So what better place is there than a blog I no longer use?
It's taking me *hours* to fill in forms, write emails, all for one situation, because my stress levels are so high that just the thought of writing is causing me extra stress. I've been staring at this screen for I don't know how long. Everything takes so much time. I can't get myself in motion.
I read today about 'conversion disorder': basically, your body responds with physical symptoms to a mental distress you're simply not aware of. I mean, I'm aware I have stress; my brain functions normally, I can think, rationalize, analyze, etc, and I experience no anxiety - except that my body is completely shaking inside and makes me want to cry for no reason and EVERYTHING FEELS SO DAMN FUCKING HARD I can't put it into better words. The stress makes me bite down on my fingers, shake uncontrollably, impairs my speech, makes my fingers twitch and disrupts the synchronization words-to-fingers. My attention spawn's that of a goldfish. But, y'know, I feel chill and relaxed.
The nice thing is: I'm not insane, my body is.
Right now, i'm hating life with a passion. XD
