Two things happened this morning already:
1. I checked Twitter and saw I had 2 new followers (and the next time I loaded Twitter, it became 1 - I don't understand the fluctuation in followers on that platform)
2. I checked Twitter's stats and became overwhelmed by a wave of discouragement when I saw this:
In fact, I'm so discouraged that I don't even know what to type right now. It's just... facts, right? Basically no one's interested in what I do.
But then, I see people with thousands of followers who don't even get one like on their posts. I have 45 and I do get some (minus one who's bf but well. <<). Still, the numbers just make you want to cry.
And it's for these moments that I hung a mirror in my kitchen:
The daily reminder that, no matter how one day's outlook appears, greater things may still happen.
After all, 20 years ago I was so deep in depression I believed I'd never amount to anything, never have a life, never even work because social phobia, never have a lovelife, never - you name it, I probably thought it. And I was wrong across the entire line.
So if today I think 'I'll never be a succesful writer who has people enjoying what they write and is also able to live from my craft', I know the odds are I'll prove myself wrong, sometime down the road.
In fact, taking into consideration the evolution of my life, I daresay it's far better in the long run that things start slow. Immediate success might very well get to my head. Having to work daily on 'getting there' is, I think, exactly what I need to be learning at this point in my life. I've given up on many things along the years. Writing will not be one of them. In fact, I've never felt as passionnate about anything as I am about getting where I want to be.
There's still a lot to learn at age 36. ;)
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And somehow relatedly, as I got the idea while writing this up (multitasking brain, always), I'll be changing the names of the Patreon reward tiers again. Might as well do so while I don't have too many folks XD
The reasoning behind it is double:
- For one, part of me thinks that rewarding the $7 tier (and of course above) with full stories goes against my main drive to be read and enjoyed. At the same time, when I see the work that writing is, I know that lowering the tier amount will discourage me more than not getting new Patrons. It's 7 a month for everything I write in said month, and I aim for a month to comprise of 15 pages. Minimum. Considering I write about 1 page an hour, that's at best $0.5 an hour (and that's without counting the numerous pages of extra content such as thought processes). I mean... I have to be fair towards myself.
- For two, and somehow this is most important: I love the number 7. A lot. Even though 2017 is a crap year. But, with this being a crap year, I realized something about that favourite number of mine.
Yeah. It's gotta be 7. It can't be anything else that 7. Because look at it. I mean... I've had a thing for Death as an entity since I was a child, in the form of the tarot card XIII (yes I had a strange childhood XD). Death is the card of transformation: reaping what is obsolete, so new life can grow. 2017 is such a year (and, no, I hadn't realized the scythe thing before this crap year began). It's like some sort of cosmic force is aligning *.*
Perhaps it's a sign; perhaps it's just my mind willing to see signs where none truly are. Perhaps this means I'll succeed; perhaps I'm on a wild goose chase. What I do know is that I need to change the $7 reward tier name to reflect its importance.
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If I don't try, I'll certainly not succeed. And I can't accept not to succeed. This drive keeps me from being fully discouraged.
And, it helps to have friends and family - and sometimes even strangers! - who support you. I'll never be able to stress that enough.
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