31/05

Today's bad: discovered that a person I follow on DA, who is suicidal and has attempted numerous times on her life, deactivated her account with a final journal promising she'd return - unless her last attempt got her so weak that, this time, she wouldn't make it through.

30/05 - Weekend!

Today's bad: thougt I'd lost my scooter's chainlock e.e I need to get its internal system fixed.

Today's good: breakfast in bed, chill workday, day off tomorrow. :)

Note to Future Self: and we're blanking out.

29/05 - Well played

Today's bad: sooooo there's indeed tension at work <<

Today's good: I got spoiled ^_________________^ Anne Stokes puzzle, awesome bat beanie plushie, Zelda mug (with a flaw, but who cares!), Hello Kitty phone sleeve (why yes I am 34 << ), and the second Hunger Games at last e.e and the kitties got a transport box and a circle toy with little balls. I iz happy kitty too ^______________^ yes, getting spoiled by your parents feels awesome, at any age :) (especially when all you were going to look for, as we needed a second kitty transporter by evening, was uh yeah, a transporter. XD)

No writing today alas! Sunday will have to be a good day.

Note to Future Self: material girl.

28/05 - And we breathe

Today's bad: got woken up this morning by bf when he got up. Then I fell asleep again. XD

Today's good: bit of pre-work writing going on. Incidentally, since I started being creative again I've been sleeping quite well. Proof upon proof that if I refrain from being creative due to life, I die. Ugh, I'm working five days next week e.e thankfully, only two early shifts, well-placed (first and fourth day).

Simultaniety is difficult to portray .________.

I wonder where life's going. I have a bit of a gnawing feeling that something's happening at work, be it only that emotions and frustrations are getting high. Perhaps it's just the fact that our manager has two (well-deserved) weeks off and that it's difficult for the assistants to fill his shoes (which I suppose is what happens when people are forced into responsabilities they never wanted). But, I get well along with everyone; I care about colleagues, always (lest they're the devil like I once experienced). I feel nervous, but it's not my own emotions; I just happen to be a sponge. But I learned, from letting go of the fear of death, how to no longer make those emotions my own (or, too much, anyway). I feel as though I've been granted a step forward in life, another learning experience that will be invaluable for the next step. Whenever it's bound to happen. Perhaps sooner than I expect (but then, what do I expect?).

But then, perhaps it's just that the frustrations in this country have grown high, as well, and something's about to burst. With good reason. I often wish I could just go up to those ministers and slap the idiocy out of their brains. Not a one is interested in the future; not a one is working towards that. All they see is their own navel, and the power in their hands. Squeeze squeeze squeeze the little man. Drive people into poverty, depression, death. Destroy the future for us all. They're goddamn good at that.

Yes, I'm sour. Everytime I watch the news, I get more sour. This country literally, and figuratively, doesn't speak the same language. Blaming the blameless and praising the sinners.

Give me a fucking break.

Note to Future Self: *applause*

27/05 - Games and words

Today's bad: hmm, I guess starting a bit too late to write, but...

Today's good: playing some Diablo 3 did wonders ^^ apparently theer's been a new patch, they changed certain things for the better, and I finally leveled up my Demon Hunter to 70 e.e three more to go! I tried enroling for their Season 3 because the pennant you can win is stunning, but... Season's definitely geared towards people with LOTS AND LOTS of time on their hands. And a 'professionnal' understanding of the game. So, I gave up on that quick like sand <<

Note to Future Self: chill good.

26/06 - >:|

Today's bad: I only worked for 4 hours, but somehow I managed to work the day a very haughty customer came at the register and demanded I accept coupons for which she did not purchase the items - and which my colleagues allegedly did accept. Which is a fight you'll never win with me. I got very pissed and had my supervisor deal with her, and was very pleased she told me I was right to not accept them. That woman made me so angry I could've cried. >:|

Today's good: aside from a visit from the parents at work and then at home, they found me some adhesive red velvet with which I decorated the Tv furniture. :D

It used to be beige, now it's all pritty and soft :D

Note to Future Self: and then we moved on.

25/05 - Itsy bitsy

Today's bad: though I slept better, I'm still so very tired. Thinking of going to bed now and do some Long War reading.

Today's good: worked a little bit on my doll's hair. For the record, this doll has been in the making since 2008. I'm too lazy for a pic.

Note to Future Self: yoj cabt type. Go sleep.

24/05 - Omfg YES

Today's bad: can you guess it? Yup, I slept like crap again! And it doesn't look like tonight will be any better.

Today's good: after hi-jacking my mother-in-law's ipad for several hours to play Cooking fever (seriously addicted), I thought to check the app store out of curiosity and OMG it's out on Android so totally downloaded gonna play now kthxby.

Note to Future Self: sigh.

23/05 - Chill

Today's bad: not warm or sunny enough to read in the yard e.e pfff.

Today's good: slept for about 12 hours; watched a good B-movie; played some Persona Q and finally getting the hang of it (once I'd read it's Etrian Odyssey-like, I understood why it was so hard compared to the original games XD and why the dungeon-mapping looked so familiar!); now got the PC on to do some writing, which couldn't happen yesterday much because tired. I'd written a bit, to realize I was way off with the character's (re)actions, so I'd given up. Now, I plan to go recitfy that, as I'm FINALLY nearing the pivotal moment I've been waiting for X3

Note to Future Self: stop typing here, go typing there.

22/05 - @#!

Today's bad: couldn't sleep! Again! Until somewhere around 2 AM! And it seems like a few of my colleagues have the same problem. And apparently, I slept through an earthquake in the UK that could be felt here. Bf got woken; me, I slept.

Today's good: the nice thing at work is that, sometimes, I get to spoil myself a little, food-wise.

Yes, it was delicious. And yes, it's a pretty full tray.

All that for €3. Colour me satisfied ^____________^ (albeit so goddamn tired).

Oh, and, we played some badminton in the yard, and lost the feather several times to the cat. XD

Note to Future Self: seriously, need sleep. ._____.

21/05 - Ew

Today's bad: slept like crap. Thank goodness I have the late shift.

Today's good(?): found a dead tick on the living room floor, squished. As disgusting as the thought is that one of us walked on it, I'm quite content it's dead. And to know that full ticks can't really survive indoors, as it's the second time I find a dead one in here. ... pretty sure the spiders would eat it alive, anyway <<

Note to Future Self: yes it isn't fun to remove ticks from a cat, but it better be done to avoid that -.o

20/05 - Type type type

Today's bad: woke up with a stiff left arm. Got a bit worse, then it got better. Good to go tomorrow, methinks.

Today's good: I seem to have reconnected with my world. The writing's going well. Fact is, I decided to give up on a scene I'd written and wanted to keep, and wrote something different that feels more right. With changing a very important factor in Isaru's life, I had to re-think basically everything as that change made her a different person. Yay for creativity *thumbs up*

Also, I really love creating new characters. I like to change PoVs rather frequently: it keeps things fresh, and allows for a character to be seen in a different light. I'm very interested in the psychological aspect of character creation :)

Also: chit-chat. Fun fun fun. XD

Note to Future Self: one step at a time.

19/05 - Thought

Today's bad: I got thinking.

Today's good: I get typing.

Which is hard after several weeks of keyboard silence. Work got a bit too intrusive, a bit too heavy, and I went into survival mode - which drastically cuts back on all creative processes. Even now, I'm not sure I want to be creative, while I know all too well that if I don't, I die. And I got thinking about life after getting pissed at myself for whining about past events. Then, I got thinking about the future.

I have a pretty good idea of where I'm heading. With this job in hands, I took a road for which there's no return. It's the one I'm supposed to be following, and the one I've asked for. My life's path, I suppose.

However, I'm not too clear on side projects - by which I mean, endeavours like art, and the book I want to write. Is it supposed to happen? Is it not? It seems to not be tied in with my life's path, therefore its completion is akin to a loose end. The problem is that I find little to no motivation to write, as I'm not being read. I need readers. I need enjoyers. I don't care in the least in being a 'famed' published author (though it'd be cool), just an appreciated one. I don't even want to make money off of it one day. It's not important. It was never important. What is important, is the message(s). It's the battle of humanity: the will to live, and the urge to die, and all the choices inbetween. It's one person's struggle to not lose themselves while their life falls to dust. It's so many things. And this, in itself, is important. Maybe that's what I forgot a bit while forcing myself to cover Isaru's story: what the characters want, and need to say - what I need to say. Or, rather, what I need to live. If I can grant myself the acknowledgement of one talent, it's the one to live many lives and learn from each, as I have done for over a decade.

Anyway. Let's see if I can get some story typing in.

Note to Future Self: she hath returned, for how long, we shall learn.

18/05 - 90th post ?!

I've been doing this for basically three months. Pretty amazing for someone who sucks at persevering XD

Today's bad: so very goddamn tired .______. I fell asleep, and by which I mean deep restorative sleep, around 4AM. And got up at 5.30 cuz heeyyyyyy, work. .__________________. so damn tired.

Today's good: bought pizza at 50% off :O

Also, a good friend of mine sent me a text saying we need to hook up sometime ^^ this is worth mentioning because he's a really good friend - the one you can trust your life to. So, looking forward to that! :D haven't seen him or his girlfriend in like, forever. 's really been too long.

Note to Future Self: money cards, always back in the wallet. e.e

17/05 - Day off #3

Today's bad: I guess not doing as much as I'd expected.

Today's good: feeling well-rested and de-stressed, got some Heros 6 in, enjoyed some sunlight outside, and I've got one day of work tomorrow and then I'm two days home again ^^

Note to Future Self: chillin'. Yup.

Late 16/05 - Bad habits

The day's bad: remembered too late that I hadn't written my blog yet. I realize it's becoming a bad habit of mine to write these late. It's one of those times where I just don't care enough.

The day's good: dishwasher got installed and works great, watch Heaven is for Real - which isn't too bad, but doesn't tell me anything new (hence why it ranks as 'meh'). Hoping the book'll be better.

Note to Future Self: need a change of habits.

15/05 - Day off #1

Today's bad: I hurt my neck and back while trying to use a very old ab cruncher thingy that rolls you up. It does not do its job well >:/

Today's good: lessee... we cleaned up the house some, installed a led strip behind the Tv, I salvaged a frame to hang up a puzzle, and am enjoying a makeshift Irish coffee cuz damn does my throat hurt. No creativity yet, but I didn't expect it today. Most importantly, I need to disconnect from everything to recharge my batteries.

Note to Future Self: feels just like a vacation.

Late 13 & 14/05 - Blur

The days' bad: so very tired, so very frustrated, lived to get to the weekend off.

The days' good: most notable was on the 14th, when I and another coworker got compliments from the manager for getting our work done so well, and our efficient teamwork. And, I got them both laughing XD my morning was good.

Note to Future Self: on ne lache rien.

12/05 - Time

Today's bad: short on time at work. Couldn't finish everything.

Today's good: an English customer tave me a compliment on my English, saying it has an 'American thwang' to it. I told him it's because I have American friends, and movies XD

Note to Future Self: 's good enough.

11/05 - Sleepy

Today's bad: see title.

Today's good: we'll be going dishwasher shopping in a few.

Note to Future Self: nope

Late 10/05 - Birthday

The day's bad: not being able to rest much, I guess.

The day's good: a birthday well celebrated :) finished my secret Dragon stitch project in time, found a frame in time, and it was loved. And we ate well. All round good day.

Note to Future Self: everything's possible.

09/05 - Win

Today's bad: hint of migraine.

Today's good: finished my cross-stitch project ^^ and I received a gorgeous kitty shopping bag from a customer because I mentioned how lovely her bag was ;.; that was so amazing I nearly cried.

Note to Future Self: diligence and perseverance win.

08/05 - Uh oh

Today's bad: so we kinda broke the dishwasher by falling on it. We're fine, the dishes are fine, the mood sorta died, and so did the washer. At least, we can't close the door anymore, as that's what we fell on. Hoping we can fix it. Although, it's not the first thing in it that breaks, so maybe it's a sign we need a new one. We don't know how old the thing is, and its cleaning's getting worse. But. Moneys. ;.;

Today's good: getting along with my safety shoes. Also, cheap Nutella. And cocktail. And, yeah. Not breaking a bone I guess? XD or any of the dishes! Or, y'know, bf's fine too XD; seriously, we're so damn lucky all we did was break the washer's door. XD

Note to Future Self: you're both idiots. Happy idiots, but idiots nonetheless.

Late 07/05 - N/A

The day's bad: I remembered about the blog when I had to go to bed. Bed won.

The day's good: Persona Q :D I'm so hooked on the 3/4, of course I had to have the crossover. And it's fun ^^ and my 3DS seems to have fixed itself, I hope.

Note to Future Self: none.

06/05 - Long quiet day

Today's bad: feeling sick. Likely a cold. Woke up at 4.40 last night due to cramps.

Today's good: aside from getting some food to fill the fridge ;), I'm home alone and took the opportunity to make myself a light meal: nice little marinated steak and a heap of vegetables. It was yummy yummy.

... and I have some cake left for sometime soon. << XD so much for light!

Note to Future Self: go baby go, you'll make it! :D

05/05 - Painful feet

Today's bad: my feet hurt. The metal in the safety shoes at work is just a tad too tight, which squeezes my feet, which make it hard to walk eventually.

Today's good: bought cake at 50% off. And pizza at 20. I'm so gonna get fat XD

Note to Future Self: brain fried.

04/05 - And we stitch :D

Today's bad: got my safety shoes at work. The left one squeezes my foot a bit, which ended up hurting. Yay for having two feet of differing sizes -.-

Today's good: lotsa time to stitch! And bf's not home tonight, so even more time to stitch ^^

Note to Future Self: nope.

Late 03/05 - Why does it rain...

The day's bad: flea market got drowned big time. We went to help my mother-in-law, and we ended up cleaning up by 2pm. Rain, rain, rain, dear gods rain.

The day's good: we got home round 3.30 and still got to enjoy our afternoon :) started a new stitching project. It's been a while.

Note to Future Self: nothing really.

02/05 - Up and down

Today's bad: feeling fat. Had a Chicken Cajun. Nyum. e.e

Today's good: lost weight! Specifically, fat around the thighs. I fit into pants I adore and haven't worn in 5 years because fat. Woohoo. ^^

Note to Future Self: queen of last minute ideas. -.-

01/05 - En mai, fais ce qu'il te plait

Today's bad: let's just say a problem will have to be solved.

Today's good: did some writing, figured out how to go forward late in the afternoon, hoping to pick the thread back up tomorrow. Also been fiddling with Manga Studio 5 a bit, I think I'll be purchasing it. Really liking their brushes and ease of use.

Not liking the €28 shipping fee for a physical copy though. Digital it is. XD

Note to Future Self: grant yourself the tools of creation. You can afford it.