Starting the figurative New Year

Hello all. My name's Isabelle, usually called Isa or Issy, also known as Nocturnaliss on various sites such as Deviantart. 34 years old at this time and feeling like 24, gamer since I first got a Commodore 64 at around age 8, writer, artist, all-around creative girl who speaks three languages.

I've also been hunting for a job for nearly a full 6 months. To no avail. The market's saturated with unemployed people, so there's always bound to be someone better than you. I can accept that. When a firm that's desperately seeking employees refuses to hire you for no better reason than having people who 'better fit the profile' (what profile do they mean???), it does something to you. It breaks you. Luckilly I do have enough of an ego to deal with this rejection (a few days will be required though), but at the same time I no longer see the point of applying for jobs. This is the dangerous part of these rejections: they create depression and a low self-esteem that can, and will, result in even less chances of getting hired. I've reached a point of no return: either I give up trying and accept my life is over, or I make the decision to surrender to life's flow.

There's a reason for everything in the world. Why am I a person who needs appreciation? Why am I a person who enjoys making others happy? Why are my interests basically useless in my society? Why can I just not catch a freaking break?
On the other hand, why am I trilingual? Why am I so luck to live with the kindest, most lovable geek in the world? Why do I love cats? Why do I adore RPGs, and writing, and drawing?
Who am I? Who do I want to be? Who do I need to be? Where am I going?

I don't have answers for all these questions. I don't even have an answer for the most important question of all: why am I alive in the first place? What I do not have, I want to teach myself. The major thing I want to teach myself is diligence and perseverance. So I want to do something I can look back on next year and think of myself: wow; I can't believe you did it; I'm so proud of me!

From now on, I'll post an entry every single day during the evening, when the day's as good as over, with one negative point of said day, and one positive thing. And anything else I want to tell my future self.

Here we go for a one year trip through the thinking glass.