It's been a busy week for me: practicing car parking, celebrating holidays, checking out MTG cards after what seems like years of neglect... I've got my driver's exam on Friday. Chances are I'm not going to do much of anything until then, though I did start writing chapter 2 of TAoS last week and plan to try and finish it this week. I also haven't gotten any reply from my writer friend (who seems not to have been on DA for a week!), so I had to make the decision to resign from being a critic for his novel. I actually postponed it for a week to give him time to talk to me, but it never happened. It saddens me greatly; at the same time, I can't spend hours on critiquing a story when I know beforehand my efforts won't be appreciated in the least. I can't work that way. Time is the most precious resource I possess, and the greatest gift you can receive from me: if you're going to waste my gift, you're simply not going to receive it.
This said, and to move away from the negative things of life: things are going well right now. My shoulder still hurts from overexerting it for over a year, my leg's still bruised from December (yes you read that right), and I'm as happy a camper as I can be because I feel like I'm going forward in life. Starting to share my stories was the best idea I've had creatively speaking; it forces me to try and write the best story I can, and through ProjectComment I manage to get some precious feedback to improve further. I won't be sharing fully finished chapters of the story, but drafts that will eventually get a further life of their own. For now, defeating my own fear of sharing stuff because I'm not sure it's accurate/my English isn't good enough is, in itself, an achievement to be proud of. I am proud of me. Just a little annoyed that, sometimes, I feel like I am The Destroyer: wherever I go, what has to break will get broken. Whether it's really the case is anyone's guess XD I just have the theories.
And speaking of destroyers: it's time for this month's origin story :D
Kooga: Origin Story
To understand how he was born (literally and figuratively), I have to explain a bit about his mother Kassandra. I'll warn you now: this may get very ugly, as she is the single most horrible character I have. She's a murderer, especially of children, who hates her own flesh and blood with such obsession that she's made his life a living hell. With this, you are warned, and may read on at your own risks <<
A long time ago I had a Vampire roleplay character named Nocturna who I had commit suicide. Why I did that remains uncertain to this day: I do believe it had everything to do with my depression at the time, as some form of symbolic death. I don't remember the character's personality - heck, I think she was a most basic extension of me, which makes the symbolism even more profound. Maybe I'd just wanted to 'kill' a part of me, the part that had suffered... And then I created Kassandra - whom, I'm certain, played a part in one of my friendships dying after several years. I was no longer the person suffering: I was the person with the character making everybody else suffer; and Kassandra took/takes great pleasure in causing pain.
Her backstory evolved a lot since those days: back then her childhood involved a horrible father who mistreated her... This backstory evolved to Kassandra being a horrible human being in her own right, be this fact influenced by an outside force no one had any control over. Her father was, surprisingly, a good enough man despite making some terrible choices. He was loved, and loved in return - and died at the hands of another man, Devon (whom I've talked about previously), whose jealousy took one day a turn for the worst. All that changed with the backstory is Kassandra's father own personality, which I discovered was far kinder than I ever believed. All the rest remained the same. It actually makes her childhood even more tragic, because she's ultimately the one who chose a life of 'evil'.
Cue a long time later, many events later: Kassandra is a Vampire, which enhanced her need for murder. She hates people, she especially hates little children and never misses an opportunity to kill them; but she also yearns for intimacy, in the simplest of forms: to be cared about. Vampires forget their previous lives, but something always remains of it: in Kassandra's case, it was a hatred of life, of herself, of others, and the forgotten affection of a father she lost at too young an age, in too brutally a fashion. Sometimes need becomes too great and it takes just the right type of personality to crack her shell somewhat... which, one unexpected day, led to a pregnancy. And that's where Kooga enters the scene.
Back in the roleplay days I had Kooga be born (in a far more brutal way that currently) because it was a logical follow-up to way too extensive obsessive behaviour on my part with one of my former friend's characters. Way massive obsession. I planted my teeth in that character and never wanted to let go (and I feel so sorry for that friend for having to cater to me way back when... like I said, it certainly all played a part in the friendship one day dying, since things evolved where my friend basically acted in the same way I did in those days). And then I obsessed on Kooga. I had his personality pretty well defined, surprisingly enough, and what little changed is that the father is different, and that he's not quite the force of evil his mother is. Basically everything built in those days disappeared (some of which I felt sad to alter because I did find him a great place to live back in those days, and he was somewhat happy D: ), and I discovered more about him. He's become a full-fledged character despite his young age - one I desperately wish to give a better life to, but I doubt fate will be so kind.
Kooga is one of my favorite characters. He's the one that triggers my maternal instinct: I just want to protect him from everything, from the world, from himself... yet I know I can't. I just love that kid so much because, despite how awful he appears, I know he's got a really good heart... He just barely gets a chance to show it, as life keeps on tossing issues his way that allow for but one response: anger; rage; destruction. And he's got the power to break the world apart. He's a key character in TAoS, one which I intend to write about in perhaps chapter 3 because I think it will enhance the story in the long run to show him and what I hope will be one of his better days. There's so much I want to say about him... But, more than anything, I just want to hug him forever.
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