28/02 - So February ends

Today's bad: very tired, very bad mood. I guess that's on me for going to bed at 1:30 AM... I just don't want the days to end. I don't want new days to begin. Don't want new disappointments. Just want good days to last.

Today's good: found the cutest little ball of fluff today:

And a mug that fits me perfectly: "my job is top secret, I don't know what I'm doing myself". Goes perfectly with my "I smile because I have no idea what's going on"-keychain.

Note to Future Self: you fall, then you get up. You're allowed to have bad moments; just remember these are only temporary.

27/02 - Nothin' new

Today's bad: realized I had to activate my new cellphone sim-card online o.- could wait a hell of a long time to switch back to my old provider that way.

Today's good: got some more old toys to put away. Lots of stuff I remember playing with, even after 20+ years... Items I'm still quite attached to. And they're all still in great state.

Note to Future Self: you win some, you lose some. Next week'll be better. Don't let yourself get down because people don't reply to you.

26/02 - Can't complain

Today's bad: well, can't complain really. I could, but I don't want to XD because, same ol' same ol'.

Today's good: nothing feels better to a gamer than finishing a game (even one finished previously). Thing is, when first I got Dragon Age: Origins, my graphic cards couldn't run it properly. Then bf got himself a new card, I inherited his, and OMG yes smoooooooth game. Thus, it's like totally re-discovering the game, and enjoying it. So I defeated the Archdemon and I was like, YES X3. I know. Gaming can sound silly; until I tell you it's through gaming and movies I honed my English skills, broadened my mind, learned things... and it's overall a positive endeavour. :)

And I just answered a caller survey about my cellphone contract. The guy was so nice, I just couldn't refuse (also, ye gods, it's 8:30 PM and they're still working D: ). That's my good action for the day XD

Note to Future Self: you had fun yesterday evening. Must repeat. <3

25/02 - Early

If I don't do it now, I'll either forget, or not be able to write this post down. So.

Today's bad: I slept badly. Had a hard time falling asleep due to situation stress and this being a crap week for jobhunting, and sometime during the night I think I woke up because my arm was completely numb. I can't tell if I dreamt that, or if it really happened. Either way, I'm tired. Doesn't help my mood.

Today's good: having my friends coming over in a few hours, which is gonna be so much fun - and do so much good. The bad thing about being unemployed is that it basically cuts you off from social contact. You crawl in your shell and only occasionally crawl back out, and even so that doesn't last long. Yes, mildly depressed, but the good thing about that is that it's inspiring some (depressing) art XD I still need to vacuum and get the living room ready, but I hope to have time to at least sketch out my idea.

Note to Future Self: you really need to take the time to say 'enough' and dive into artistic creations. Stop letting all sorts of fears cripple you. You know the situation will improve - you know this is how life works. You're supposed to learn about what's truly important in your life. A salvaged vase can be a lot sturdier than a new one.

24/02 - Omfg

Today's bad: I came home today to this:

Yes, that's the puzzle I'd completed a few days ago. The cat happened, perhaps not even 5 minutes after I'd left. Bf spent three hours salvaging it. ... I was not happy. -.-

Today's good: aside from getting the puzzle done after three more hours, I got some new second-hand clothes from the local thrift store thanks to my dad. I badly needed something new for job interviews, and I just can't afford to go to a 'regular' shop (where I usually find nothing I like anyway). I do love thrift stores. I've gotta look through my good old clothes sometime and donate those I won't wear anymore. Seems only fair, especially since some of those I wore, like, once. Helps the local economy ^^

Note to Future Self: appreciate everything, and everyone, you've got.

23/02 - Yay!

Today's bad: another rejection. This one's special though: apparently I'm not fit to be a salesclerk due to my professionnal background as a salesclerk. I know where they make their distinction though (no experience selling freaking shoes), but come. ON. Stupidest reason yet to reject my application. It's so ridiculous I can but laugh at it and inflate my ego some more. Geezes.

Today's good: came a little late in the day, but I've got great friends coming over Wednesday evening ^^ we'll eat wok and play on the Wii, which is going to be oh so awesome.

And for today-specific good: I wrote. Not much, mind you, but sufficiently to be happy with myself. The important thing here is to get back on the damn horse. Writing is my oxygen; I need to breathe.

Note to Future Self: stop forgetting writing is your oxygen.

22/02 - Peaceful

Today's bad: it started a few hours ago, but I got this massive ear ache when I hiccough. I don't feel sick, so I'm guessing I somehow twisted something in there if that's even possible? It really hurts ._____.

Today's good: it's been a lazy Sunday. Been very needy. So I spent most of the afternoon in bf's arms watching Big Bang Theory (because best show ever). I realize I've got a lot of things to do (one of which will happen after I'm done writing this: sending yet another job application out), but today was just not that day. I notice I'm falling back on a bad habit of thinking everything's just gonna take too long or whatever poor excuse I have. Thus, today was Cuddle Day.

Note to Future Self: we're too lazy today. Therefore: pffffrrrttttt. *nod*

21/02 - Tired

Today's bad: been tired all day, for no clear reason. Then I got some back ache later on in the day, but nothing that some tiger balsem couldn't cure. I'd forgotten how effective that balsem really is.

Today's good: went to the parents to have some pasta gratin mmmmmm. That always makes a day awesome <3

Note to Future Self: nope, you're golden today. Savour. :D

20/02 - Quiet

Today's bad: got woken by my cellphone. I don't sleep with it nearby (yes, I'm one of those people who believes its waves are bad for ya), and bf thought it wise to bring it into the bedroom... of course it had to go off (I had no idea it went off every hour for a few seconds after getting called). Only upside is that upon calling the temp agency back, I might (read: MIGHT) get a two week job. Definitely could use the moneys. This week's been a bust job-wise, but I expected nothing more from a vacation-week.

Oh, and, watching the news right now: a woman got attacked with acid at a supermarket, apparently because the supermarket (not the lady herself!) was blackmailed for money. Just... wtf's wrong with the world. This is beyond disgusting.

Today's good: well, I finished something: my puzzle ^^ now all I need is a frame to put it up. I'd forgotten how pritty (and complicated!) it is *.* thank goodness I found the picture! I'm good at puzzles, but this one's really something else. 's why I'd bought it while I was in the States several years ago ^^

Note to Future Self: yes, the world's a scary place. Don't let this be a reason not to live. Just live.

19/02 - Discoveries!

Today's bad: the cat scratched my arm. He got stuck up in the attic, so I lured him in from the ladder and grabbed him by the neck, but he got a bit scared from being suspended in high air and clung to whatever he could find. I'm now a few scratches and a band-aid richer. But, at least the cat got back down (and I just know he'll do it again next time we open up the attic e.e)

Today's good: while searching for old travel papers I found all sorts of old notebooks, and artwork I'd once gotten from a former friend. She may hate my guts anymore, but boy oh boy am I still ever so grateful she once took the time to send these to me <3 and I salvaged some gifts gotten from another former friend (whom I hope doesn't hate me XD), which I'd kept in a neat Dragon tin box. Alas, keeping candy for over 10 years isn't really a smart move... What can I say, I'm a hoarder <<

Note for Future Self: next time the cat's in the attic, put on some damn shoes, go grab the cat, hold him tight and get him calmly down (perhaps preferably in a towel). Remember that he's a hyper kitty. Grabbing him from over the ledge them suspending him like a potato bag is NOT smart.

18/02 - Rollin'

Today's bad: I broke one of my Dragon statuettes through no one's fault but my own (and the damn ironing board's). No idea if I have any superglue in the house X(

Today's good: you know the best part of today? I asked myself this morning: what can I get done today so I can write it down in the 'good' section tonight? I was actually thrilled at the idea of getting something done! Which is a bit of a new feeling, and a good one :D so it turns out I got some copper shining, clothes ironed, got an old puzzle on the way for which I have no picture anymore, and tonight is Return of the King extended edition-night.

Aaaaand I totally just discovered my netbook has a pinch-function like a tablet. Well huh. Neat!

Note for Future Self: no using Sidol without gloves. If you can't find gloves, don't use it. Our fingers are still smelling -.-

17/02 - Mneh

Usually, groceries-days are pretty unproductive.

Today's bad: didn't get to finish my artwork. Also, +1 rejection. I'm not feeling very talkative.

Today's good: had a fun chat with one of the cashiers at the local hypermarket. They're all pretty nice ^^

Note to Future Self: It's only day 2. All beginnings are hard, and not all days will be interesting and/or productive. Tomorrow will be a better day, because you'll make it so.

16/02 - Decisive

And here we go! First step towards a year-long journey through life and mind ^^

Today's bad: got an e-mail today that I wasn't hired. Again. This time by a firm that's desperately seeking applicants and employees, with no better reason than 'we got people with better profiles'. In the meantime, it was my second interview for two seperate jobs; for one job, they even told me they saw me starting. And then this. I'm honestly sick and tired beyond words. It's been six months. I'm still unemployed. If it wasn't for my (acquired) massive ego, I'd be bawling like a kid and hiding in a dark corner! I feel so hurt. All I want is to be done trying - or having to try. It's gone on long enough.

Today's good: After a really busy week and something like 5 applications (of which two interviews), I gave myself a moment to do some arting. I absolutely needed to. All things creative make me happy, and it's about time I stop forgetting that. I'm not done with it yet, but I'm looking forward to finishing perhaps tonight. I'd given myself the yearlong task to make a drawing a month; this will be February ^^

Note to Future Self: now's your time to shine, girl. Come on. Make us proud by succeeding at this! Imagine how happy you'll be to look back and be able to say: I did it. So do it.

Starting the figurative New Year

Hello all. My name's Isabelle, usually called Isa or Issy, also known as Nocturnaliss on various sites such as Deviantart. 34 years old at this time and feeling like 24, gamer since I first got a Commodore 64 at around age 8, writer, artist, all-around creative girl who speaks three languages.

I've also been hunting for a job for nearly a full 6 months. To no avail. The market's saturated with unemployed people, so there's always bound to be someone better than you. I can accept that. When a firm that's desperately seeking employees refuses to hire you for no better reason than having people who 'better fit the profile' (what profile do they mean???), it does something to you. It breaks you. Luckilly I do have enough of an ego to deal with this rejection (a few days will be required though), but at the same time I no longer see the point of applying for jobs. This is the dangerous part of these rejections: they create depression and a low self-esteem that can, and will, result in even less chances of getting hired. I've reached a point of no return: either I give up trying and accept my life is over, or I make the decision to surrender to life's flow.

There's a reason for everything in the world. Why am I a person who needs appreciation? Why am I a person who enjoys making others happy? Why are my interests basically useless in my society? Why can I just not catch a freaking break?
On the other hand, why am I trilingual? Why am I so luck to live with the kindest, most lovable geek in the world? Why do I love cats? Why do I adore RPGs, and writing, and drawing?
Who am I? Who do I want to be? Who do I need to be? Where am I going?

I don't have answers for all these questions. I don't even have an answer for the most important question of all: why am I alive in the first place? What I do not have, I want to teach myself. The major thing I want to teach myself is diligence and perseverance. So I want to do something I can look back on next year and think of myself: wow; I can't believe you did it; I'm so proud of me!

From now on, I'll post an entry every single day during the evening, when the day's as good as over, with one negative point of said day, and one positive thing. And anything else I want to tell my future self.

Here we go for a one year trip through the thinking glass.