Theme 05: Kristofa - Week 3

It's been an interesting week. Most importantly: my departure from my job has been made thoroughly official. For some reason, the firm wanted to give me a 10-month contract; how, why, what, I don't know, but I discussed the matter with my manager and it was lowered to 4. At least, it's supposed to be; if the contract isn't the one I want when I go to work and sign on Tuesday, that'll be that. Much as I'd prefer it that way because I'm drained&done, I can't abandon my colleagues during the summer. After that, though, I will be free. Unemployed, but free to pursue my life again. This is not a job I want to continue.

And, I do have a job application on Thursday evening. I don't know what'll come of it - I don't expect much, as there's great competition, but the important part is to just take a step towards what I really want. I don't need to have a job to hop to at this point; what I need is a break from responsibility before I completely fall apart. I'm burned out. I can keep going nonetheless, but I'm simply burned out. End venting. XD

In better news, I started a natural treatment for body and hair. I've got a couple of syrups full of vitamins, and natural shampoo that's supposed to revitalize my hair. I figured it was time to love myself a little XD honestly, the one vitamin syrup has already proven it works. I've had tons of cramps in my right arm, and taking the vitamins helped me the day itself. My arm feels more relaxed, and I feel some energy returning. I think it was about time to help myself a little <<

Speaking of which, I got my ProjectComment responsibilities out of the way for the previous week and this one as well, so now it's time to make my lil' character post ^^

Kristofa: Origin Story

I will disappoint again this week: I don't remember how or why he got created. I really wish I did. For some reason, he must've been important enough to me (or, I'm thinking, Aneskia <<) that I decided to incorporate him into the story. Heck, there must be reason I created him at all. I think it may have been as simple as me needing a reason to explain that Aneskia could speak Human: she learned it from him. The truth of the matter will be forever lost I'm afraid... although, lemme try here.

I remember a particular event line in the roleplay that regarded Elshir (affectionately branded Rainbow Elves way back when, as we'd never come up with an actual name for them). One in particular that ended up in the Syrilae village, and was taken in by a kind, motherly Elf residing there. Why he got there I don't remember: he'd fled the war and my then-friend wanted to roleplay him and we somehow got onto the idea he'd have gotten there after getting away from a prison (where he'd met another Syrilae... this was one of the all-time bests roleplay scenes - in my eyes, anyway). So, this Elf took the Rainbow Elf in, and other stuff happened, and this was basically how I ended up creating Kristofa's (then-named Christopher) parents: the motherly Elf Martha, and the dark-skinned Syrilae Giounai, who would one day have a son she would name Christopher (which had no reason back then; later, I figured she'd been raised in a Human-ish way, around Humans). And, somehow, Kristofa evolved, because I had him being a friend of fatherless Aneskia, and one of the few to have met Kooga (who is an extremely important character, that I may or may not discuss... we'll see <<). These facts were certainly enough reason for me to transfer Kristofa over to my world, where he became a man of more depth... and more treachery.

What I couldn't do for him in the roleplay, I will be doing for him here. Somewhere in time, Giounai and Martha left the village, and left Kristofa in the care of one of Giounai's friends (which is common practice among Syrilae, but other reasons were at play). Kristofa doesn't remember his parents clearly; he doesn't even think much about them. He knows they had reasons to leave - good reasons, that will become even more apparent as time progresses. What he doesn't know, is that Martha and Giounai started a new family in a city far away... and that, through events out of his control, he will get a chance at meeting them, and face the inner demons he never knew he had.

I have several possible plans for him; as things stand, I don't know whether he will be an asset, or a liability (which is actually pretty interesting to me << XD). In this life, Kristofa has made choices that haunt his steady mind, and that he will in ways get to redeem by assisting his long-lost, never-known family in times that will only get more dire. Whether he will truly redeem himself, however, remains a question I am eager to discover the answer to.

Theme 05: Kristofa - Week 2

I just got done hosting a chat over at Projectcomment... DEAR GOD THE ANARCHY. But it was fun. Challenging, grueling at times for the slow typer I am, but fun nonetheless. I learned a few things about group management and accurate planning. ... I swear I'll do better next time << XD but, it was my first time hosting such an event! And it looks like I had the easier half XD; when I left, the chatroom was PACKED. Crazy packed. I think, for next time, I'll put a list of people in order of critiquing in the topic. So that everyone can tell who's next; it'll create less confusion, and people will know how long a waiting time they might have ahead of them. *nod*

Thing is, I didn't have so good a day today. Don't get me wrong: I had a good day having parents and parents-in-law at home to celebrate mother's day. But, I've been depressed all day. Truly depressed, not just blue. At some point, I just wanted to go in a corner and cry and be left the hell alone. I think mother's day got to me today. Because, heck, I'm not one yet, and it seems even less likely, with each passing month, that I ever will be. Added on top of workstress (and hormones starting to kick in e.e), I just want not to exist for a while. Probably why I'm not updating my work calendar, or any calendar for that matter: at this moment, and for the foreseeable future, I don't want to exist. Not to understand I want to die or anything silly like that - no, I just want to be forgotten for a while, left to my own devices, and allowed some ties-less, wings-spreading time on my own. I'm losing sight of me; I can't find me while others are looking for her as well. She's only going to come out if I'm the only one looking for/after her. It's a really strange feeling. A crazy-sounding feeling I expect << especially if I mention it feels like having a crying teen within yourself that's slamming doors shut and screaming at people to get/keep out XD
Uh, yeah. Don't mind me/us. It'll pass. Likely as soon as I get to quit my job, which is still several months away. Sigh.

Well. Let's not dwell on that for now. How about some writing? Yes, some super-duper awesome writing << and as we are on Kristofa's second week, I'll share a chapter of his life ^^

And I chose a sweet moment between estranged friends that gives a glimpse into Kristofa's mind, and heart. Enjoy :)

Theme 05: Kristofa - Week 1

I am honestly not in a good frame of mind right now. I had a workweek that can't be described as heavy, yet it broke me so damn much, even physically (I slept 4 hours yesterday due to waking up at about 4 with my right arm and shoulder completely numb; my chest area felt so weird I thought I was having some sort of heart attack - and yes, I know this sounds especially dramatic. I was scared). I worked 4 days, 1 day off, then 2 days, and the fact of the matter is: I can't do these hours anymore. I'm completely burnt out. I've been seriously debating with myself whether I should quit at the end of my current contract, which is half May. I honestly can't guarantee anymore I'll be able to handle the summer, considering I need more and more time off to deal with less and less workload. When I get my paycheck, I wonder: is this really all I'm working for? Money? And too little money at that?

So, yeah. Not a good frame of mind, as said. It'll pass, as always, but in the meantime I'm just trying to keep my head above water. The best moments at work are those that require some brain power. I feel excellent then. Meaning, I do need a brain job. I've got one to apply for, but I'll be waiting until tomorrow, as I have time until the 8th... I want to make the application as good as I can. Today, I cannot.

But enough wallowing in my own woe: let's check out others' woes XD I debated with myself which character to write about next, and ended up picking...

Kristofa

... portrait WIP from 2008. Best/only pic I have. ... the shame. @.@

Who is Kristofa?

Kristofa is a Syrilae man like most other Syrilae men: born in the village, raised by someone other than his parents; in time his powers stabilize and he takes to visiting the neighbouring Human town of Farren, where male hormones will take the better of him - with sometimes nearly lethal results.

But Kristofa had his eyes on another woman, who would turn him away and break his heart forgood. This wound never quite healed; even as this woman fell for another man and bore his daughter, Kristofa remained, close, befriending the child in time.

And, one day, he would betray her - and set in motion the end of his kind.

Kristofa and the novel

Kristofa will be a pivotal element in the story, as he is familiar with both the main protagonist, and the main antagonist. Through a series of events he ends up in a city ruled by a majority of elves, where he will discover more about himself, and the true threat looming over all of their heads. As it stands now, his true role is undefined, but his potential choices clear. Kristofa will always choose what is best in any situation - even if this means the death of innocent people. One life is a small price to pay for the safety of thousands more - and, on this, he and Devon will agree.

However, Kristofa is a rational man. He takes time to think, to assess situations. One life lost might just as well mean the destruction of many more. Decisions cannot be rushed.

And these decisions will be made all the harder as he encounters the city and environs' inhabitants.

I realize I'm not saying much about him. As said, he is a pivotal element in the story, and tied to all important characters in some way. This makes it all the harder not to give away too much of the story XD

And like always, if questions be... ;)

Theme 04: Devon - Week 4

And so we are, Sunday at last, final post for this month's theme. And I've brought something special with me: an entire whole new piece, done this week... with a sex scene. Because branching out is fun << XD

Seriously though, that's really but a tiny part of the story and fitting into character and relationship development. I must admit I really like these two together - not as a couple (because they both quite loudly say 'no' << XD), but as a dysfunctionally functional friendship unit. On the one hand you've got the hot-blooded Vampire with impeccable manners, on the other hand the pigheaded female warrior hailing from an ultra-peaceful race. ... I love this so much. XD

And an act that might tear apart most budding friendships will in fact bring these ill-assorted characters closer together...

Heavy week

I feel like I've tossed the proverbial plates against the walls and now I'm picking up the pieces, trying to determine what can be glued back together.

Just read an article that infuriates me regarding my government to the point I posted about it on Facebook (which I barely do as is, and never ever about matters like these). These feelings make me see just how fed up I am with a lot of things: my outside job (I'm heading for a burnout), my inside job (lack of motivation/support), the future in this country (don't get me started), the past and present within my family (been there, talked about that, moving on). Everything has in common a lack of future, of hope, of reasons to keep struggling through life because why bother? Why am I here? Why has my life been as it is? Why can't I change it? And when I try and change things, why is it in a destructive manner? Is this a cycle? Where am I heading with this?

One thing that's throwing me off, I think, is that feeling that someone's going to die next year. Someone I know and who's fairly close to me. It could potentially mean a miscarriage, which would really suck to go through again, but it's making me think about a lot of things. Analyzing my life, my path, the successes and the fails, how I got here, why, what it all means. Because it all means something. I'm not here by accident. It's why I've been trying to focus more on my talents than my shortcomings. I saw a potentially interesting job in the newspaper, and am going to apply for it (administrative job at the local fire department). I can but try. Right now, I don't know where I'm going. I'd rather stay at home for a while and get my mind sorted out, but I can't have everything I want. What I need, though, is to get out of the hopelessness, because hopelessness passes - everything passes. I have to believe there are still good things to come, for I refuse to believe I'm here to suffer selfishly. I'm not. I'm not here to shine bright, either. But I'm here to make a difference, and that's what the plate-tossing is all about. Creation comes from destruction. Heck, I finished my little story (bit over four pages), edited it already to a satisfactory level (I just can't get myself to read the sex scene over... I'm like, flushing like an innocent schoolgirl, I feel so damn stupid XD; ), sketched a pic I'll want to finish (will see about picking it up when it's time for Dr. Phil), and I've wanted to print out inspirational pics (but alas, printer no want). They say you have to reach rock bottom before you can make any changes, and I think I'm basically there. The question then is: where do I want to go? What do I want to do? Who am I? Why do I live?

I live to write. I live to create. I'm going to be starting a new chapter in life. I want to be proud of my accomplishments to come, and those already achieved. This comes with an ego I'm no longer willing to suppress. Except right now, because shut up, don't get carried away now XD but yeah. I'm embracing the fact I like to help people, and that being appreciated for it motivates me to keep going with my own endeavours. I'm also embracing the fact I get chronically depressed and that it's nothing to write home about: it's just a part of who I am, nothing more.

And, I'm embracing my personal career as a writer. I changed my artist tag on Deviantart from 'literature hobbyist' to just 'literature'. I'm not a hobbyist anymore. This has become a real career choice, even though I know I'll have to have an outside career as well. I've tried previously to get out of the retail business, and our financial situation prevented that. Now, I'm going to get this opportunity again. I've grown yet further as a person. I have a much clearer view of my strong points and weaknesses. To succeed, I have to be passionnate about everything I do - and this means I need to surround myself with people who are passionnate about their own lives and endeavours. I can't afford less, not considering my own weakness towards feeling depressed. I have to give myself credit for taking myself seriously. For wanting to be someone better. To defeat my greatest flaw: fear of vulnerability. To do so, I have to trust the people I allow close to me to not try and wound/control me, even be it unintentional. At the heart, I'm a little wounded ball of fluff with a heart of fire that has claws and will gouge out your eyes. << XD

ONWARDS TO ART!

Theme 04: Devon - Week 3

Yes, I'm a little late again << sorry 'bout that. I was going to post a 'post delayed' post yesterday, but then I didn't. And Sunday was father-in-law's birthday, yesterday workday... Next week will likely see some delay too, as I'm working Saturday through Tuesday e.e but I'll see about finding something interesting to post anyway. With week 3, I do need to take some time to think XD

And so, week 3 is the traditional origin story post :D

Devon: Origin Story

Alas, I'm going to disappoint with this one: I don't remember why I created Devon. I think he was a random character I created in the wake of figuring out another's background story. Plus, Vampire. Always fun. XD but, no, I don't remember exactly why I created him. However, I do know why I'm including him in TAoS, so perhaps I can talk about that instead.

A couple of years ago I'd started a different blog on my site. In it, it was a character who talked, and wrote about her impressions of the bit of world she lives in. I quickly discovered the unforgiving limitations of this format, and abandoned it; but not before I'd created a set of events that will shape an entire part of TAoS, and has ramifications in a couple of countries. I created a character, Erjin the librarian, and a set of events that put her in danger (because I love my characters << XD), and I needed a strong character who'd have reason to help and to be in that city at that time. You've guessed it: it was Devon. And this choice, considering his ties with the race from which protagonist Aneskia hails, has set things in motion I could have never predicted - and I love it!

Devon is a wandering character with deep-rooted wounds that, I believe, will never heal. But he has knowledge, comprehension of the world, and ties to characters and places that make him invaluable as a source of information. He knows about the world threat; he knows about the Syrilae; he reads a lot whenever he gets the chance, mostly about history, and may uncover some hidden ramifications; he's strong-willed, kind but also stubborn (which will lead to an argument with Aneskia); he's a pivotal point in the story that I can't do without, and somehow this all came to be thanks to a blog I abandoned. Granted, I may have stumbled upon this idea somewhere down the line, but not in so strong a fashion.

And all that for a character once created randomly XD. Devon is one of those characters I basically never used in Rp sessions and faded into the background of my mind. But I liked him a lot: certain parts of his personality, of his life, made him into a character with strong emotions that I understood. I don't agree with him all the time, but I can see where he comes from most of the time. I really want him to have a 'real life' - and, perhaps, deal with some of his issues, though I doubt this will ever happen. We're alike in this respect: he doesn't like to be made to feel vulnerable. As smart as he is, he can be stubbornly irrational if only to avoid having to accept his way of life is wrong. And you don't want to piss off a Vampire, they're scary << XD

And this is the semi-origin story of Devon. Who I really need to draw. XD

Theme 04: Devon - Week 2

So tired =.= own fault for going to bed past midnight. But, but, First Wives Club D: and tonight there's a chat event at Project Comment on DA. =.=

So, trying to get back to the writing bit. Slowly. It's hard. But. Life goes on. :)

So, week 2 of Devon! Week 2 meaning a chapter :D and today I thought I'd bring you the first chapter of a Life Story in which Devon plays an important part. Enjoy :)

(Also: dear god this writing NEEDS editing. e.e oi)