any spotlight. What better way to sabotage your chances than by avoiding doing things that could potentially get you further along the road you wish to take?

I do wonder if it has anything to do with getting bullied into social phobia when I was a kid. And I mean the sort of phobia that makes it impossible for you to even talk to storepeople or ask a question because you immediately feel all eyes upon you and like people are judging you for whatever reason. I'm afraid of the spotlight. I don't want to risk standing there.

But how, then, do I intend on being a successful writer? I guess I don't. That's the only logical conclusion. I know writing is all I truly can do, all I care about, and at the same time I plan on wasting my talent on... what? I don't even know. Doing nothing, I guess. Just watching life pass by and cry over it while it's passing.

Even seeing this vicious cycle with clarity, I can still not quite muster the desire to defeat it.

I've long ago understood that you can't defeat your inner darkness, only befriend it and accept it will always be with you. It's why I've started doing more things Death-related, including booting up a  still-emtpy Facebook page: Death, transformation; what is obsolete must be weeded out, so something new can grow. Death goes had in hand with melancholy. There's a reason I write tragedy almost naturally.

But when the darkness is all you can see, all you expect, despite the experience that after the rain does come a rainbow, what do you do? Do you persist? Do you give up? Do you walk through the days without an umbrella and complain to yourself that the rain's getting you wet?

I've been thinking recently that, to reduce some stress, I should lower the Patreon reward levels. My heart told me right there: if you do that, you're essentially giving yourself permission to quit everything. And as crappy as I feel, I don't want to give up. I've given up writing for too long to the profit of outside work. I can't do this again.

But what, then? How do you get yourself back on track? I honestly don't know. For me, it goes through writing, always. Posts like these are what help me put things in perspective, and having them be public makes me feel like people are listening - and perhaps recognizing themselves and their struggles. Perhaps the trick isn't so much getting yourself back on track, as it is to get off the track entirely and take that desperately needed stroll through new lands.

I wish I knew how to stop sabotaging myself, though. I don't know how to stop being afraid of success, when success should be exactly what I try and achieve. I want to be read and enjoyed - that's my main motto, that's what I'll stand for. But at the same time this motto is as positive as it is negative - being read and enjoyed can also mean that only one person reads you, and taking satisfaction in that. Maybe I don't think I'm good enough (true); maybe I'm seeing the wall to climb before getting anywhere and thinking I can't make it so why try (true); maybe it's just easier to look at things rationally and financially and, since writing isn't quite happening lately, believe that I'm not capable of it long-term (true). I don't know. What I do know is that I've now reached the point of self-frustration. Something needs to change.

Really hoping NaNoWriMo brings about something good for me. I've got a real good idea lined up (because let's have some ego, we need it). It's gotten me excited. I get to write about Death. A different Death than the one I'm used to. It's gonna be awesome.

If, of course, I can stop self-sabotaging and telling myself, once I open Word, that I can't do this.

Sunday Special #15 – Terms of the Necrolore

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Every Sunday I run a Special relating to my writing endeavours and the world of Aeyuu, which is the stage for many stories developed further through the Tales from Aeyuu Patreon. These Blogs are closely tied with my novel-to-be, The Age of Silence, which is basically a story about Love, Sacrifice, and Death.

Previous Special Arcs:
0. TAoS Themes (3 journals)
1. The Syrilae (7 journals)

Today we'll delve yet further into the darkest side of the world of Aeyuu that is the Necrolore, and explore its terminology.

Foreword: of Necrolorians and Necromancers

Few are the Humans, outside of the country of Korinda or beyond its neighbouring cities, who know of the Necrolore. Rumours of the walking dead, of people dying without cause or reason, have always been a part of Human myth, and easily explained away: people wearing disguises of bones; heart attacks. As science evolved among Humanity, so did myth get relegated to downright falsehoods.

Even among Korindians, knowledge of the Necrolore is largely built on rumour and hear-say. Walking dead, curses, unnatural fiends - nothing is truly certain, and what is witnessed in truth is denied existence for the Korindians believe that to speak of the Necrolore is to invite it inside your home. 'Death listens and answers', is the Korindians most uttered proverb. No one truly knows what it entails.

And the greatest misunderstanding is that followers of the Necrolore are all Necromancers. It is commonly believed that all followers are dead beings, but such is not the case. Those whom they call Necromancers are beings still alive, who call themselves Necrolorians - they of the lore. Necromancers are beings of death, hollow, within which subsists a desecrated Human soul. Necrolorians only differ from other Humans by the power they have learned to harness, by their body degenerating, gangrening, while they are still alive, while suffering no hindrance. By their living nature they may even be more dangerous than Necromancers, for they still know greed.

Death control: Necromants

As were all terms within the Necrolore, Necrolorians coined this word to define an organic construct given sentience. Even amid these creations exists a hierarchy that is best not ignored.

Most commonly, the Necromants encountered will be Necronomes - Necromants gone feral after disposing of their master. Necromants, often built with Human anatomy and a bestial head, are powerful entities not easily restrained. A Necronome is a lethal predator, nigh unstoppable for it is already dead, that will only yield to a being more powerful than itself - often a Necromancer, who, like them, dwell within the realm beyond. Such servile Necromants have been nicknamed Necrolytes. Necrolorian know of their existence, or at least are usually wise enough to realize Necromancers would wield far greater power than themselves... and, in some circles, it is even believed that Necrolytes have been known to dispose of rogue Necrolorian.

To none but the most powerful or the cursed, another type of Necromant has been rumoured to appear. These beings, called Necrites, are said to be as ghosts, with the major difference that they were never alive. Legend calls them 'Death's Pack', spirits that pursue threats and traitors alike like ravenous wolves. Whether truth or myth, the Pack is feared by the Necrolorian; but none do they fear as greatly as the Ana'Thaene.

Legend and myth: Thaene and the Ana'Thaene

Thaene is the name by which the Necrolorian know what they call the God of the Dead, a being that is said to live in the realm beyond, that is the source of their power. The Ana'Thaene is, depending on whom is asked, akin to Thaene's child, or its fleshen avatar. These creatures of myth are part of an ancient legend that speaks of Thaene's arrival in the world of the living, of the world of peace that he will create once all that exists now is purged, and the Ana'Thaene will be its door into the world.

Needless to say, this myth is taken very seriously by all Necrolorians - even by those who do not believe. The Korindian saying, 'Death listens and answers', is more than enough reason to not openly denigrate a belief system that, if true, has brought the Necrolorian far more power than they could ever have dreamed of. The Necrolore is the magic of the magicless, power for the powerless, as the Ana'Thaene of myth is the flesh of that which is fleshless.

* * *

And there's still a bit to talk about, so I'll be keeping that for next week! Still want to expand on the Necrolore in itself, the power it grants, and then I'll be (subtly) leading us towards the next subject... :)

Randomly, this is like just in time for Halloween. XD

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next Sunday Special, same Blogger channel :D

Enjoying the world of Aeyuu?

Please consider Supporting me

on Patreon. Thank you ^^